were you bullied at school? how did it affect your grown up

the-kid

New member
I am a student filmmaker creating a documentary about the effects of bullying. my team and i are interested in reading hearing and telling your stories for the screen.

ideal responses to this thread should be 30yrs+

contact Emmanuel and Stephanie at [email protected]
 

LOLninja

New member
Be it a consequence or not, I came to visit website today for a similar mission.

I have an assignment for design school where I could decide the subject myself, and I decided to go for bullying at age 11-12. My goal is to come up with something that will help children at that age, and the means would be something to improve their body language.

I know from personal experience that walking around half-folded up doesn't make you an attractive person. Yeah, I chose this probably because I used to be bullied, too. And I think that if only those children are helped at a young age, they wouldn't have to end up as anxious adults.


I don't need video material, but I'd like to know your experiences. Especially how you felt about it, during or after.

I hope you don't mind me asking this in your topic, the-kid. I thought our goals were sufficiently mutual.
 

Stuntman_Josh

New member
I was bullied from 5th grade all the way to 11th grade, when I finally dropped out. I really hate the word "bullying". It sounds like a way to make abuse more socially acceptable. Bullying in my mind is giving someone a bit of a hard time. Many of us here are the victims of severe mental and physical abuse at school. For example, I was once held down by two guys and hit in the forehead with a glass bottle until it shattered. Just one lovely example. I was mocked, laughed at, used as a joke ("Hey, will you ask my friend out? That would be SO funny!") and flat out jumped and beaten.

Finally, I came home and told my mom if she made me go back I would kill myself. She took me out immediately. That was 1994. I am now 31 years old. My life has literally gone nowhere. In my early twenties, I started drinking heavily and taking prescription meds (bought from a shady fellow at a pool hall) and doing drugs. I had a hard time working because I believed I was honestly not worth the effort. Finally, after being pulled out of the toilet I passed out in, I woke up and stopped boozing and taking drugs.

College was never an option for me because the thought of going back to a school and seeing people in halls and smelling textbooks would send me into a severe panic attack. In fact, I was right. I was married for awhile, and my wonderful step-daughter asked me to come to her school for a bring a parent to lunch day. I couldn't tell that child no, so I went. She was in fourth grade, and sitting beside her in that lunch room, surrounded by kids and the familiar school setting, it was all I could do to not run out. I dosed up on nerve pills before I went and was thankful I did. I was more thankful that there were no more school functions of that type forthcoming. To this day, a female laughing makes me panic.

I have been diagnosed as bi-polar depressive, with a nice anxiety disorder thrown in for good measure. I have no self-esteem, married a woman who mentally abused me and made me feel even worse about myself until she finally divorced me, and I have no real desire to do anything with my life. I can't work. I can't go to school. I can't even be around people long enough to go to the damned hospital for therapy or medication. So I sit here at my parents' house. I rarely go outside, and if I do its to go through a drive through or something. I have no interest in taking care of myself, because years of childhood abuse in school has me pretty much convinced I am not worth the effort.



All of this stemmed from being abused in school. Weak little shits needed to feel special, or they just flat-out enjoyed it. I don't buy this "the bullies are the ones who are usually abused at home". That's horse shit. I have seen the looks on their faces, as I am sure many here have. The majority of those fucking animals loved doing it, and they did it because it made them feel good, not because mommy and daddy didn't love them enough.

I wish to God I had been strong enough to do something horrible to those filthy little shits back then. I sit here and pray to God that their lives have turned out shitty. I actually laughed out loud when I heard one of my worst tormentors was killed in Iraq, after his vehicle was bombed.

Sometimes I think about that, and I wonder if my reaction wasn't the wrong one. Then I remember him bouncing my head off the concrete walls, punching me in the balls, holding me down and spitting tobacco juice in my face, and I start laughing all over again. People like that don't deserve to live, plain and simple. Flame me if you want, that fucker is still dead and I am still happy about it.

Ok, I just went and had a smoke and calmed down. I can't even type about this bullshit without getting enraged. And some moron actually had the nerve on this forum to say "sometimes bullying can be a good thing"

Hope this helps. I'm sure people who read this will think I am a monster, and I probably am.
 

Ericisme

Well-known member
Well im nearly 18 and my thought on it is its unstoppable. It is part of the reason why I dropped out and most of the reason why I got social phobia. Either you get alot of money to get home schooled or schooled online, or you deal with it, which ends up in dropping out, somtimes killing yourself, or going to school with a gun(only effective way of stopping it for some people). Maybe since its on the rise fast, governments can do somthing about it, I doubt that tho. These kids could grow up to do anything, there usualy smart and nice and could grow up to do anything, but then these kids have to halt there future.
 
I was verbally harrassed in high school. But it didn't negatively affect me to the same extent that it affected people here.

I wasn't physically tormented and spat on though... that is just horrible. School authorities are pretty fucking useless. I remember in school, they would do nothing to punish kids who bullied and beat other students up on a daily basis. Those kids should have been expelled. Instead, they were just verbally reprimanded.
 
Ericisme said:
Maybe since its on the rise fast, governments can do somthing about it, I doubt that tho. These kids could grow up to do anything, there usualy smart and nice and could grow up to do anything, but then these kids have to halt there future.

I don't understand why these bullies should interfere with your life after high school?

The nice thing I remember about college is that there was less bullying. You just go to your classes and then you can go back to your apartment/dorm. No opportunity for bullies to loiter in the hallways outside your classroom and promptly shove your head down a toilet after lectures end. Presumably, it would also be much less in the work place. mind you, I'm not saying it would entirely disappear. I guess it would depend on where you work too, and if your co-workers are immature idiots.
 

tommydog

Well-known member
You sure did and still are having a hell of a time there stuntman josh. Thanks for sharing your story.

I wasnt bullied. Say on a scale of 1 to 10 we where an 8 in the pecking order. There was some bullying I guess sometimes but it goes down the line and I had to accept that. Real life is the same ofcourse isnt it. There is always a pecking order.

The difference is in real life people can earn respect through thier family, thier knowedge, thier job, ect. At school its just who is the toughest and who has the most back-up for a punch-up. I know a few guys iv kept in touch with that where dorks in school, now they are successful and happy, married, couldnt be better, and they have earned thier respect in other ways.

I was fortunate in that sense and very grateful for the good time and the good friends in HS.
 

cristina

Member
i was bullied in middle school when i developed acne. they thought i didn't wash my face or something..now i won't go out in public without make-up on and i'm on accutane now but it's taking forever to work. every time im out in public i'm thinking about my skin..it prevents me from talking to people a lot of the time.......i was also bullied for other reasons..not sure what though, maybe because i said weird things idk...i just rememeber since then i've tried to keep to myself, and now i'm trying to interact with others again but it's hard
 

sensive

New member
can completely understand where you are coming from stuntman_josh.

abuse can have such an effect on how your whole life forms, the self esteem that never came into being and never had chance to grow. i was bullied by someone for 2 years, i saw him (im female) as an adult and remembering freezing to the spot, every feeling i had came back to me, as if i was back in school, he just about reconized me and proceeded to talk to me like i was friend from school who had lost contact,

for the first time, i realised i was a faceless victim of his, for his own enjoyment. i had remembered everything yet he didnt know me from adam.

having that inner scared child feeling stops you from being the person you should be or want to be. :(
 

wizduels

New member
How bullying affected my life

I am a 34 year old man. I was bullied from 3rd grade all the way to junior year in high school. To this day I have an extreme dislike for any guy who is bigger and stronger than me and appears to have more going for him in life than I do. I have extreme hate for criminals that strong arm attack innocent victims, far beyond the normal desire for justice. I drive myself in the gym to be bigger and stronger than those around me, I study martial arts most of my adult life to be more deadly at fighting than anyone I meet. My experiences drive me to find physical and mental perfection so that I don't have ever have to fear again.
 

marciaX3

Well-known member
background info: i was bullied physically and verbally (possibly sexually too) for about a year total by 2 different boys when i was in middle school. i have blocked out parts of what happened and both their identities/names so the only thing i know about them is that they're white males.

how it affected me and affects me now:

physically: i could go the rest of my life and happily be a virgin. i have no sex drive whatsoever. i can barely be intimate (pecks on the cheek, etc are hard for me so french kissing and all that are out of the question really). when anyone (even my bf) touches me 90% of the time i flinch/jump. unfortunately, i have also turned a bit aggressive. my aggression is mainly towards myself, but can also be towards my bf if he's pissing me off or pushing my buttons. yeah i know i'm bad for that, i'm working on changing it. quite honestly, it's amazing my bf has stayed with me and our 4 yr anniv is in a month.

mentally: i have basically all the classic symptoms of an abused/raped woman to sum it up.
 
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