watching life fly by....

does anyone else feel like they are watching their life fly by withought even realizing it? I dont really want to go into any detail about myself....just a 24/m from the hills of ky. been somewhat shy and backwards all my life,.......but this year something has changed in me cause now ive turned into a very "avoidant" person. I still live at home, have a nice job, in most people's eyes they would say im very lucky and have a good life, and I think I do too......but what nobody knows is how much trouble I have with myself and being a social person and having any type of social life. ive never even had a girl friend....not one, in my life. for the past couple years, all I basically do is go to work monday through friday, then just hang around the house mostly on the weekends, never go out and have "fun" like most regular people my age. I love my job, what I do and where I work, sometimes I feel happier there than at home. but the past couple months I have been awfull about avoiding almost any and all kinds of social activity. my two brothers try to get me to go out and have fun with em all the time but I never do and they always ask why I never go anywhere.....and I aways just kind of shrug and say "I dont know", honestly I dont want to tell them or anybody that I know for that matter. I have such low self esteem and self confidence that I feel like I dont even deserve to hang out with em, and in the very few times I do, I honestly dont even have fun when im out. realistically though there is nothing holding me back from going out and having a more social life, but in my head it feels like Im locked behind giant gates and no matter how much I try I cant squeeze through em. but anyways enough on all that. my reason for this thread is that its just that its getting toward the new year and all and I was just thinking of all the potentially good times this year that I forced myself to "skip out" on. just seems like this year has flew by so fast, and ive allmost wasted it all it feels like. I know ive got to change myself soon or my whole life is gonna fly by.

I know exactly where you're at. I think a lot of us here feel we're on the shoulder stuck in our overheated Pinto while everyone else zooms past in their Lexus'.

i know! and thats what makes me feel so frustrated everyday! knowing that im wasting my life watching it past by everyday & knowing that theres not a damn! thing i can do about it! cuzz of my stupid SA! & cuzz of financial problems!

G'day m.o.t.h.

I see it as part of our journey and eventually something changes, "we become ready " then we start looking for answers.

"Being ready" is when you go out trying to improve yourself, until that time we don't have the strength or commitment.

You can have as much advice know to man, if your not ready you can't put it into practice.

I'm not trying to be a "party pooper" just what to give you solid advice.

welcome to SPW, nice to have you here.

Yeah, I've always felt like I'm watching life through a window.

Yes,recently a guy was saying how it was time to me to have kids, most people in my work started to have kids at 17,18 or 19,I am 23,I said to him that I want to find the right person and make sure she is the right person,I also said that I wanted to maybe go to school again,while those things are true I also dont think I will ever have children or a wife,I dont even have close friends!

I feel exactly the same way. I can't offer much advice but I can show you that you are not alone. There have been many times when I have backed out of a social activity. I want to go out and meet people so much but when an opportunity comes I run away. I was invited to go out to town one night with some really nice friends and my brother was going too. I knew they would look out for me if I started to get anxious and it was a great chance to have some fun but I backed out on the day and I just cried all night in my bed. I regret that so much.

Everything you just is exactly the same for me.
Except switch girlfriend for boyfriend.

same here, this is what my life's been like for a long time. I keep saying to myself that I must snap out of it but I still haven't managed to do it. ::

Yeah, I can relate a lot to this too...
Only at times I do feel like I'm living, but I could have done soo much more in the past ten years...

You're lucky to have a job you like going to!! In this economic climate, many girls will be lucky to have you!!
Seriously, just the ability to hold a job and not going out drinking every night are very attractive qualities for a man!!
Many guys here on SPW have no idea how goodlooking/attractive most of you are either!!

Early twenties are still a good age to get a girlfriend/boyfriend, you can get to know them first and see if they are 'gf/bf' material at all, and indirectly ask and see what their opinions on 'late bloomers' or further education etc are... I think that many girls will prefer someone nice who never had a gf over a jerk who had hundreds of them and might be violent/abusive etc.... (Partly depends on the age maybe, but you get the picture.)

Even though you may think lowly of you, others may have a good opinion of you!!

December is a stressful time for single people, and even for some married ones with families etc. (due to other things maybe, but still stressful) It was very eye-opening to realize that...

And honestly, what did you miss? Maybe becoming an alcoholic due to socializing 'too much'? Or getting some stds or paying child support at a young age? Other people may have had good times, you never know what those 'good times' were associated with though..
Life is not tv commercials only..

So I think socializing 'too little' is better than socializing 'too much' lol..
At least now, when you meet someone, you will be free to like them for who they are.. You won't have to compare etc. (That's no excuse to settle for less though, just make sure the important areas are covered)
Some people marry late and have good happy marriages...
Maybe your future partner was just learning own lessons, meanwhile?

If brothers ask you to come with them, that's a good thing!! It may be easier to hang out with other people rather than family... you could meet some people through them?
Maybe you can call it 'practise socializing' or 'experimenting' if that's easier? Or 'learning to communicate'? That may be helpful... (?)

You're still young and still have many good times ahead of you!!

yeah i feel like that all the time. im wasting my youth! i should be enjoying my time b4 i go but im wasting it! i hate it! i hate my SA so much it ruin my life & continue to do so! but out of all this misery being alone & no one understands me i feel like im progressing every day, sort of. thats why im so anxieus to get rid of this anxiety & finally have a 'normal' life & be 'normal' cuzz i know im wasting my life i jsut dont know how to overcome this SA? maybe 1 day i will. all i can do is hope...

I feel similar, although have only relatively recently realised it. For years I thought I was happy doing my own thing at home, convinced that I didn't need friends.

Now, at 37 I have no close friends to 'go out' with, never had a girlfriend and still live at home with my parents. I am ready to change all this, ready to go out more...but with no social contacts, and living in the middle of nowhere, I just don't know how to begin to fix the problem. So time goes on and nothing really changes...

man on the hill said:

does anyone else feel like they are watching their life fly by withought even realizing it? I dont really want to go into any detail about myself....just a 24/m from the hills of ky. been somewhat shy and backwards all my life,.......but this year something has changed in me cause now ive turned into a very "avoidant" person. I still live at home, have a nice job, in most people's eyes they would say im very lucky and have a good life, and I think I do too......but what nobody knows is how much trouble I have with myself and being a social person and having any type of social life. ive never even had a girl friend....not one, in my life. for the past couple years, all I basically do is go to work monday through friday, then just hang around the house mostly on the weekends, never go out and have "fun" like most regular people my age. I love my job, what I do and where I work, sometimes I feel happier there than at home. but the past couple months I have been awfull about avoiding almost any and all kinds of social activity. my two brothers try to get me to go out and have fun with em all the time but I never do and they always ask why I never go anywhere.....and I aways just kind of shrug and say "I dont know", honestly I dont want to tell them or anybody that I know for that matter. I have such low self esteem and self confidence that I feel like I dont even deserve to hang out with em, and in the very few times I do, I honestly dont even have fun when im out. realistically though there is nothing holding me back from going out and having a more social life, but in my head it feels like Im locked behind giant gates and no matter how much I try I cant squeeze through em. but anyways enough on all that. my reason for this thread is that its just that its getting toward the new year and all and I was just thinking of all the potentially good times this year that I forced myself to "skip out" on. just seems like this year has flew by so fast, and ive allmost wasted it all it feels like. I know ive got to change myself soon or my whole life is gonna fly by.

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yes!

Feathers, i'd have to say thats one of the better more inspiring posts ive read on here so far, I appreciate the reply.

my birthday was last saturday, turned 24. I know "most" look forward to their birthdays and make a big event out of it, but I pretty much did nothing special on that day, in fact I was kinda dreading it cause it being my birthday draws peoples attention toward myself, something I have a problem with and try to "avoid" for the most part, its just the way I am. sometimes I wonder if I really have one of these social-related deals on this forum or if I am just naturally a shy/quiet/loner and should just accept it as it is.

but the deal with not/never having a girl friend is starting to become more of an issue with people, especially with my age and stuff now. I know that some of my relatives and even my brothers and parents talk about it and sometimes ask me about it, and I just try to sneak out of giving any kind of solid answer as to why im still single. it sort of like its expected of me to have a girl friend or even be married by this time. currently with my lifestyle, and im not exaggerating, I dont even SEE any girls my age for sometimes several days in a row. its all men at the factory where I work, and I really dont even go anywhere on the weekends to where I could protentially meet a girl. and when I have a chance or oppurtunity to maybe meet somebody this "avoidant" thing kicks in my head and its like I have no chance at all. im not sure why ive become like this (its got alot worse in the past couple years), but im sure its all a combination of a low self esteem, lack of any confidence in myself, feel like theres no use in even trying because I'll just get put down. its almost like I feel out of place in these situations and before anything even happens I try to avoid the situation entirelly. but I know deep down inside, I would like to have a girlfriend, or even a wife one day. sometimes I just feel so lonely inside that its painfull to even look at couples my age cause it just stirrs up jealously and the whole cycle starts all over again, like I just keep digging my hole deeper and deeper.

sorry for the long rant, theres lots more I could add in but thats probably enough for now...