Will his girlfriend ever find out

SmileMore

Well-known member
#1
I used to really like this guy and when I was with him. We had a casual relationship for a while and I grew to like him more. He was my first so it was a very intense feeling at the time. When it was over we still stayed in touch because he told me that he still wanted to be my friend. I believed him because after our thing ended he got back together with his ex so I really did believe he just wanted to be my friend. He's been with her 3 years now so this whole "friendship" nightmare has been going on that long. Our FWB thing ended just before he got back with her.

Unfortunately that turned out to be a lie and every time I saw him he'd grope me or make suggestive comments. I put up with it because my feelings for him were still there. Eventually I just couldn't take it anymore and I told him that his behaviour confused me and that it wasn't fair. He replied that he respected that but didn't want to stop being friends. I told him I just couldn't be friends with him and after that he didn't text back or respond he just ignored me. He deleted me from Facebook the next day and hasn't spoken to me since.

Obviously I know I said I couldn't be his friend anymore but I find it hurtful that he didn't even bother to speak to me first before just cutting me off because it was easier to do that than face me.

So, that was March and we haven't spoken since then. I went on Facebook last night and he'd sent me an inbox message saying how he "misses us as friends" and did i want to meet up with him. I replied that i didn't think that was a good idea. He replied back that that was fine, that he understood and he can wait until a time that works for me. I sent him a friend request on Facebook because i wanted to talk to him (stupid i know) but he ignored it.

I'm just p*ssed off with myself because i was doing pretty well until he contacted me but now all i can think about is him and how he's happy and getting away with it. He's a cheat and a scumbag yet he's got a relationship and a girlfriend who obviously thinks the sun shines out of his as* and they've recently moved in together. I can't get over the anger and the fact that nobody knows (well most people) what he's really like. I don't know her personally obviously so i'm just assuming she's happy and gullible.

Will he ever get found out? I mean, he's been trying (hasn't succeeded) to cheat on her with me for over 2 years yet she STILL hasn't noticed (as far as i know). He's tried to get with a friend of mine as well (she told him to get lost) and no doubt has other girls on the side some where.
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
#2
Well... consider yourself lucky if he ignored you. You don't need trash like him in your life. I hope he gets caught and dumped.
 

cowboyup

Well-known member
#3
Hellhound is right.
You don't need that kind of a person in your life. You are better than that and don't need anyone bringing you down to their level.
You asked if his gf will ever find out? A guestimate would be yes, eventually. If she has suspicions now, she may be denying them. If she doesn't have a clue, she will have a rude awakening someday.
 
#4
It's sad but some people just don't notice what they don't want to notice.
Hopefully one day her reasons for not allowing herself to be receptive to any of the clues to his behaviour, or just looking the other way, will no longer be worth it.
 

SmileMore

Well-known member
#5
It's sad but some people just don't notice what they don't want to notice.
Hopefully one day her reasons for not allowing herself to be receptive to any of the clues to his behaviour, or just looking the other way, will no longer be worth it.
Well, he's only just moved in with her so i guess it was easier for him to be sneaky about it before. I think now that they're living in the same house it's not going to be as easy for him.
 

shakethelight

Well-known member
#6
I've been in situations like this before, on both sides actually. In my personal experience girls have amazing intuitive & know that something wrong but refuse to leave. I know when I was being cheating on I wanted to prove I was worthy of his love. And he's probably a charmer & can talk his way out of anything.

You're a better person then I am cos when this guy used me who had a gf, I messaged her on FB. and a bunch of other stuff that I regret but that was a while ago. Karma will get him though. Just ignore him & do not answer his fb messages or txts. He doesn't want to be "friends".

I'm really sorry this happened to you, I know how hard it is too put yourself out there & have some heartless monster just step all over your heart. You'll be okay though. He did you a favor, who needs someone like that. I hope things get better.
 

SmileMore

Well-known member
#7
I've been in situations like this before, on both sides actually. In my personal experience girls have amazing intuitive & know that something wrong but refuse to leave. I know when I was being cheating on I wanted to prove I was worthy of his love. And he's probably a charmer & can talk his way out of anything.

You're a better person then I am cos when this guy used me who had a gf, I messaged her on FB. and a bunch of other stuff that I regret but that was a while ago. Karma will get him though. Just ignore him & do not answer his fb messages or txts. He doesn't want to be "friends".

I'm really sorry this happened to you, I know how hard it is too put yourself out there & have some heartless monster just step all over your heart. You'll be okay though. He did you a favor, who needs someone like that. I hope things get better.
Thank you. :) I couldn't message her even if i wanted to because of her privacy settings on Facebook. I would never message her anyway.
 

Apotheosis

Well-known member
#8
She WILL find out eventually if he keeps up that kind of behavior.

Are you okay though? It sounds like you're in a good place about this, but I know how it can be hard to move on from your first.
 

SmileMore

Well-known member
#9
She WILL find out eventually if he keeps up that kind of behavior.

Are you okay though? It sounds like you're in a good place about this, but I know how it can be hard to move on from your first.
I'm ok, i guess. Thank you for asking. :) I think it's just hard to get over because he was the first guy i'd ever been with so it was all new to me. I think if she found out who he really was and i knew that he'd got what he deserved i could finally move on. It's just knowing, well, as FAR as i know anyway, that he's getting away with it.

I don't know her so this is all just speculation e.g. Facebook pictures etc and i'm aware that nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors but it just seems that she's oblivious. Maybe she is suspicious but she was always writing lovey, dovey things on his Facebook wall like she didn't have a clue.
 

Apotheosis

Well-known member
#10
I'm ok, i guess. Thank you for asking. :) I think it's just hard to get over because he was the first guy i'd ever been with so it was all new to me. I think if she found out who he really was and i knew that he'd got what he deserved i could finally move on. It's just knowing, well, as FAR as i know anyway, that he's getting away with it.

I don't know her so this is all just speculation e.g. Facebook pictures etc and i'm aware that nobody really knows what goes on behind closed doors but it just seems that she's oblivious. Maybe she is suspicious but she was always writing lovey, dovey things on his Facebook wall like she didn't have a clue.
It's entirely possible that she doesn't suspect anything yet, but the more he gets away with the less cautious he will be.

Tbh, I wouldn't worry a bit about it - easier said than done, yes, but every guy (and girl) I know who has been unfaithful has been discovered eventually. Those who truly regret it usually learn and grow, while those who don't will make the same mistakes and suffer more because of it.

And as cliche as it sounds, remember that who he was isn't necessarily who he is now. The man you were with may not exist any more, but your memories of him can still be true. Moving on takes time though, so just stay patient and hopeful and you'll come out better for it. :D
 

AGR

Well-known member
#11
I think that its better to move on forget about his girlfriend,for all we know she could be doing the same to him,or she could find out or know and dont care still be with him,people are just like that today,its better to move on.
How many times I waited until cheating people got theirs, because I hate people who cheat,it just ...doesnt happen....that often..... its better to move on.....
 

Shenmue

Well-known member
#12
It sounds like he has only one thing on his mind. Unless he chooses a life of celibacy or gets castrated by an angry bull, I would just move on with your life. You are the better person in all of this.
 

SmileMore

Well-known member
#13
It's entirely possible that she doesn't suspect anything yet, but the more he gets away with the less cautious he will be.

Tbh, I wouldn't worry a bit about it - easier said than done, yes, but every guy (and girl) I know who has been unfaithful has been discovered eventually. Those who truly regret it usually learn and grow, while those who don't will make the same mistakes and suffer more because of it.

And as cliche as it sounds, remember that who he was isn't necessarily who he is now. The man you were with may not exist any more, but your memories of him can still be true. Moving on takes time though, so just stay patient and hopeful and you'll come out better for it. :D
I'm not sure what you mean by "who he was isn't necessarily who he is now".
 

Apotheosis

Well-known member
#15
I'm not sure what you mean by "who he was isn't necessarily who he is now".
All I meant was people change, sometimes significantly, so the person you had feelings for before may not be who you're talking to. I say that because my hope is that you'll find a way to distance yourself from him and his relationships.

I understand though that it's not always possible to just think ourselves out of our feelings (if only - life would be so much simpler), but it's a start.
 

fadedteal

Well-known member
#16
I was in a similar situation as yours some time ago. My ex messaged me and asked if I want to be together with him again but I said that I wouldn't unless he break up with his current gf. I think the gf of your ex would find out sooner or later that this guy is a cheater, or I hope so.
 

LazyHermitCrab

Well-known member
#17
It doesn't seem fair but it won't go his way all the time. You can do better with someone who will actually love and care for you. If he will cheat on her, he would cheat on you too. He's not a quality guy, but they are out there and it's not him. Good luck!!!!!!!!
 

Etbow23

Well-known member
#18
I remember I had a friend once who started talking to this guy who seemed to really like her. She didn't know he had a girlfriend. When my friend found out she wasn't interested in him but I guess he was...don't remember. Long story short, when the girlfriend found out that her boyfriend had been trying to contact other girls, she went off on my friend! She would like stalk her on facebook and tried to fight with her once when they saw each other at this party or something. Some girls act like that...they will always blame the other girl & fail to see that it was their boyfriend that was the one instigating things!
Hopefully that doesn't happen to you, but just be careful. I'd say that the girl will realize one day (or not) but you shouldn't have any more contact with him. He's a jerk.
 
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