when something new happens in my life, i hate routine and like spontaneous
I guess happiness isn't euphoria or my answer would be never...
I have some things that keep me happy like going for walks, beating my agoraphobia. Proving myself wrong... i was about to quit my first day at work but I ended up going and it wasn't as bad as I had anticipated it to be.
other random things:
-losing weight
-finding money I had hid a long time ago
and what would improve my life significantly:
-my family accepting me for who i am
-getting my license to drive
-not having to deal with unpleasant people who put me down
-travel
When I cuddle, have sex, drink good tea, am on a board game evening, am on a video game evening, play a great new computer game, finish something that I wanted to finish for a while.
daydreaming about intimacy from a girl i love.... then realizing... that its a fantasy.. a false truth.. its nothing but unrealistic wish thinking... the intimacy suddenly feels like a weakness.. i get more attached to the girl, a girl that already have someone else (like all the others). i realize... that i dont actually know what love is... ive never felt it.. do i even want it?
i then get filled with the strongest of all emotions.. an emotion thats far stronger then love... hate...
the hatred consumes me, followed up by a deep depression and bitterness... then i daydream that the world burns.. annihilation, destruction, dark and sadistic fantasies form... and i get satisfaction from them.. a feel of revenge... vengance.. that.. makes me happy.............................................................................
I was thinking about this the other day, how often do I actually sustain a prolonged feeling of happiness. I worked out it was approximately 2/3 times a fortnight. Either when my fridge is full of new fresh food and my weekly favourite tv show is on or when im drunk, by myself of course, but not everytime I drink I am actually happy. So in a nutshell, the happiness in my life atm is determined by a crappy tv show and the ammount of food in my fridge. That does sound really sad...
I'm at the point where I don't know how to be happy.When I think I am happy people still say I look miserable,grumpy ect.!!!