Although the main one is simple, I'm a purpose driven person. If I could come up with a decisive purpose / goal for having a specific conversation, i'm not anxious. But general conversation, I don't understand the human mind to understand the purpose of it. I understand it eliminates loneliness, but while speaking, what is the purpose of trading words and speaking thoughts? It's not concrete..
That and I am afraid of attention. Being a middle child I am not used to it, it's ****ing scary as ****, ****.. Oh, wait, I can add to that too, I don't understand social graces and boundaries, what to talk about and what not to. My goal is authenticity, so naturally I would talk about some serious **** to strangers, but have to stop myself. Wow, there's a lot.
Dafudge? Have you been reading my diary? Haha, no I'm kidding. I don't have a diary. That must mean you're a mind reader. GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
I worry I'll blush too much, start shaking, say something stupid or not know what to talk about. I also HATE being the center of attention. Seriously, that is like one of the worst things ever for me. I just don't want to make an idiot of myself.
^This... and the fact I am slightly self-conscious about my Scottish accent. I know I shouldn't, but I am.
I get uncomfortable when talking about myself and my life because I'm ashamed of so many things. I especially don't like it when people ask about my employment situation, my family, my goals, my hobbies, my online classes, my mental health, etc. I would rather talk about something else than say anything about myself.
I also don't like it when I speak loud and clear but people still can't hear/understand what I'm saying. This happens many times. I speak as loud as I could but people kept telling me to repeat what I was saying. It's like they are not paying attention or they have too much earwax.
I'm going to talk and talk and talk here on this forum. None of you know me and the worse that can happen is I get banned because I won't be able to talk here any more. You can't see me. You don't know who I really am. This is what I like about this forum. I'm never going to tell you my real name because I don't trust anyone in this world except me
But you didn't answer the question!!!! /nocaps /crud
I know this is just in my head but when I talk to someone, what makes it so hard is that I'm sure that all my moves and words are judging by the other so not only I'm very anxious but it's also very awkward because I talk very slowly in the fear of saying something bad who will result in being rejected ( which is stupid because I'm already rejected because I almost don't talk at all and when I do, it's just look stupid )
sex with my mother. in fact, I never ever talk about the opposite girls. my father also wonder why i have no girlfriend or never talk about girls, he is very outgoing.
