lunarla
Well-known member
It probably would seem fairly obvious to most of us here, but going to a grand opening of a Walmart in your town is the worst possible idea. I'm going to rant and whine a bit, here. So, today I've kind of being feeling odd and with a lower mood than normal. I actually have been having a bit of derealization today which is really weird. Just thinking about perspective and not really understanding it relatively and everything seems a bit not like reality. My mom was talking to me and at one point I just sort of looked at her and it felt like I haven't seen her really or barely know her. Anyway, that was after school. Then my mother was bugging me about going to Walmart so after a bit I gave in. I walked in the store and started seeing all these people that I've never seen in my life in my town. Also, I should have mentioned that I live in a relativelyyyy small town. So Walmart is a big deal. (Not necessarily to me 'cause I'm fairly against Walmart and it's low prices.... There's a high cost for those low prices!) And it is a huuuuuuge one. It actually looks like this floating ghost on top of a hill when you're a ways away from it. Anyway, I lasted about 10 minutes and made my mom give me the keys so I could sit in the car. I started having a panic attack which actually escalates when I was in the car. I'd say it was probably one of the worst I've ever had. I felt better though as soon as I got home. It's so familiar and nice.
My complete lack of being able to be around large groups of people that I don't know really makes me worry about how I'm going to be able to survive later on. Also, survival of the fittest in scientific terms really scares me. I'm kind of weak in that sense, thus not as well adapted to survival. I came to the conclusion that I'll probably be stuck in the small town secluded to my familiar home my whole life. When actually, my plan has been to go to University in Vancouver or the Island. Probably a tonne more people than what was at Walmart. So I just sort of feel hopeless at this point.
I don't know if any of that just made sense.
My complete lack of being able to be around large groups of people that I don't know really makes me worry about how I'm going to be able to survive later on. Also, survival of the fittest in scientific terms really scares me. I'm kind of weak in that sense, thus not as well adapted to survival. I came to the conclusion that I'll probably be stuck in the small town secluded to my familiar home my whole life. When actually, my plan has been to go to University in Vancouver or the Island. Probably a tonne more people than what was at Walmart. So I just sort of feel hopeless at this point.
I don't know if any of that just made sense.
