What is this shy guy thinking?

[teruterutenshi]

Hi guys, I'm a very new member but find that this seems like a good place to talk with people and look for advice. I have a crush on a co-worker, and from what I see and other people told me, he is socially awkward and very shy. When people talk to him he's very friendly and nice but rarely initiates the conversations.Later on we started to have small talks and found out we both love football. Since then I sometimes stopped by his desk to say hi and asked how he's doing. I have tried to become his friend but then he became really nervous and uncomfortable when talking to me. He acts normal around other people, including ladies, but when I start talking to him he turns weird (avoid eye contact, stumble, turn hot and cold). Couple days ago I asked him if he could go watch a baseball game with me since he loves baseball, he smiled and said sure. I also caught him staring at me after that so I thought it's a good sign. But then later of that night he sent me a message in FB and said he could not go with me because he had to do something else. I was so sad since I knew what he meant, so I replied back saying sorry for making him uncomfortable and that I like him so I just wanted to be closer. It took him 1 day to send me another reply, saying I'm nice too but it's best if we just stay friends. I told him I never tried to be someone more than a friend, as I know we don't know much about each other yet. I just want to become friends and understand him more. That's why I asked him out for the baseball game so he can be comfortable. Since then he deactivated his FB and we don't talk at work anymore. I don't think he's avoiding me since he's still around and I caught him looking at me once. I just don't know how to talk to him from now on but don't want to be awkward at work. Please give me some advice!!!

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

If he said those deadly 'just stay friends' words to you, most likely he simply isn't attracted to you. Actual words like that are a lot more reliable than guesses at reasons for his actions.

Much less likely, he has some other reason he doesn't want to date you.

Either way your best move is to cease pursuit and keep your distance. If it's some other reason, he may start to miss the attention and come around.

 

[DepravedFurball]

@Nate, come on, now. Males being males, there's no such thing as 'not attracted to a woman'. Unless he's gay... and if that's the case, then he wouldn't be panicking to such an extent...


No, I think it's more that he'd built up this protective little world for himself, and it was suddenly collapsing around him. He doesn't no what to do, and he's desperately trying to put things back to how they were...


Tenshi, if you're the aggressive sort, corner him and demand answers. Tell him that you're want to be friends on *his terms and conditions*, and that you know he might be terrified of the unknown, but that you'll be able to figure things out together, and make it so that you can both have a good time in one-another's company...

But if you're just as shy as he is... well... yah, that'll never work. Best just to keep with your fantasies, and issue sighs of longing from across the office.

>.<

 

[Odo]

@Nate, come on, now. Males being males, there's no such thing as 'not attracted to a woman'. Unless he's gay... and if that's the case, then he wouldn't be panicking to such an extent...

That's like something an alien would say.
Of course males can be not attracted to a woman.

 

[teruterutenshi]

I'm also a shy one, but I don't mind to be more aggressive if it would work. However, I'm afraid he will be overwhelmed and can't talk to me face to face, like how he rejected my date.

On a side note, I'm wondering if he has Eurotophobia. Everytime when he interviews pregnant claimants over the phone, he tries his best to avoid the word "******l" and ends up asking them if they had C-section or normal way.

 

[skins]

@Nate, come on, now. Males being males, there's no such thing as 'not attracted to a woman'. Unless he's gay... and if that's the case, then he wouldn't be panicking to such an extent...


No, I think it's more that he'd built up this protective little world for himself, and it was suddenly collapsing around him. He doesn't no what to do, and he's desperately trying to put things back to how they were...


Tenshi, if you're the aggressive sort, corner him and demand answers. Tell him that you're want to be friends on *his terms and conditions*, and that you know he might be terrified of the unknown, but that you'll be able to figure things out together, and make it so that you can both have a good time in one-another's company...

But if you're just as shy as he is... well... yah, that'll never work. Best just to keep with your fantasies, and issue sighs of longing from across the office.

>.<

wowah I couldn't disagree more...all straight men are attracted to all those of the opposite sex? what is the colour of the sky in your world? lol sorry no offence...I'm with nate though, you can't make it anymore clear then to throw out the "lets stay friends" term. You will embarrass yourself by persuing this any further. Don't confuse the shyness with keenness, I'm shy around my boss but I don't fancy him.

 

[bsammy]

im a guy and there are plenty of women im not attracted to..to make matters worse there are pretty women out there that i of course find attractive but their personality is a turn-off..so, a guy can definitely find a woman to not be attractive..plus, if a guy is shy and doesnt find the woman attractive, its highly unlikely he will be hanging out with her outside of work..

 

[BlueWeepingRose]

I'm sorry that this guy is confusing you, guys confuse me too. I've met a few guys who I liked too and they acted hot and cold towards me and it gave me stress, in the end I kept my distance and never tried talking to them. Continue to keep your distance from him and see what happens. Maybe he'll start talking to you again one day, but for now continue to keep your distance from him so you don't stress yourself over it.

 

[teruterutenshi]

Yesterday was the day we supposed to go to the game. I decided to still go with another friend, so in the afternoon before I left I changed to another shirt with my favorite team logo. Another lady in the office saw it and came to talk with me about the game. And while we were talking, he suddenly walked away from his desk. I am so confused. Maybe I should give up on him because I feel it won't go anywhere anyway. I don't know why I like this guy so much. His colleague is now trying to getting close to me and he is totally opposite from my crush but I just don't feel the same way.

 

[theoutsider]

Not that I'm advocating you to be a quitter but it seems best to not count on this guy coming around in this situation. He sounds confused as well as shy. I think all you will do is wind up making yourself unhappy if you try to figure out his moods and actions. Like someone said earlier, he may come around if you stop paying attention to him. But I think it's in your best interests to step away from the pursuit. You have already done your part and reached out to him, now it's time for him to show some initiative if he feels you are worth the effort.

 

[hoddesdon]

Yesterday was the day we supposed to go to the game. I decided to still go with another friend, so in the afternoon before I left I changed to another shirt with my favorite team logo. Another lady in the office saw it and came to talk with me about the game. And while we were talking, he suddenly walked away from his desk. I am so confused. Maybe I should give up on him because I feel it won't go anywhere anyway. I don't know why I like this guy so much. His colleague is now trying to getting close to me and he is totally opposite from my crush but I just don't feel the same way.

It sounds like he regrets cancelling with you. At the time he felt impelled to do so, but now wishes he could call back yesterday, bid time return. I have done the same thing. That is why he did not want to hear you talk about it. It suggests that he does want to get together with you.

 

[Outtay]

I don't know.... It does sound a lot like I would behave, if I had a crush on somebody. I then imagine what it would be like with them, and always come to the conclusion "It wouldn't work, never". After I had this thought I try to distance myself from my crush, so I can forget those feelings and just live my life again like I always had. I don't think it's the right way to do that, but that's how I've always done it.....
I don't know, how you would prove that, or what you should do if that's the case. Just throwing it out there.