EvilFlyingCow
Well-known member
“Here, right this way sir, step through the curtain and enter the Babylon Matrix as a helpless infant and yes, that’s right sir just sign right there, yes sir, yes sir, that’s the list of attributes and side effects, yes sir, that’s exactly right sir, gravity, mortality, corporeality, evil, yes sir those are some of the attributes sir, yes sir if you sign there you are fully committed to accept those attributes sir, how long will it be sir? Sorry sir, one of the attributes is that you don’t know the duration sir, but for ethical reasons we do try to keep it under one hundred years of age sir, yes sir that’s equivalent to about 36,000 days according to Babylon Matrix time, yes sir. What’s that sir? Will you be subject to evil? Why yes sir! In many different forms sir, we’ll make sure of it! What’s that sir? The attribute called government, sir, you want to know what that means? No sir, government doesn’t mean self government sir, quite the opposite sir, government means that an organized group of twisted, sadistic mortals will have the power of life and death over you sir, why yes sir, government is a guaranteed attribute sir!, what’s that sir?, What does massive global taxation and parasitism mean? Yes sir, that’s another of the guaranteed attributes of the Babylon Matrix sir, it means that on massively parallel levels there will be governments, parasitic mortals, poisons, cellular parasites, radiation and all sorts of other things working hard to drain your vitality at every moment sir. Why yes, that is absolutely guaranteed sir, absolutely guaranteed sir, the Babylon Matrix is actually based on that sir. Would you like to sign up now sir? We’re offering a special promotion right now sir, it’s an attribute called random birth defects sir. What’s that sir? Why yes sir, being born as a helpless infant is already included sir, yes sir helpless infant is already a guaranteed attribute sir, every mortal in the history of the Babylon Matrix has that attribute sir, but in addition to that attribute we are offering a random birth defect option sir, to just our select customers sir, no sir it doesn’t guarantee a birth defect, that’s exactly right sir, but it means that you have a substantial chance of having one sir. yes sir, that’s right sir, in most cases the birth defect would be permanent sir, irreversible sir, a permanent handicap for the entire duration of your stay in the Babylon Matrix sir, considered the ultimate challenge sir, the ultimate challenge sir, what’s that sir? Can a birth defect be guaranteed sir? Why yes sir, it can sir, there is a special rider you can sign, we can make it part of the package sir, but there is a slight charge for that sir, very good sir, I’ll just get that rider now sir, thank you sir, very exciting attribute you’ve signed on for sir, quite a challenge! What’s that sir? What does the attribute ‘dismembered into ravenous gendered state’ mean? Why yes sir, that’s one of the main attributes of every Babylon Matrix package we offer sir, it means that your wholeness will be divided so that you will be anatomically committed to being one gender while you are in the Babylon Matrix sir, Yes sir, that’s right sir, in almost every case that is irreversible sir, a guaranteed attribute sir, we lock it down on the cellular DNA level sir, it’s many levels deep in the code sir. Yes that’s right sir, being gendered means that you will have a ravenous appetite for others that you falsely believe will complete you sir, absolutely that is guaranteed sir, yes sir, that’s exactly right, that almost always does include a whole series of painful dramas, and intense all encompassing delusions sir, yes sir, that absolutely is a major part of the Babylon Matrix sir, in fact, our technicians sir have estimated that 90% of the songs created in the Babylon Matrix are about the tortuous enchantments of this one attribute of being gendered sir, speaks for itself doesn’t it sir? What’s that sir? You’d like to sign up right now sir? Are you interested in our early commitment program sir? You are sir? Very good sir, very wise choice indeed sir, sign right here sir, What’s that sir?, You want to know if you can sign in blood?, why yes sir, you can sign in blood sir, yes sir, we actually require our customers to sign in blood sir, very good choice sir. Sir, I am required to tell you that signing here means you waive your right to read several pages of undisclosed attributes but commit to them absolutely, yes sir, right over there sir, and if you’ll just initial here sir, and there sir. Thank you sir, thank you very much sir, sir, we appreciate your business sir, Sir, please enjoy your stay in the Babylon Matrix.”
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