What are you trying to accomplish?

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
So most people here have some sort of problem they are trying to solve in one way or another, and what I'm curious about is what specifically that is. And I don't mean "to cure myself of SA," I mean specifically, what are you aspiring to accomplish? What is wrong, and how do you want it to be different? Do you want to be at a place where you're able to talk to strangers? To date? Are you trying to raise your self-esteem? Do you want to be able to function independently of others, i.e. live on your own? Is there a job or career you want to attain that you can't because of social limitations? Are you trying to find a way to fit in and function in society? Do you want to be able to leave your house?

It doesn't have to exclusive to SA, anything in life you're working towards. I've been thinking about it lately, and was curious to what everyone else's are.
 
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Phoenixx

Well-known member
This is a good thread, vj. Hm... I'd say the thing I've been trying to accomplish the most lately is just convincing myself that college is NOT going to be a repeat of high school. I'm trying not to panic over the thought of it, and so far I've been doing pretty well.
 
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ScaredToBreathe

Well-known member
well, i'd like to accomplish being able to speak to people... when i'm around people i often tense up and get anxious and if they talk to me i often find i lose my voice and i cant speak even when i try to, or i speak really quietly and dont say much.
another thing is i'd like to be able to date. i just want a normal life, like getting married and having a family or something... i havent dated many guys and the ones i did date were not patient enough to stay with me. i don't want someone i have to be with every second, cuz i'm very independant and like time alone, but i want someone who is understanding and accepting. if i dont date then i'll never get married or anything which is kinda depressing to me.
so yea those are some things i guess i wanna accompish
 

Hastings & Main

Well-known member
I'm trying to stop over-thinking what I say.
I'm never sure what's going to come out of my mouth (I'm very intelligent, but my wit, or response-time, is terribly slow), so I stop to think it through, and am seen as either dumb or not as 'fast' as everyone else.

Mostly I tend to just smile and nod in the right places. Once in a long while I'll actually come up with something right at the moment, but it's rare.

Seems simple, but it's the reason why I'm a "low-talker" or mumbler, and afraid of speaking up when the opportunity arises.

The cycle: fear of what they'll think of my opinion or sense of humor; anxiety from the fear triggers a short-circuit from the thoughts speeding up and colliding in my brain; mind goes blank (very common) as a result; more anxiety from being left out of the conversation, being thought of as 'slow', and not socially 'getting ahead' by being an active contributor in the group; mild depression afterwards at home, alone as usual.

Repeat enough times, and the invitations appear less frequently, and dribble to a stop.


However - I am working on it, taking small but steady, important steps up the ladder and out of the hole. Basically teaching myself to recognize all my negative thoughts and actions, then stopping them when they come, addressing them with a "Why do I care?", "Why would that stop me?", "Why am I afraid of what he/she is thinking?" right at the moment it happens.
More simply, I face the many tiny fears head on, get in their face, let them know it's all bull****, and stepping over them as they shrink to nothing.
A simple thing that's hard to explain, but it definitely snowballs like anything that you keep practicing at and becomes routine, and finally, normal, to just 'not fear' anymore.


Another problem I have is "downer convo", basically much of the conversations I start or steer in the direction of are depressing topics such as my own problems, things that are wrong in the world, etc.
Make them laugh and you'll have more friends. Bring up your city's homelessness problems up at a party and see how far you get :).
Now I just have to start having some happy experiences to share.
 

WeirdyMcGee

Well-known member
I want to love myself rather than counting on someone else to love me. If I can even like myself a little bit, I feel like I'd have the confidence to work and be 'myself' - whoever that happens to be.
I don't know who I am though... or what I'd want to do with my life (other than just die.)

I'd like a purpose to live and to be alive; as I haven't had a feeling of purpose in a very long time.
 

Apotheosis

Well-known member
I want to be comfortable with my own identity, whatever that identity may reveal itself to be. I want to be able to walk in public as myself and not disguised by one of my many masks. I don't care if people accept me, I don't care if they reject me outright for who I am, so long as I have truly come into being as my own self. Nothing else really matters.
 

mikebird

Banned
Trying to get through the impervious rejection barrier

Doing anything to accomplish this involves:

acting
brashness
violence
discovering the reason for rejection (ugliness?)
gentleness

once I get through that barrier, the next stage will be:
another rejection
 

JonnyD

Well-known member
really i just find social networking hard to enjoy...
i don't like leting random people into my life, and this is the sole point of social networking today... i do have accounts , but i rarelly use them.

seriously, its not about being ugly or pretty, i've seen really ugly peopl with thousands of friends... and i mean really ugly (i'm kind ugly i know, but i'm no an hipocrit, there are people who are just unlucky enought to be exceptionally ugly... it doesnt keep them from living)
 
The only thing i try at the moment is to become happy with myself. I notice that when i feel happy i can focus on my hobbies like drawing and learning Japanese. So this is what i need to work on first in order to do other stuff.
 

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
Thanks for the replies guys :)

There are a few things I think I want to accomplish. First I want to find a way to function in the real world. I'll sometimes think to the future to when I'm 26 or so, and maybe living on my own, and realize a lot of the things necessary to do that I can't do right now. I'll think what if my toilet stops working, I'd have to call a plumber or a super, and that's something I have difficulty with. Getting cable installed, opening a bank account, even talking to the owner of the apartment to see about living there seems out of reach for me right now. So I want to at least be able to do simple, everyday tasks that require communicating with others. I can't do everything online(or without talking), and I don't want to have to. One of my greatest fears is being 26 and living in my parents basement with no way out, just totally disabled. If I can, I want to prevent that.

That's my bare minimum goal right now, if that's all I accomplished it wouldn't be ideal but it would be acceptable. I would love to be able to get to a place where I could possibly date, but I know that may never happen, which I could deal with. I want to try to better myself in many ways, so that I can be a person I'm proud of rather than ashamed of as I feel know. If not, I'd love to be able to either have a job or be in a position in which I can dedicate myself to making others happy. I want to be able to get my own life together and have a certain level of mental well-being, but if I can't then I want to be able to see other people like that.

I'm not sure how I'll accomplish any of these things, but I'm going to try to do them nonetheless.
 

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
I'd like to avoid slamming my head through to dry wall of my room. That's my first step, or perhaps, I should just do it and get it over with so I can move on to accomplishing things.

I do want to finish Mass Effect 2, I spent 80 hours getting to lvl 60 in ME1, to have ult experience in ME2, now it's time to get that saga over with so I have no excuse to do nothing.
 

DimBulb

Well-known member
I was/am a nerd. I studied hard, passed my masters in computer applications in distinction, despite all odds, and managed to get a good job. That's about it. This is my accomplishment in life. From there on i do not have any other long term goals, just slog on by myself, lead a peaceful/lonely life and have a sudden, painless/peaceful death with all my faculties unimpeded. This is not much to ask for and i do hope that the Gods grant my wish.
 
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