Welcoming advice for panic and Valium

Ryz

New member
How it all started

Before May 2007 I had only a handful of anxiety and panic attacks. Possibly depression related. Ended up in the ER at local hospitals which seems to be a common story. For years I was always offered ecstasy and I went through a bad patch when a girlfriend’s visa ran out and she had to leave the country. So I decided to try it out as it makes you so “happy”. I was a little worried as all I had ever done was smoke marijuana. Seemed good and I understood why so many people use ecstasy… Around 3 days later a panic attack/come down woke me up at about 6am, I didn’t know what the hell was going on, I was completely lost and couldn’t think straight or think of a single thing in the world that me happy. I couldn’t drive or even walk and eventually after an hour or so ended up driving to my grandmothers and said to her, you don’t need to even speak, I just need to sit next to someone.

About 6-8 hours later it passed, I guess this would have been a “come down” I’m still not really sure as I hear a come down normally happens the next day, not 3 or 4 days later. Before that day I had only maybe 3 anxiety attacks, very minor in comparison to what the last “almost” three years have been like.

I guess my main problems all really began to start when I was working real estate in London, six days a week and 12 hours a day. I’d never been a good sleeper and I guess you could say I had insomnia of a mild kind. With this job and the stress I was now sleeping even less. London is a wonderful city however there can be other sides as well. It can be a hard city to live in, It’s expensive, people are always sick, rude, weather can really suck and in general human life just doesn’t seem like it’s worth much. I guess it’s probably the same in most big cities. I was brought up in a small city in Australia so I guess I see things different. I could only stand a month of the real estate pressure and had to resign.

So all in the same week I resign the stressful job, haven’t slept right for a month, living with my landlord who was a complete bitch, my girl lived in France and was coming over until she broke her leg, and just finding out my father could die due to his heart. With all these thought like “did I make the right choice to resign” and “should I stay here when my father could die back in Australia” I felt like I was on the edge of turning insane. With all this and more happening in the same week something started.

I woke up the next day and my head was ringing… I mean ringing, like you might get when you’ve just left a night club or the milder type you get when you’re in a quiet room. I remember the day well, It was May day so many places were closed and after a few hours I decided to try find a hospital. Eventually, sitting in the ER someone called my name and I spent in next few minutes trying to convince the nurse that I don’t use heroin or anything like that (just like the staff in Australia). As it was May day many of the chemist were closed, I can’t remember why but I had to wait another day to go to another hospital or a made an appointment at another hospital. So in that time waiting I decided the risk of staying just wasn’t worth it and ended up buying a one way ticket back to see my father.

Once back in Australia I saw many doctors, many said it was stress related and will pass, just like in London. Some said schizophrenia, others bi-polar and of course depression. It took a couple of months but eventually I had to use Google to find out I had “Chronic Tinnitus” spelt and pronounced differently depending on who you ask. I hadn’t heard of this before so for anyone who doesn’t know what it is a basic definition is “A sensation of a ringing or buzzing noise that is not caused by any external sound.”

So I’ve had the Cat scans and MRI’s, see many doctors including ENT’s, neurologists and many tests. As I’m sure anyone would when they discover their head rings 24/7 no matter if you’re somewhere loud or quiet. I get vertigo as well so I looked into Meniere's disease but to tell the truth, doctors seem more interested in going on their lunch break than really helping people, I guess after a few years for the majority it just seems like any other job and you stop giving 100% unless you really need too.

So coming up to three years, it’s not the ringing that really bothers me anymore. When all this first started I went through months of not sleeping, the ringing made it so hard. I became an insomniac in every meaning of the word. I developed a fear of even trying to sleep and when my eyes were closed that would feel like that were still open, I was lucky to sleep 4 hours every few days. The insomnia leading to lack of concentration, memory and anxiety, the anxiety leading to panic attacks and agoraphobia and the agoraphobia leading to never going out, losing social skills, confidence and a whole bucket of other phobias. So the 25 year old ready to take on the world has now turned into a 28 year old that spends most his time at home having panic attacks... some days 10 out of 10 (strength wise) panic attacks.

I’ve seen many psychiatrists and psychologists none of them have ever experienced a true panic attack and the advice they give and the breathing techniques they use and the medication they give nothing has truly worked any wonders. I’ve been on antidepressants and mood stabilizers to mention a few and the only thing I have found that gives any relief is Valium/Diazepam.

So for almost three years I’ve been using Valium, tried to come off it a few times but it just seems to be the only thing that makes me feel close to how I used to be and it 100% helps with my sleeping. Yoga, meditation, noise filters, CBT just to list a few, I kind of feel like I’ve tried everything and seen everyone. I still get anxiety everyday and it’s a blessing if it doesn’t turn into a panic attack, I’ve never abused the Valium and I know if I did I would probably never have attacks. I just don’t like to use something to give me a temporary feeling that I’m fine. It’s confusing as sometimes I feel like I’m fine again and tomorrow I’ll live a new life again.

So I work weekends at a video store, it’s the least stressful job I could think of, I always need the Valium as I feel the anxiety coming on. I had to resign for about 10 months as I had a major panic attack one night, But I’m back now. I had to call today and explain that I had another major attack and don’t feel confident to work tonight. It’s something I really hate doing as since I was 14 I’ve worked and was never sick or late for anything. Now I can’t even handle working alone at a video store.

So I’ve downloaded the “Linden Method” if you don’t know what it is a quick google will tell you. No idea if it will help or not. Thinking that it will be three years next May, I want to quit the Valium, be more active and ride a bike. Maybe follow the Linden Method if it feels right... I guess what i’m trying to say and the entire point of me writing on this forum... Is I want to get off Valium and see the light in life again. Doctors just don’t seem to get it. I’m aware that this problem is caused by me and is a behavioural condition. I’m just seeking any kind of advice from people that have experienced the same types of problems like constant panic attacks, generalized anxiety disorder or even tinnitus if you think it might be helpful.

Please keep in mind I’ve spent a couple of years researching what I can so many of the common tips I probably already know. If you’ve experienced anything like this or even better if you have overcome such conditions feel free to leave as much information as possible or even tips that helped you out. People with experience is what, I’m sure many people need for guidance, including myself.

Sorry for such a long post. I’ve never posted on any forum before but they truly seem like a place full of experience. Please note that if you have even suffered from mild anxiety this may not be the right thread. I’m after advice from people who experience or who at some point experienced extreme panic disorders that have left them disabled and crippled to live their once normal life, people that became addicted to Valium and how they got off it.
Thank you for reading.
Ryz
 
Meds wont "fix" your problem. When you take meds you are a guinea pig for the doctors and medicine companies. They rely on people taking them and then they see what results they get. I have not heard of one soul who was ever cured of any mental illness with meds. GET SMART and find out other ways to treat and cope with your mental problems, its ultimately up to you. **** these doctors and drug companies, they are a bunch of jerks. They make a fortune too selling their bullshit drugs!
 
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