Warning: Crisis situation.

[Falkor]

Hey people, I really need to vent. I am struggling at the moment. I have a depression, and it's very bad. I haven't been going to school for halve a year and that made my life miserable. I started to sleep at night times and wake up too late, I didn't do anything else than computering and sleeping. My parents are very mad at me at the moment, because next week school starts. I feel like the world is ending, I feel like I'm worthless piece of shit, I have severe social anxiety and I feel ugly and I'm afraid everybody will hate me at school. A new class, I don't even have a life, all those people are social and stuff. I will envy them. And another thing is, my parents they tell me everyday : YOU DON'T DO NOTHING, NOTHING THIS, NOTHING THAT. And I just went downstairs and told my story, They were like YEAH IT'S BECAUSE YOU DO NOTHING. I started screaming like a maniac and said that they SHUOLD UNDERSTAND ME AND GIVE ME SOME LOVE, THAT WOULD CHANGE THE WOLRD. They said no you should look at the facts, you do nothing.. I'm about to really lose my mind and grip on life.


I have aggressive behaviours, I hitted the walls and my parents only get more mad at me, they say I'm ****ing insane, and I should stop before they will get me. I said THERES A REASON WHY I DO THIS MY LIFE IS TERRIBLE, and they say Yeah yeah now you ****ing stop. I HATE THEM I REALLY HATE MY PARNETS THEY SHOULD HEAR ME !!!!! OR I'M ****ING KILLING MYSELF !! SORRY... I WON'T BUT I HATE THIS LIFE

 

[Falkor]

See?? my parents don't hear me. They say they don't wanna hear anything about my problems anymore, because I have been like this for years and they are sick of hearing it. Okay well !!! I can't help it !! and today it's saturday, i feel horrible, sitting in my room... and they are just like stop it AND IGNORING ME

 

[spider04]

I think the best thing you can do now is go to school and show them you want to do something. They just don't know how to deal with your situation or can't and the way you're acting doesn't seem to help either, think about it. I'm starting school this Monday and I'm very scared too, new class etc. I have low self esteem, feel stupid, but I am going, even though something stupid happens every year to me because of my SA.

 

[Flanscho]

Well, don't know how I can help you. You know of course that you can't stay at home forever. Well, unless your parents are rich and you will inherit their stuff and so on, then you can theoretically stay at home from birth until you're 90 and die of old age. But if your parents ain't that rich, you can't do that. And you probably don't want to either. Mostly because such isolation will in the long run make sure that you wno't get 90 years old.

One of your aims should be to become independant. To become independant you need money and a job and be able to communicate wiht people, and unless you got some insane talent you also need some sort of education.

I don't know if you are in therapy already. If you are not, you should get one. But you don't have the time to be in therapy for 10 years and doing nothing else at the same time.

You should try to focus on yourself and work on yourself, instead of trying to find mistakes others do. I'm not saying that your parents are perfect, simply that focusing on them won't help you.

Or in short: you have to go to school.

 

[kihira]

I used to hate having to go back to school after summer holidays, I understand the anxiety it must be causing you and the frustration of not having your parents listen to you about it. We're all listening here, so keep talking :thumbup:

 

[Richey]

I think this is quite common for some people, especially students with avoidant/depressive issues?? To disengage attendance when pain outweighs motivation.

First thing to do, go and talk to your school. Talk to the head of your school department, tell them what occurred, ask where you can go from here.

Getting back on board with study is important. You want to finish your studies, it won't be anywhere near as hard as you be imagining. Or if you want to leave, inform them and make some decision. whatever you want to do.

Now in terms of your daily sleeping habbits, I think 2 hours before midnight is a good time, so just getting that routine of sleep back is important for you, Try to get some exercise, get some sun, get your eating habits back to healthy.

You are a human being and something has occurred that has made you disengage. You can turn it around.

No need for guilt. You can't change the past. You've apologised to parents, but life gives you many chances and opportunities.

I recommend self help audiobooks, happy affirmation audiobooks, you can get from iTunes.

Good luck. Start working towards good things. Goals. Achievements that you want for yourself.

Take it easy on yourself, slow your breathing down, meditation.

Talk to some people that can help you, doctor, therapist, friend, family, resources. Try and understand why things happened the way it did. Write it out in a journal perhaps.

So what can help is associating pain and displeasure with the staying in your room and avoiding things. You want to associate pleasure and enjoyment out of trying to achieve your goals instead.

Perhaps communicating to your parents that you want to change and why you want to change will really help.

 

[surewhynot]

You should appreciate your parents more. They give you shelter, food, opportunities. I will say it bluntly : the way you acted was in no way acceptable. Maybe you should take a moment to gain some perspective. I'm not saying that your parents are perfect, no one is. But maybe you should stop trying to find excuses all the time, and actually take the steps to get better. Your parents are upset that you do nothing, because if you keep like that you will never get anywhere in life : do you really want to be 40 years old and still spending all day in your parents basement on the computer? No, and neither do they.

School isn't about being popular and social. School is about getting an education, so that you can build your own life, get independent. You have no excuse for not going to school. Wake up every morning, go to school, don't be late, and if you can't talk with others or make friends then so be it, but you owe it to your parents to do something with your life. Will it be easy? Probably not, but you need to commit yourself in life. Stop blaming others.

 

[Raichel]

Hi Falkor, sorry to hear you're feeling so down. I don't really have any advice on how to instantly feel better, but all things Richey mentioned are great for improving your mental/physical health in the long run. It's far from easy though, but we have to keep trying to get better!

I know this won't help you, but I just wanted to tell you how well I can relate to your situation. I too, haven't been to school the past 8-9 months. I dropped out at the beginning of the year and got a parttime job as mail carrier instead. Only worked about ten hours a week though, that was the limit or my anxiety would go through the roof. But now I see that without an education I'm forced to work minimum wage jobs for the rest of my life, and that's definitely not what I want. So a few weeks back I made the decision to sign up for college once again and try to get a qualification this time. I sure am much more motivated to work hard than I was last year, but unfortenately my social anxiety hasn't gotten any better...

First school day is on Tuesday, next week. I'm nervous. Very. Nervous.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Sorry you're going through this Falkor! You're such a nice soul, if the kids at school got to know you, they would like you. But, the problem is (mine too) you lack self esteem. You expect the worse out of everyone (they will hate me etc) instead of the best.

Think of it this way. Every person you meet may be a 1. Potential friend 2. Love interest or 3. A lesson to learn from.

That way of thinking did help me tremendously until I went into another dark depression. I need to remember that and start applying it again.

 

[Lea]

You should appreciate your parents more. They give you shelter, food, opportunities. I will say it bluntly : the way you acted was in no way acceptable. Maybe you should take a moment to gain some perspective. I'm not saying that your parents are perfect, no one is. But maybe you should stop trying to find excuses all the time, and actually take the steps to get better. Your parents are upset that you do nothing, because if you keep like that you will never get anywhere in life : do you really want to be 40 years old and still spending all day in your parents basement on the computer? No, and neither do they.

School isn't about being popular and social. School is about getting an education, so that you can build your own life, get independent. You have no excuse for not going to school. Wake up every morning, go to school, don't be late, and if you can't talk with others or make friends then so be it, but you owe it to your parents to do something with your life. Will it be easy? Probably not, but you need to commit yourself in life. Stop blaming others.

That´s not about it!! I know this situation all too well, and if her parents are like mine, even if she was doing everything perfectly, they will never appreciate it. All she needs now is them to be a little more humane, even a little bit would help. Maybe she is not perfect, she has mental problems but that´s exactly when UNDERSTANDING and SUPPORT, not prodding to achievment is needed. That would help a world. Well she can try to go on and do everything perfectly even without that, but often parents like this destroy the soul so much that you literally can´t go on because of despair, depression and abandonment. It´s when a simple nice word makes difference, not preaching about what you should and shouldn´t do, blah blah.

It´s like trying to give a little crying child cold logical explanations, while a hug and a nice word is what´s needed. Logical explanations make him even more frustrated and desperate.

 

[Raichel]

It´s like trying to give a little crying child cold logical explanations, while a hug and a nice word is what´s needed. Logical explanations make him even more frustrated and desperate.

I'd make for a horrible, horrible mother then. :shyness:

Then again, we already knew that.

 

[surewhynot]

That´s not about it!! I know this situation all too well, and if her parents are like mine, even if she was doing everything perfectly, they will never appreciate it. All she needs now is them to be a little more humane, even a little bit would help. Maybe she is not perfect, she has mental problems but that´s exactly when UNDERSTANDING and SUPPORT, not prodding to achievment is needed. That would help a world. Well she can try to go on and do everything perfectly even without that, but often parents like this destroy the soul so much that you literally can´t go on because of despair, depression and abandonment. It´s when a simple nice word makes difference, not preaching about what you should and shouldn´t do, blah blah.

It´s like trying to give a little crying child cold logical explanations, while a hug and a nice word is what´s needed. Logical explanations make him even more frustrated and desperate.

Of course she's not perfect, no one is, but that's just it : neither are her parents. She says that she's been like this for years, don't you think that it could also be hard on the parents? They are victims of her illness just as much as she is, and it just doesn't seem to me like she appreciates their sacrifices. Falkor is asking her parents to be understanding of her problems, but she doesn't seem to be understanding of their situation herself. Complaining about yourself is easy, but sometimes you need to gain another perspective, you are NOT the center of the Universe.

 

[Lea]

I'd make for a horrible, horrible mother then. :shyness:

Then again, we already knew that.

Hey what´s this sarcasm to mean?? I suppose you apply this to your answering to me in my previous thread. Like you think you gave me a cold logical answer while you think I was in for a hug? Jeez that´s completely off, this is so ridiculous. That can´t be transferred like that, it´s a completely something different. Btw, I think I answered your cynism with arguments well enough in my previous thread. I don´t know why you have the need to bite me in the *** like this, I don´t even know you and never did anything bad to you.

 

[Raichel]

Hey what´s this sarcasm to mean?? I suppose you apply this to your answering to me in my previous thread. Like you think you gave me a cold logical answer while you think I was in for a hug? Jeez that´s completely off, this is so ridiculous. That can´t be transferred like that, it´s a completely something different. Btw, I think I answered your cynism with arguments well enough in my previous thread. I don´t know why you have the need to bite me in the *** like this, I don´t even know you and never did anything bad to you.

I'm sorry you took this the wrong way. My comment about me having questionable parenting skills is completely unrelated to any responses I have written in your thread. This was nothing more than an inside joke, that's all.

 

[Lea]

Of course she's not perfect, no one is, but that's just it : neither are her parents. She says that she's been like this for years, don't you think that it could also be hard on the parents? They are victims of her illness just as much as she is, and it just doesn't seem to me like she appreciates their sacrifices. Falkor is asking her parents to be understanding of her problems, but she doesn't seem to be understanding of their situation herself. Complaining about yourself is easy, but sometimes you need to gain another perspective, you are NOT the center of the Universe.

I have read quite a few previous posts of Falkor and can see there is someting wrong with her parents. They were even beating her. To evaluate the situation correctly though, it would be necessary to know them all personally and witness the situations. I have seen many parents like this, like when a child is crying desperate on the floor, and they try to argue with him telling him if he doesn´t stop crying, they will forbid him watching TV or to go out or punish him in some way, which once happened when I was an aupair. They regulary did this and were telling me the girl is very naughty and unmanageable. While as I saw then, she was OK, she was only 3 y.o. btw, but the mother was hysterical and was treatng her like shit, when she cried, instead of telling her something nice she was calling her names and threatened her with police etc., which made the girl throwing herself on the floor in despair and cry even more. What I did was giving her a hug and ask if she wanted to play a game. She immediately stopped crying and said yes, then we were playing and reading and she started smiling and was OK, not a monster. I have seen more cases like this and when I see parents behaving like this to their kids, it grates on my skin.

 

[Lea]

I'm sorry you took this the wrong way. My comment about me having questionable parenting skills is completely unrelated to any responses I have written in your thread. This was nothing more than an inside joke, that's all.

So what kind of mother would you be like? Like what I described above?

 

[Raichel]

^ Yeah, exactly like that. A defining character trait of mine is bluntness, which, along with being generally cold / stand off ish coupled with my dislike of children don't really make me a suitable parent to put it mildly.

Btw, reading your above post I get the idea you'd be a great mum. Children often don't understand when they're doing something wrong. Yelling and scolding will only make the kid more confused. I know that from experience. The way you went about it, hugging and being sweet to her was the right thing to do.

Okay sorry for hijacking your thread Falkor, I'll stop now I promise.

 

[jaim38]

I am in the same situation too. When I found out 2 of my mandatory classes require in-class presentations, I freaked out big time. As you all know, public speaking is a social phobic's nightmare. I really wanted to drop out of uni. When someone ask me why I want to drop out, I said I wanted to find a job and get experience first, because I have almost no relevant job experience. Then, he asked me "what's your real reason for wanting to drop out?" And I said it's because of public speaking. I am scared to death about those projects. It's not just public speaking, it's also going out to interview potential clients!

So, I have no real, valid reason for dropping out. Plus I have student loans I gotta pay off. So either way, I must go through with this nightmare.

This is the first week of school for me. I keep thinking those classmates will come to hate me, but ImNotMyIllness offered some good suggestions for combatting this type of thinking. I still walk around looking shy and awkward, even though I try very hard not to look abnormal.

You could try taking online courses first, then once you're comfortable online, gradually transition to offline courses. At least you'll still be enrolled in school.

I get the impression your parents are very strict and maybe abusive. All you need is love and support, but you're not getting it at home. That sucks.