Want to help a shy guy at work

mismeek

Well-known member
This guy is working at my job for a work release program. Hes so shy that he can't find a job anywhere so the state places him somewhere and they pay him to work.. so the company just gets free labor. Hes very shy, and i just want to make him feel more comfortable.. anyone have any tips?

I tried being friendly to him but i can tell im just freaking him out more... he cant even get the nerve up to ask me question or for help.

thanks
sophia
 
He sounds like me, but more severe, but not really lol. Anyway, just nod at him when you see him, a smile can just cause his shyness to increase (as he would be expected to smile back).

You're right, trying to talk to him or get close to him will only make the experience worse for him.

You can't help him, only he can. You can help him by acknowledging him and giving him his space. Or, you could try to "help" him, by being really direct with him...
 
Good on you, a few thoughts:

  • Allow time for him to warm to you
  • Talk to him side-by-side rather than facing, avoiding eye contact
  • Phrase questions so they can be answered easily
  • Allow some written communication if practical eg email
  • Talk one-to-one away from others
  • Try to establish common interests
  • Introduce him to SPW
  • Remember he may be girl-shy
  • Comment on work well done

Will add more if they come to mind:)
 

Waybuloo

Well-known member
Don't draw attention to him in a way that he has to respond in front of many people. Try not to look at him too much when you talk. But it's important to offer your help to him, and let him know that you are there to help, without imposing too much. Even though he's shy and too timid to ask, he's probably freaking out in a strange business environment and would like a lifeline to hang on to, such as a supportive colleague. When I was at work I clung to someone to ask them for help, even though I don't like to do it. But, you cannot cocoon him too much, he'd have to exercise bit by bit and force himself out of his shell abit, that is the point of putting him into work.
 

mismeek

Well-known member
okay I'll try these things! Thanks.

another question.. if i did want to introduce him to SPW how would i bring it up? He doesnt really know that everyone knows about his problem. >.>
 
^slowly, that's how ;)

It might be too much trouble for you to deal with. I would recommend just being nice to him and giving him his space..etc.
 

ilmatross

Well-known member
^slowly, that's how ;)

It might be too much trouble for you to deal with. I would recommend just being nice to him and giving him his space..etc.

that makes me extremely angry you're saying he isn't worth the time

how would you like that to be said about you
 
^I *never* said he isn't worth the time ;)

I just know from **personal experience** that it takes A LOT of work to help someone in that situation, too much for any one person who isn't extremely close to that individual to be able to put into. It takes extreme dedication to be of help to someone like that. It's understandable that *most* people do not have that dedication.

I know that people at work have tried to help me by being nice to me or trying to start small talk and such, but it just doesn't work because my SA is too much. So I just appreciate them being nice to me, acknowledging me, and giving me my space to feel comfortable and not freak me out ;)

I have worked 2 years there btw, and that's what I've found out that works best. Both for me and the people that try to "help" me :)
 
Last edited:

ilmatross

Well-known member
^I *never* said he isn't worth the time ;)

I just know from **personal experience** that it takes A LOT of work to help someone in that situation, too much for any one person who isn't extremely close to that individual to be able to put into. It takes extreme dedication to be of help to someone like that. It's understandable that *most* people do not have that dedication.

That's bad news for both that guy and me

how depressing.
 
Do you really think any "random" person from work has the time or commitment to straighten out your irrational embedded "crooked" thinking?

Be realistic, overcoming SA is a HUGE HUGE task, too big/difficult for any random person to really be of help to us ;)
 

ilmatross

Well-known member
Do you really think any "random" person from work has the time or commitment to straighten out your irrational embedded "crooked" thinking?

Be realistic, overcoming SA is a HUGE HUGE task, too big/difficult for any random person to really be of help to us ;)

I'm not suggesting a random person become my therapist

But a helping hand and a friend who understands isn't too much to ask, or I thought it wasn't.
 
Imagine someone from work coming to you and trying to get to know you on a *very* personal level. Or not even on a personal level - maybe just starting to know you. Wouldn't that just send your anxiety through the roof? (Making the whole "helping hand or friend" situation impossible?).

Sorry, but for people with SA as bad or worse than mine, such a thing is just not possible. Unless the 'helping person' was willing to dedicated tons and tons of hours towards making it happen - which is really unrealistic ;).
 

ilmatross

Well-known member
Someone who reaches out that deeply out of nowhere is obviously a kind/caring person and someone I want to get to know. I'm sure I'd be standoffish until I realize their sincerity but after that yeah I'd love to have a friend like that.

Your anxiety is not the same as mine.
 
^ guess not ;). From what mismeek described, it seems that the guy in question has SA similar to mine, or even worse. Thus why I replied to this from my perspective.
 

ilmatross

Well-known member
I have a similar SA, eye contact problems, nervousness, shakes, im quiet

but when I find people who care or invest time in me i open up and lose my SA completely.
 

lunaticbinge

Well-known member
I have a similar SA, eye contact problems, nervousness, shakes, im quiet

but when I find people who care or invest time in me i open up and lose my SA completely.

Is it possible your confusing SA with everyday shyness? Just asking because I don't know your whole situation.
 
I have a similar SA, eye contact problems, nervousness, shakes, im quiet

but when I find people who care or invest time in me i open up and lose my SA completely.

Good for you :), I wish I could do the same ::(:

Hahaha! EasySkankin you put a winking smiley in every post. No offense but it looks a tad bit smug.;)

Maybe to you, but that's not how I mean it at all. It's meant as a substitute for "right?". It's hard to express oneself through text without being able to use facial expressions or hand gestures :/. I do my best though ;)
 

ilmatross

Well-known member
Is it possible your confusing SA with everyday shyness? Just asking because I don't know your whole situation.

I'm diagnosed with SAD and agoraphobia

its extremely bad, I can't look anyone in the eye. Not even my own mother. I have muscle spasms and shakes in public, panic attacks, etc. I don't answer the door in my own home.

I have one 'key' to unlocking being comfortable with someone, or even being able to look at them. I have to spend a lot of time with them and I have to feel their sincerity that they aren't judging me or that they truly care.

not fun business ::(:
 
Top