waging a war against myself

[skins]

Does anyone else feel this way? I keep getting these messages...my mind wants to self destruct...it keeps telling me to kill myself. I have no intention of doing so...I keep having to fight these urges. Its not easy when your own mind keeps telling you to do it. I'm too weak to do it anyway so I wish it would just stop with this nonsense. It goes strongly against the survival instinct I have, so I just don't get it

 

[LoyalXenite]

I constantly feel like im battling against my inner darkness, i've come to accept that i will always have suicidal thoughts, the difference for me is whether i have them accompanied with the suicidal desire.

 

[Graeme1988]

I constantly feel like im battling against my inner darkness, i've come to accept that i will always have suicidal thoughts, the difference for me is whether i have them accompanied with the suicidal desire.

Aye, that pretty sums me up anaw.

 

[Slytherin88]

Not so much an 'inner darkness', however I often feel out if control of my life to the point of screaming however no one would hear me. I used to have suicidal thoughts, and my curiosity is piqued by the idea of suicide and the state of mind of those who can do it.. And I think it is poetic to be in control of ones own death, so those who are able to commit suicide as not as weak as they think they are..

 

[BlueDays]

Does anyone else feel this way? I keep getting these messages...my mind wants to self destruct...it keeps telling me to kill myself. I have no intention of doing so...I keep having to fight these urges. Its not easy when your own mind keeps telling you to do it. I'm too weak to do it anyway so I wish it would just stop with this nonsense. It goes strongly against the survival instinct I have, so I just don't get it

That is very interesting.
You speak as if your mind is separate from "you". Do you know WHY your mind is telling you to "self destruct"? If you do know why, have you tried using CBT to help you counteract those thoughts?

I have suicidal thoughts daily. I accept that I won't be rid of them until I can change certain parts of my life that are not changeable atm, until then I will have to coexist with them.

 

[skins]

That is very interesting.
You speak as if your mind is separate from "you". Do you know WHY your mind is telling you to "self destruct"? If you do know why, have you tried using CBT to help you counteract those thoughts?

I have suicidal thoughts daily. I accept that I won't be rid of them until I can change certain parts of my life that are not changeable atm, until then I will have to coexist with them.

I think its as you described...certain parts of my life I am frustrated and unhappy with and so a solution keeps popping up in my head, which is to end it....but like someone else replied, I don't have the desire to act on it, so it remains a stale mate. The only reason i have felt separate from my own mind is these thoughts of suicide...as logically I know its an unrealistic option for me, they seem to stem from something other then my own consciousness which sounds weird, but every other thought I have is my own doing and I have complete control over.:idontknow:

With CBT I feel I am much too strong minded for it to have any affect...its like there is a type of person who simply cant be hypnotised, and I am one of those types..my guess is it is the same with CBT, but for those who can be hypnotised, then it might just work.

 

[nodejesque]

Im really sorry you are going through this jamie. And I can definitely relate. I feel this way too... which is why I try to keep evryone at arms length away...

If they're not close to me it wont hurt them or disappoint them too much, if it becomes too much to bear. There's days that are worse... and so far, I can't even say what helps... because im not sure there is something that helps. You just have to talk yourself out of those thoughts.

Sometimes I think that having a partner would help serve as a support system, but at the same time I wouldn't want to make anyone be with me.

Reading really helps me get away from my mind... also listening to beautiful music.. or even going out and taking in your surroundings. It helps remind me that this world is alot bigger than myself, and I have to make what I want of it.

I don't know if this helps, but I hope you begin to feel better. You're a great person... sometimes we forget that aside from all the flaws we see in ourselves, there's a person with his/her virtues and contributions to give.

 

[skins]

Im really sorry you are going through this jamie. And I can definitely relate. I feel this way too... which is why I try to keep evryone at arms length away...

If they're not close to me it wont hurt them or disappoint them too much, if it becomes too much to bear. There's days that are worse... and so far, I can't even say what helps... because im not sure there is something that helps. You just have to talk yourself out of those thoughts.

Sometimes I think that having a partner would help serve as a support system, but at the same time I wouldn't want to make anyone be with me.

Reading really helps me get away from my mind... also listening to beautiful music.. or even going out and taking in your surroundings. It helps remind me that this world is alot bigger than myself, and I have to make what I want of it.

I don't know if this helps, but I hope you begin to feel better. You're a great person... sometimes we forget that aside from all the flaws we see in ourselves, there's a person with his/her virtues and contributions to give.

thanks mari for your reply it helped me feel a lot better..music sure works, so I might just do that right now.

 

[Kiwong]

I get lost in my own thoughts, sometimes I just want to go sleep, and I'm tired of being me.

But even at my lowest point, when I saw no future, I wasn't suicidal. That was when I realised how much I wanted to live, and I started to fight.

I want to live, and right now I am frightened to die, and scared to lose what I have. At last in my life, I've entered a time when I have things to lose.