Trouble asking for help?

[vj288]

Sorry if this thread has been done before, but does anyone else have a difficult time asking for help, or or asking for things in general? I'm not sure if it's pride or not wanting to perceived as silly for not knowing something or how to do something, but something makes it really hard for me. I've always been very self-sufficient, being able to do things and figure things out on my own - even when it would be more productive or efficient to just ask someone. I always try to hide that need to ask, that I'm confused or unsure of something. Anyone else?

 

[NathanielWingateSpaghetti]

Sorry if this thread has been done before, but does anyone else have a difficult time asking for help, or or asking for things in general? I'm not sure if it's pride or not wanting to perceived as silly for not knowing something or how to do something, but something makes it really hard for me. I've always been very self-sufficient, being able to do things and figure things out on my own - even when it would be more productive or efficient to just ask someone. I always try to hide that need to ask, that I'm confused or unsure of something. Anyone else?

yep I just always thought it was an SA thing and being perceived as dumb for not knowing something obvious.

 

[Broken_Memory]

Oh definitely. I find that whenever I DO ask for help my mind freezes and I'm not really sure how to explain what I need help with. And then when the person is explaining to me I find myself feeling stupid and even more lost - and then I feel more lost than I did before only now I'm not the only one who knows it.

And then I just sit there feeling alienated and embarrassed.

(This doesn't happen every time, but I fear it happening at work or somewhere where I'm supposed to be an expert).

 

[coyote]

I have a huge problem with this also, for the exact same reasons

btw - yes there was another thread on this topic that i remember - surprised you, of all people, didn't find it vj288 :]

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

Oh yes. I have great difficulty with this, and I think you are right in that it's to do with not wanting to look like I don't know something, and not wanting to feel dependent on others. Being independent and self-sufficient is extremely important to me, and always has been for some reason. It's as though I see needing any kind of help from other people as a personal weakness.

 

[lurknomore]

This is definitely a problem for me- the trouble is, I'm not self sufficient, and I hate knowing that I need all of this help and I'm too scared to ask for it. So I just stumble on... hoping for a miracle, that all of the answers will just fall into my lap.

 

[Noop]

people won't care, so i just learnt not to ask.

 

[Section_31]

My wife has this problem pretty badly. It took us almost 7 yrs to get the help she needed. exactly the same reasons.

 

[Phoenixx]

I've always had this, even before I had the whole SA thing. I've always been pretty self-sufficient. Basically, I'm afraid that I'd be perceived as dumb for not knowing something when I think I should. I also believe it has to do with my fear of authority. I've always been afraid of people in authority, I really don't know why. That's why at school, I don't normally ask teachers for help when I need it. I normally just take the long and sometimes difficult route to figuring out the problem myself.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

I can be self-sufficient - and self-deficient =) Trouble asking for help yeah.

 

[hoddesdon]

Yes, it is a social phobia thing related to perfectionism. I have always prided myself on standing on my own two feet; the thing is, asking for help when it is reasonable does not mean that you are not standing on your own two feet. If you need help, that is an admission you can not do everything perfectly. Doing absolutely everything absolutely perfectly is not only unnecessary, but impossible. So you are putting yourself in an impossible position.

 

[eek]

I have trouble asking for it but once I get help I tend to take advantage of that fact in a bad way.

 

[GhoulsNightOut]

That's a huge problem for me. I'm always debating whether I should ask for help because I'm afraid it's for something so small and obvious that I'll look stupid. I've been told before that I lack common sense.

 

[Kiwong]

I have made many cries for help. I may have well have been crying wolf.

 

[vj288]

btw - yes there was another thread on this topic that i remember - surprised you, of all people, didn't find it vj288 :]

I know, I was shocked too! The search function was not liking my choice of words it seemed.

 

[coyote]

I know, I was shocked too! The search function was not liking my choice of words it seemed.

yeah, me too, i couldn't find it

but i didn't want to ask for help

 

[Rose_Red]

I find asking for help a huge struggle too.
It's not because it'll make me feel like an idiot, okay maybe a little bit, but it's that
I'm too scared to do it. I suppose that's the SA :/ ...I wouldn't know the difference since I've always had it.
I avoid situations where I would need help, or I do it without getting help, and depending on what it is - I'll stuff it up, sit there and do nothing about it, or try find a way around it, which normally is worse.
Authority scares me, so even asking my own parents for help is a difficult task for me.

I do everything by myself.

I think it's also because I've always been rejected, or humilated.
When I need help, I get told to go away or to ask someone else.
I hate feeling stupid, and that's how I feel all the time.

 

[Psychedelicious]

Help

I definitely have trouble asking for help, or for anything really. I can't ask or tell anyone anything, especially if it's something that bothers me. It's not even that I am afraid of being seen as dumb or anything, I already know I am, but I just don't like asking. I'm just afraid of looking stupid, not being stupid.

 

[sullyS25]

I definitely have trouble asking for help. As I have said before in some threads, I regularly go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings to stay sober and a big part of the steps is getting a sponsor to take you through the twelve steps. Well recently I have been having a lot of cravings and no sponsor to call and talk about it. I think I put off doing it because of pride. I always think I can handle things on my own. I am also a big procrastinator because putting things off is easier and more appealing than doing them and possibly messing them up.

 

[Lostinthemusic]

Oh definitely. I find that whenever I DO ask for help my mind freezes and I'm not really sure how to explain what I need help with. And then when the person is explaining to me I find myself feeling stupid and even more lost - and then I feel more lost than I did before only now I'm not the only one who knows it.

And then I just sit there feeling alienated and embarrassed.

(This doesn't happen every time, but I fear it happening at work or somewhere where I'm supposed to be an expert).

^Yes......