too scared to even go to a meetup for SA/shy people...

[christa]

I'm such a ****ing loser.

I am a member of a group on meetups. I am meant to go to a meetup right now, it was just to go to a movie and have dinner later...but instead I had to call the group leader and pull out because I started to feel sick, scared and started crying over the 'what if's' now I feel even worse that I am missing out. I haven't met these people. They are shy and have SA too but I am still scared.

I am trying to make an effort to get off the computer because I spend too much time online it as it already is but because of bad experiences of joining groups and meeting people I am scared I won't fit in, get picked on, won't connect to people etc etc. I try to be positive and it still doesn't work.

I am in tears and have a headache, i can't ****ing take this anymore. I wish I was dead.

 

[kihira]

You'll be ok, there will be other meetings? We all have days when we cant face the music, so don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe next time you will feel more up to it :]

 

[Patrick26]

You'll be ok, there will be other meetings? We all have days when we cant face the music, so don't be too hard on yourself. Maybe next time you will feel more up to it :]

What this poster said.

You're not a loser, you just have problems you need to work out. But i sure wish there was meetups in Victoria.

 

[Dronee]

** Hugs ** : (

 

[Darryl]

I think just ringing the group leader took a lot of guts.

The inner strength you found to make that call will be the same inner strength that will take you to the next meeting.

I don't know where this is coming from or if it is even going to make sence but...
All you could see was a black cloudy sky but what you missed was a break in the clouds and the ray of sunlight after your phone call...

 

[worrywort]

Christa I know exactly how you feel! try not to let it get you down too much. I've been in your position many times. It's that place when your ambitions run too far ahead of your abilities and you suddenly find yourself in over your head. We all do it sometimes, and at least it shows that you're attempting to challenge yourself. I think, sometimes, if a challenge seems too daunting to us it can be a good thing to know our limitations and to pull out, cause we could risk doing worse damage by going through with it. So I think you should trust your judgement to pull out of this meetup. You know where your limitations are better than anyone else, and maybe next time you could try something a little smaller, and build up.

"if you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down." - Mary Pickford

 

[Arthur_Dent]

My advice would be to try to think in the group as an extension of the forum. Just see all the support you are getting in this thread.

I really envy you. I wish I could go to one of those groups. Actually, I'm going to look around if there are any support groups where I live.

 

[christa]

I ended up leaving the group/deleting my account
then one of the members found two of my blogs and started harassing me online, twice. He has since left me alone.
I have felt stuck and alone ever since and not sure where to go.
I'm such a freak and don't belong anywhere

 

[shybutsexy]

Hey that happened to me too, im a part of shyness group in my area that gets together all the time and i still havent got the balls to show up for one of the meetings yet xD, im just scared because they all know each other for a long time and they are all connected with each other already and im afraid i wont fit in, and that i might not connect with them because...well, why would i? ive never connected with anyone before ;P. So im scared that if i get rejected by the only people in the world thats like me, that would be the end for me, i would get a lot more depressed and suicidal, and i just couldnt take that risk.

 

[dottie]

I ended up leaving the group/deleting my account
then one of the members found two of my blogs and started harassing me online, twice. He has since left me alone.
I have felt stuck and alone ever since and not sure where to go.
I'm such a freak and don't belong anywhere

was he really harrassing you? or was he just urging you to join the group?

 

[Joan6466]

I admire your straightforwardness. When I had SA I was too embarrassed to let anyone know! You're already ahead of where I began, and I no longer have SA. In the beginning everything is such a herculean effort- truly. If you didn't get there, it just means that was too big of a step from where you are now. First of all, honor the thought, "I'm proud of myself- I actually thought of going to that meetup. What will I do differently the next time to get myself there? Shorten the time frame? Practice my small talk- have some responses ready where I feel vulnerable? Know how to do the exit dialogue so I can take a break when I need it? Have a reward (huge) for just the attempt?
I still use these methods when I'm trying to develop a new habit. Keep at it- SA is not a life sentence. Congratulations on your risk taking. Now, try a smaller step. Cheers to you!

 

[Nanita]

I have several times stayed home when I was supposed to go to something, and I feel miserable when I do that. Once I was offered to start in a therapy group for free, and the group had a long waiting list. So the first time I was supposed to go, I got so scared that I didn´t want to go anyway (and of course I wasn´t allowed to come to that group ever again...)

Not belonging anywhere - that´s what I keep feeling. I don´t belong to any place, any group pf people such as family or friends. It´s lonely and I wish I had a better family and a lot of friends. I just don´t!!! I don´t think I ever will.

That guy harrasing you, he is a freak, you´re not.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I ended up leaving the group/deleting my account
then one of the members found two of my blogs and started harassing me online, twice. He has since left me alone.
I have felt stuck and alone ever since and not sure where to go.
I'm such a freak and don't belong anywhere

You're not a freak. It's just that you're not a sheep. You're unique and special. Open yourself up and you might find someone special who is also hurting but is wonderful too.

Their lifestyle doesn't lead to happiness either. Life is a personal journey, so personalize it with what you want and find like minded souls to take the journey with you. To share you laughter, tears, struggles and dreams.

 

[christa]

. Life is a personal journey, so personalize it with what you want and find like minded souls to take the journey with you. To share you laughter, tears, struggles and dreams.

I have tried and tried and tried that, I just end up getting hurt, rejected, teased, dumped all the time, happens all the ****ing time. Not once has it gone right! it just goes to show that there are no right people for me, even other people with SA think I am a freak and a loser.

 

[OceanMist]

I can relate to this thread. It seems there are literally no people out there that want to be friends with me.

I've tried countless times to hang out with groups of people and I never could fit in.

The worst was when I went to an SA group and was labeled the quiet one by the leader of the group. Even when I got sent to the looney bin the leaders there wouldn't shut up about how quiet I am and how I stay by myself so much.

It gets to a point where I felt like I'm just too different for society. So many people don't like me and the ones that do like me they like me from a distance.

I guess in these next 10 years or so, I'll find out if I can actually find friends that I can connect with and trust. We'll see what happens.

 

[BamanPiderman]

Weird how some members of an SA group would actually pick on others for being quiet and insecure. They of all people should understand?

I wouldn't call you a loser. A loser doesn't try, but at least you did. You're very brave for even considering meeting up with a fresh group of people you've never seen before.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Weird how some members of an SA group would actually pick on others for being quiet and insecure. They of all people should understand?

I wouldn't call you a loser. A loser doesn't try, but at least you did. You're very brave for even considering meeting up with a fresh group of people you've never seen before.

There's a few passive aggressive SAs out there! I have no time for people like that.

 

[OceanMist]

People get picked on because even in an SA group because it has people who aren't as shy as others.

The nature law still applies (It's natural for the strong to pick on the weak).

There are different levels of SA. Just because someone joins an SA group, doesn't mean they are extremely shy. I found that many people there were socially competent and quite normal.

I found it shocking that I was the quietest one in the SA group. It was a wake up call to how much different I am than society as a whole. I must be in the .1% or whatever it is of the shyness category, the super shy people.

 

[IntheLabyrinth]

Maybe you can ask the group leader who the ones with the most anxiety are so you can relate better and then do a smaller meet up with them if they are interested. This is something I just thought of that I may try myself. If I get the courage to do it,
I will let you know how it goes. It's been 4 years since I joined the SA meetup in San Diego, but I have still not attended a single event. Going to the movies is the only one that has sounded remotely doable since I don't imagine there is too much talking involved. The beach, clubs, and other really crowded and live places are out the f@#$ing question. Doesn't help that I have a shy bladder too. I just look up there future meet ups every couple of weeks, and pretend how fun it would be if I wasn't so chicken ****. I agree with a previous post that said that some of them aren't really all that shy, which I have assumed due to some of their outgoing sounding messages.

 

[OceanMist]

Doesn't help that I have a shy bladder too. .

I'm right there with you buddy. My whole life I've had a shy bladder. I've gotten better at going in public places, but definitely still have my troubles, it really depends on how it's set up. I have the most trouble when there are open urinals with nothing blocking the vision of the guy next me.

Last time I tried to go at a NBA basketball game there were open urinals and I couldn't go. I had to leave and then go to a different bathroom that was less busy.

It's gotten to the point where I will go in the wheelchair stall if it's open. My argument is I have a giant disability (bladder shy).

I used to feel guilty about using stalls but after failing to go in front of a urinal so many times and suffering the pain of having to hold it for so long if I get a chance at a stall I will take it a lot of the time.

It really is a disability, the bladder shyness. I wonder if the main reason I have it is because I have a small penis, and that's not a joke.