Too Anxious to have Sex?

[jamsambo]

Anyone ever get too anxious to have sex?

I'm a guy, I have SA and I'm only 21 so I know it's nothing physical that's wrong with me.

Sometimes when I'm having sex with my girlfriend I just can't keep it up. It used to be worse, 'cause before I wouldn't be able to get it up for sex full stop. With any other sexual activity there has never been a problem tho. I also find that I can come too fast when we do have sex a lot of the time then as well.

I hope people don't mind me posting this in the SA forum, but since I have SA I thought there might be a connection between our anxiety and this problem.

I suppose I'd like to hear from other guys, but if any girls have had simialr trouble or even if their boyfriends have had similar trouble I'd appreciate any comments. Thanks

 

[Marlene]

I think i does not matter if you are girl or men, if you are anxius and
have Sf it´s going to make problems. i think that the best way is to tell
your girlfrend. if my boyfrend sad me that, i would have no problem with it, simmilar if he cannot keep his erection or has some other problems.
that`s all normal in sex, we are not robots!!!!!!!!! just be sincere!!!!
best of luck!!!!

 

[jamsambo]

Hey Marlene

Thanks for the reply, yea she's pretty understanding about it so it's not like a major deal and 'cause she has been so understanding it's gotten a lot better over the last couple of months.

Your right we're not robots and I think this is definitely connected to having SA.

 

[rado31]

Last time i had sex, i lost 7-8 kilos in one week. I was asked why m i sweathing so much. I really dont know how to explain, and i dont think that any girl has understanding for such weakness as it SP+HH is.
Thatswhy i dont have girlfriend.

 

[jamsambo]

Thanks rado31

I think there's bound to be a girl out there who understands about your SA and HH, I found one and she's pretty cool about my SA and sex performance issues.

Did you ever have any problems when it comes to keeping it up in the bedroom?

 

[jamsambo]

Hey Scyth

Very funny reply, I could definitely see myself as a porn star some day as well!

Yea that's pretty much how I get when we're having sex some of the time. If I get it into my head that she's not enjoying it then I can't think of anything else.

It's really off-putting when it happens and then I just can't stay aroused. It's totally performance anxiety when it comes to having sex and it's certainly not helped by SA.

Cheers

 

[rado31]

I missed a numerous of chanches due to sp. And every time i ..score..
it is with the girl that is uglier than me. And because she insisted.
That is leaving me forever in INFERIOR state.
I was banging my hands against the wall with various moral dilemas.

Anyway i was always looking for love not only sex.

I worry to much. Glad guys that you are somehow making. It is incredible though, maybe your Sp isnt so severe as the others.
Putin the condom with shaky hands is art Lol

 

[jamsambo]

Hey Rado31

I don't think it's just that my SA isn't that bad since I'm in a position to find a girlfriend and sex for that matter, it's just that I've come a long way since I've started trying to overcome my SA at 17 (21 now) and that my SA affects me in different ways than it used to.

One way that it doesn't affect me too much anymore is when it comes to relationships and finding a girl but as I've said I've had a bit of trouble sexwise, which I think has to be related to my SA.

Thanks for the reply!!

ps. I can empathise with the unattractive girls thing, I remember being that way when I was in my early teens. I would go for unattractive girls out of some kind of guilt and I would think that if I was to go for an attractive girl, that I was being shallow and not in it for love. That type of thing is definitely just part of SA. It's important in a relationship that you find your partner attractive and that your personalities match. Good luck!

 

[Moonie]

Well I could relate in the sense that I have some "sex" anxiety -- but I am female. The one thing that I really have problems with is giving "oral pleasure." I can only muster up the courage when I have been drinking. I have performance anxiety in that area I suppose. I also don't feel comfortable being naked because of my low self-esteem.

 

[jamsambo]

Hey Moonie thanks for thr reply

Yea I can imagine it's pretty much the same type of anxiety for girls too, it just happens that it's more noticeable in guys,unfortunately!

I have to admit that I think my girlfriend has a good bit of performance anxiety when it comes to sex as well, and definitely oral sex. I think she's pretty conscious of her body too but nothing inhibiting.

Cheers!

 

[jamsambo]

Actually just to add on to what I said to Moonie about my girlfriend. She doesn't like it when I give her oral sex, not my technique, she just doesn't like me being down there.

When we do have sex (and I perform) she doesn't get much enjoyment from it and it's not from lack of trying different techniques.

I've often wondered if these two things could be because she is somewhat holding back and could possibly have a touch of performance anxiety herself?

 

[Katjelique]

I have the same problem with recieving oral sex, I can't seem to lie back, relax, and enjoy it; which is sad cause my bf really enjoys it and I don't want to waste this gift!

 

[Moonie]

Jamsambo, I can totally relate to your GF. I also find the idea of oral sex a bit uncomfortable. I've never actually received it when sober, only when I have been drinking. I can't pinpoint exactly why.. But I have a few guesses. 1) It does seem a little weird having someone so close to that area 2) I find it a little hard to show my reactions to it.

So even though you GF might seem "bored", she probably is not. Maybe she's just a little shy about letting it show (verbalizing her feelings, her wants, etc.) I know I do, but I enjoy sex quite a bit.

 

[jamsambo]

Thanks for the replies Katjelique and Moonie

Yea that's the thing I enjoy giving oral sex a lot as well, but I'm convinced that she doesn't enjoy it because she's a bit anxious about me being down there.

In my case if I'm too anxious to have sex it's really obvious but when it comes to my g/f it's a bit more concealed. I think we should talk about it actually.

Here's a question you may be able to answer for me.

My g/f doesn't feel much sensation when we have sex. We've tried it plenty of techniques but anything beyond masturbation, she doesn't feel much from. Would you say it could be physical, a need to try a different technique or could it even be that she's feeling anxious?

Your help would be great in this, there's nobody else I can really ask.

Thanks a lot!!

 

[Katjelique]

Vibrators work wonders. My boyfriend and I employ sex toys quiet often. A drawback to this it that she has to be open about herself and laugh about it, most people find the idea of sex aids embrassing. What you could do is while in bed, like right before sleep, have a 'what if/would you/have you...' converstations. Do this regularly and create a 'sexual dialouge' between the two of you, it will help her relax and open her up, which may help if it is an emotionally blockage preventing pleasure or allow her to be open to the idea that not all woman get off the same way. Most woman need external stimulation, intercourse does not directly stimulate us for the most part.

 

[Foxglove]

My husband and I have been together for 13 years, and I still sometimes feel anxious and embarrassed and like we're strangers. Most of the time I can't relax, I always worry that I look fat or that my performance isn't up to par with the standard male fantasies. It sounds terrible, but I could live like a nun, no problem. It's just not worth it.