They want me back in the group, but I don't know if I can

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#1
I was a part of an online group who became really close. Then we started meeting every summer. We all get along good, but my best friend was a part of the group too and she and I had a fight. I had a nervous breakdown. My social anxiety had been growing for some time but this was the straw that broke the camels back. I didn't speak to any of them for months, and just finally saw my best friend for the first time in ages about a month ago. This summer will mark the 2 year mark since the incident.
I just saw a post on Facebook about the get together this summer and I was tagged in the post. I haven't been participating in the online group or in regular contact with anyone (although they have invited me back before and I have talked to some of them individually on facebook.) Truth is, I don't think I could possibly handle it. I don't know. And there is one girl (my best friend's sister, also in the group) that unfriended me on facebook letting me know that she wasn't going to carry on a sham of a friendship with me (because I wasn't able to talk to anyone.) I am dead set against ever talking to her again because she made so many assumptions and really went out of her way to hurt me when I was down. (I may be a snob but I hold people to high standards.)
Not sure what to do. Do I respond to the tag with a like, or message the girl and say maybe? Do I tell her what I have been going through, or do I ignore it? I guess I don't know what to say. Is hiding the rest of my life really what I should do even if it is easiest? I am frustrated, but terrified. If I have let it go this long, will I ever recover?
 
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MikeyC

Well-known member
#2
With all the tension you have with that sister and your ex-best friend, going to this thing might be uncomfortable for you.

I think maybe telling the organiser why you're not attending might be a good idea, but of course you risk never being invited again. Then again do you want to be invited? It's hard for me to infer.

You will decide what's best for you in this regard, so just have a think and you'll come to the right conclusion. :)
 
#3
Not sure what to do. Do I respond to the tag with a like, or message the girl and say maybe? Do I tell her what I have been going through, or do I ignore it? I guess I don't know what to say. Is hiding the rest of my life really what I should do even if it is easiest? I am frustrated, but terrified. If I have let it go this long, will I ever recover?
I don't see how you owe them anything. Talk to whom it feels right to talk to, and do so when you're up to it. Maybe when you have your poop more together about this stuff. You do seem to be working on it.

Don't let a sense of guilt rush you into having talks or trying to explain things that you probably haven't fully wrapped your own head around yet, I say.
 
#4
You're not at all obligated to do things you're uncomfortable with. Do they know about your difficulties with this? Because this could be as easy as simply communicating your feelings to who it concerns.

Meet-ups like this are supposed to be fun, and if you'd be unable to have fun because you're trying to prove a point to a few sticks in the mud, would it still be worth it? In any other case I would recommend that you'd try to go anyway, but since you're expressing extreme discomfort towards this, you may want to consider sitting this one out.

Maybe try to get the communication going again, and try to see if you can prepare yourself for next year? After all, you've only failed when you stop trying. There will be next meet-ups.
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#5
Thanks you guys. You can't even imagine how grateful I am to hear actual GOOD advice, and it's because you have been there. No one else has been there, they seem to think the only way is to fully immerse yourself up to your nose to the point of drowning to desensitize yourself. I personally have experienced trauma from forcing these things, and it only makes me avoid more adamantly in the future.
Yes, you are right, I only feel obligated, I don't desire to go. I do worry about burning bridges (who knows what I might want in the future) but as it stands today, I really could care less about hanging out with these people. I enjoy a chat with them now and then on facebook, and that is all I am comfortable with.
Not sure how I will go about explaining this, or if I'll even acknowledge it, probably best to think on it awhile.
I can't thank you enough for your thoughts!:bowing:
 
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