The Ultimate act of avoidance.

[vj288]

Avoidance never actually fixes anything, it just puts things on hold in hope they work themselves out. The more devoted to avoidance one is, the more they're willing to give up. The more selfish they're willing to be, the more cowardly they're willing to act. And in this game of weights and balances, there's always one thing that allows escape from any situation. Anyone who continues to follow the path of avoidance will inevitably reach this point at the end, either literally or figuratively. Something to think about this every time you want to avoid, this where the path leads, so you better get off before it's too late.


Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes of men. Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or weak; and at last some crisis shows what we have become. - Brooke Foss Westcott

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

This makes sense, everything, but especially the part about how much we are willing to give up to be in our comfortable cages. It is a hate/love relationship, this cage. I call my room my cage, ha. But how...how do we go about escaping? I always get stuck on that question.

 

[DeadmanWalking]

This makes sense, everything, but especially the part about how much we are willing to give up to be in our comfortable cages. It is a hate/love relationship, this cage. I call my room my cage, ha. But how...how do we go about escaping? I always get stuck on that question.

There's no lock on that cage; you can leave at any time. All it takes is just your will to leave; step outside, even if you don't want to, even if you're afraid.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

There's no lock on that cage; you can leave at any time. All it takes is just your will to leave; step outside, even if you don't want to, even if you're afraid.

You are right. Yesterday I did step out, and it was okay. I didn't melt or anything. It sometimes just seems like I am so behind, you know? Like there are so many many things that are wrong in my life that sometimes I don't even know where to begin, so I don't. And I am scared of trying and failing...

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

This thread reminds me of these lyrics:

"And when you want to live
How do you start?
Where do you go?
Who do you need to know?"

 

[DeadmanWalking]

You are right. Yesterday I did step out, and it was okay. I didn't melt or anything. It sometimes just seems like I am so behind, you know? Like there are so many many things that are wrong in my life that sometimes I don't even know where to begin, so I don't. And I am scared of trying and failing...

Don't be afraid of failure; you learn more through failure than you do through success. You have all of the time in the world, so get out there and go get caught up with what you've missed out on.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Don't be afraid of failure; you learn more through failure than you do through success. You have all of the time in the world, so get out there and go get caught up with what you've missed out on.

They do say that, don't they? I could continue to go on like this, just floating, wasting time thinking about all that lost time. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results they also say. And that is me, over and over, driving myself mad. I appreciate your words of encouragement. They really do mean a lot to me.

 

[kihira]

Avoidance never actually fixes anything, it just puts things on hold in hope they work themselves out. The more devoted to avoidance one is, the more they're willing to give up. The more selfish they're willing to be, the more cowardly they're willing to act. And in this game of weights and balances, there's always one thing that allows escape from any situation. Anyone who continues to follow the path of avoidance will inevitably reach this point at the end, either literally or figuratively. Something to think about this every time you want to avoid, this where the path leads, so you better get off before it's too late.


Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes of men. Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or weak; and at last some crisis shows what we have become. - Brooke Foss Westcott

We avoid out of fear. When we avoid the avoidance and actually face the fear, most often there is nothing much to fear at all. Avoiding grows the fear in our mind, facing fears shrinks it back to a realistic size.

 

[da_illest101]

well when I avoid people that I don't want to talk it sure helps me a lot, other then that yea it's just delays problems

 

[SeniorRedrings]

There is nothing wrong with being selfish and cowardly.I am,and it works out just fine for me.
My life of avoiding every major problem or conflict will be no less a life lived when all is said and done.
I simply won't be remembered for my actions 100 years from now.
That is my justification.

 

[coyote]

There is nothing wrong with being selfish and cowardly.I am,and it works out just fine for me.
My life of avoiding every major problem or conflict will be no less a life lived when all is said and done.
I simply won't be remembered for my actions 100 years from now.
That is my justification.

indeed - we obviously derive some benefit from our actions (or inaction) or we wouldn't keep doing the same thing all the time

but much to my dismay, i feel my life shrinking and shrinking, growing smaller all the time

i'm not satisfied with that, but i'm having a hard time breaking my bad habits

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin

 

[vj288]

We avoid out of fear. When we avoid the avoidance and actually face the fear, most often there is nothing much to fear at all. Avoiding grows the fear in our mind, facing fears shrinks it back to a realistic size.

Yes this sounds right, but I don't like the concept "avoiding the avoidance." It's a double negative, and does not actually result in any avoidance at all.



When I say avoidance I do mean the avoidance of our fears, the things we do not want to face. And my point is that the acts of avoidance built up, and get more extreme every time you do not face them. Eventually it gets to the point where you're willing to do things you'd never even consider before to escape. At the end of this road of avoidance there's a "get out of any situation free card." in which avoidance takes precedent over all other things. The end of the road.

 

[coyote]

i find that my immunity to bad consequences also continues to increase

what i once may have considered as unacceptable results of my avoidance, i now find perfectly tolerable

it's like slowly sinking to the bottom of the sea while gradually getting used to the water in your lungs

i fear that i'm growing gills and might never come back up

 

[Luka]

I'm scared of failure too. That's why I alway have my signature: so I can read it everytime I write a post.

 

[vj288]

i find that my immunity to bad consequences also continues to increase

what i once may have considered as unacceptable results of my avoidance, i now find perfectly tolerable

it's like slowly sinking to the bottom of the sea while gradually getting used to the water in your lungs

i fear that i'm growing gills and might never come back up

Yes, I find this to be very much true. Not all bad consequences, but certainly the ones that are the result of avoidance. It's like many things in that the more you do it, the more you are able to tolerate. Letting that tolerance get to high is a scary, and sometimes deadly, thing to do.

 

[awkwardamanda]

To make a real long story short, I've been putting off going to the eye doctor for ages. I badly need an eye exam and I absolutely dread phoning to make an appointment. I dread going for reasons beyond just making the phone call, actually. Trouble is, every time I've managed to call to make an appointment, I've gotten bullsh#t like, "Oh, the doctor moved. Call this number," or, "Call his nurse next week. She's away right now." Fuuuuu-!!!!!! >:[ As if it's not bad enough but I have to deal with crap luck like that. And then I end up rolling on the floor crying and putting it off for ages again instead just calling back as soon as I can. Just the fact that I haven't been in so long makes it that much more difficult because I don't want to be scolded for it. I fear that if I let this go on long enough, I'll end up with permanent eye damage. The more you avoid, the harder it gets not to.:: I really should phone tomorrow. I have a day off work and I think I'm gonna be home alone during the afternoon. It's gonna be hell though.

 

[coyote]

Yes, I find this to be very much true. Not all bad consequences, but certainly the ones that are the result of avoidance. It's like many things in that the more you do it, the more you are able to tolerate. Letting that tolerance get to high is a scary, and sometimes deadly, thing to do.

yes, but it goes to prove that as bad as we think things are, they're never really THAT bad

sure, there's a little discomfort, maybe even embarrassment

but those things can be recovered from - they won't kill you

there's really no reason to consider "the ultimate act"

we'll all die eventually in the end

there's no reason to hurry the process

 

[vj288]

yes, but it goes to prove that as bad as we think things are, they're never really THAT bad

sure, there's a little discomfort, maybe even embarrassment

but those things can be recovered from - they won't kill you

there's really no reason to consider "the ultimate act"

we'll all die eventually in the end

there's no reason to hurry the process

I want to disagree, but I think it is just because I am an argumentative person and not because I disagree. All I was saying is that if avoidance is a road, this is where it eventually leads. No good reason to get to the final stop, there are plenty of places to turn off before that.

Just one side note though, how "bad" it is can be relative to the person. Sure there's like the "raw" event and how bad it is universally, but in the same way you can build tolerance for the negative outcomes of avoidance, you can lose your tolerance for the discomfort, embarrassment, ect.. of the events themselves. Someone who lives in a germ free bubble their whole life will be the most susceptible to disease if he ever leaves.

 

[Earthandsea]

When you father is in hospital fighting for his life and you are preoccupied with your own discomfort and fear of the situation seeking shelter in the well trodden paths of avoidance you face the stark reality of complete failure through willfull cowardise..

And self absorption.

 

[Flowers-Of-Bloom]

I was supposed to go to the doctor today; I didn't. I hate sitting in the waiting room surrounded by people I don't know. Avoiding the whole situation seemed like a good solution at the time, but avoidance isn't really a solution at all. Infact it becomes a problem of its own over time. All the consequences start piling up and now I can't stop avoiding things.