Suicide

[rainrainwash3]

I've had severe HH in my hands and feet for over 20 years now, and it never goes away. I've tried everything except surgery, and nothing works. Too many times I've read stories of this or that working for someone else, so I try it and it does nothing. Botox, iontophoresis, drugs, antipersperants, herbal remedies, diet changes, mind alteration, exercise, etc. Dermatologists, psychiatrists, endocrinologists, general practitioners, phsychologists, neurologists, NOTHING works!

At this age of 30, I have become a reclusive hermit. I don't go out, I don't interact with people, I don't have a job, and I live alone. Everyday I feel as though I've been punished for something, not knowing what. The only thing I look forward to is sleep, in which I can escape my waking life for a time. I live more in my dreams than I do when I'm awake.

I just want the suffering alone in the dark to end. I don't live, I only exist. This condition has created severe mental issues for me.

It's like I'm always treading water, literally. Like I swim through existence and witness life around me, yet I'm not "within" that world. I feel forever separated from it, always wondering of better worlds beyond this one. In a way I live to dream.

I say these things on here because I have no one to confide in. Years ago it was only hyperhidrosis that affected me, but now its severe depression and suicidal ideation.

I know I'll hear the terms "man up" or don't be a wuss, but this condition has also allowed me to be an observer on the outside looking in. Seeing the material world as a prison in which all of our actions are designed to avoid death or be distracted from it.

We eat so we don't die, we drink water so we don't die, we go to work so that we can have a roof over our head so that we don't die! All the "beautiful" things in life are a distraction from this fact. And all I see when I wake up is darkness. Even the sunny days or looking into the eyes of a pretty girl is DARKNESS.

Sorry if this is heavy, but the deeper into the ocean you go, the less light penetrates it. I wonder if some suicides are due to HH and the resulting mental illness is causes.

 

[mismeek]

I'm sorry youre feeling this way, you should really seek help for your depression. As for the HH I can't imagine how uncomfortable it must be, but have a friend who has it, and she just works with it. She carries tissues or a handkerchief in her pocket or purse and wears breathable shoes and usually no socks (says it makes the sweating worse or something).

 

[Sprawling]

Not to be rude, but you need professional help, beyond what we can offer you here. Please seek the help you need. Suicidal thoughts go way beyond HH.

 

[Jezza]

"It's like I'm always treading water, literally"

I think as long as your capable of this kind of sweet dark humor there's still hope for you.

I guess it's hard to react to this kind of thing but just from my personal point of view I wouldn't do it. I'm three years younger than you but I just couldn't take my chance away that a treatment comes along the day after, 5 years after, 10 years after...screw it, even when I'm 50.

Besides that there's not much to say I think. But as your posting here you're reaching out to people to maybe get your mind off of it...I think like Sprawling said it's better to do that whithin your 'real life' (as in, someone you either know or your GP who may put you in contact with someone).

 

[wannabedry]

Hey man, sorry to hear about your HH and depression! im right there with you. i also have severe HH and i went and got the ETS surgery 11 years ago so now i have worse HH (compensatory, full body sweating,worse than before!!) so i know how u feel, ive also spent a lot of time thinking about suicide. on and off for years and years actually. But Im 40 now and I still haven't decided to end it, im hanging in there while they find a damn cure! things are coming up frequently nowadays such as Miradry which can zap away the underarm sweatglands with electromagnetic energy, and studies on using high powered ultrasound, etc etc, hang in there and stick it out a while, somethings gonna give soon!! I know the hands are a pain big time when they drip all over I've been there believe me...the cure is coming soon.. you're still young! Im pretty sure that by the time you are 35 there will be a cure. we all need to spread the word and try to make people more aware of hyperhidrosis. I plan to start my own blog telling my story soon, to try to raise awareness. And I did get treatment in the past for my depression and it helped for a while, but after taking time off of the meds and restarting I realized that the meds make you sweat even more so its counterproductive for us HH sufferers!! Good luck. ps have you already done ionto for your hands and feet? many say it works..

 

[HHDisturbed]

Sure...but how is your frenulum? I still think the secret to curing HH is located somewhere in Sacajawea's Jawea Sack.

But I am with Sprawling on this. HH sucks but is not worth throwing in the towel for. On the contrary, you will likely be needing that towel.

 

[Knickerless]

Maybe go and see your Dr, you sound pretty down and if you speak openly and honestly I am sure they will find a way to help regardless of what you may have tried before.

What ever you do, do not cut your hands and feet off. I did that and I look ridiculous.

 

[JR25]

rainrainwash3, I know you might not want to hear this at the moment, but just try to hold on and keep going mate. I'm sure there are many people (myself included) who can totally relate to what you are going through. HH is a horrible, horrible condition (and one very much underrated IMO in terms of the devastating effect it can have on peoples' lives). In England though I've seen improvements in some ways with the NHS in recent years (e.g. new centres being built all the time) so hopefully, slowly but surely, support will get better.
And I have to say, my advice would be to never, ever resort to surgery for this problem. I had terribly sweaty hands and feet for many years as a kid. In desperation (and with some seriously bad practice by the NHS) I had five operations in the space of two years. Sure they've got my hands and feet dry, but the side-effects are absolutely awful. I can see now that I was 100x happier back then, and feel like I'd do anything to get the old me back. Therefore, while I appreciate the surgery may seem tempting, I would strongly advice staying well clear of it (from someone who has to go through hell with the side-effects, especially in this uncharacteristically hot British weather right now!), and just keep plugging away with other treatments and doing your research.
Just hold tight buddy, suicide is never the answer.

 

[neardeath]

Everyday I feel as though I've been punished for something, not knowing what. The only thing I look forward to is sleep, in which I can escape my waking life for a time. I live more in my dreams than I do when I'm awake.

I just want the suffering alone in the dark to end. I don't live, I only exist. This condition has created severe mental issues for me.

It's like I'm always treading water, literally. Like I swim through existence and witness life around me, yet I'm not "within" that world. I feel forever separated from it, always wondering of better worlds beyond this one. In a way I live to dream.

You're not alone, rain.

 

[scruffpot]

To rainrainwash3 I have sent you a private message. If I can be any help please let me know.

 

[Justtonya7340]

i think about killing myself all the time. Just havent found the way to do it. I want pain free. I have tried overdosing on pills but I always come out of it the next day. I don't want to cut myself cause that causes pain. I don't own a gun so I can't do that. So it's find something that doesn't cause pain that will do the job.

I am a mom that lost her kids due to drinking and can't get them back. No matter how much money I have I can't have them back. I hate that my kids live with someone else and I have to pay child support.

I just want to end it all. And when I find that perfect way I will get drunk and seek new ways.

 

[Knickerless]

i think about killing myself all the time. Just havent found the way to do it. I want pain free. I have tried overdosing on pills but I always come out of it the next day. I don't want to cut myself cause that causes pain. I don't own a gun so I can't do that. So it's find something that doesn't cause pain that will do the job.

I am a mom that lost her kids due to drinking and can't get them back. No matter how much money I have I can't have them back. I hate that my kids live with someone else and I have to pay child support.

I just want to end it all. And when I find that perfect way I will get drunk and seek new ways.

Hi Justtonya,

Nice to meet you and sorry to hear of your pain and sadness.

I think there are probably more affective pills to use than Glyco/robinol which is the main pill of choice here. You would have to take an awful lot for it to kill you and it would be a very very dry, blurry death.

Far be it for me to judge but have you thought about speaking to some one about your drinking and depression rather than posting your suicidal fantasies in a hyperhydrosis forum?

 

[PrincessKitty]

Awwhh sorry sweety you have to go through this all this pain. I mean sometimes I want to kill myself sometimes too. I think you need to seek out some professional help here honey. Because of your depression you can't face this alone.

 

[Shrimp]

Suicide is not an option, believe me when I tell you things will get better eventually.

Try this:
1. Get a hobby.
Because you overthink everything, you allow your negative thoughts to control your every move.
You need to get a hobby, atleast do something that makes you happy.
2. Push that hobby through.
See it to the end, trust me there is nothing better than the statisfaction of making progress doing the things you love doing best.
3. Learn to be positive
Eliminate bad thoughts, whenever you feel one rise up you stop yourself right there and you think of a positive aspect of what you just thought.
4. If you're beyond this, see a shrink and make sure he gets you a good medication.
5. If you're beyond a shrink, go to a mental hospital.
I've been there for a while, and believe me when I say I never met so many kind and honest people in one place before.


If you think of killing yourself, read what I have written on sticky paper to remind myself I matter:
1. You will greatly hurt your parents, they will be scarred for life.
2. You will never meet that cute girl/boy in the future.
3. You will never know what it feels like to hold your own child.
4. You will never feel the statisfaction of overcoming your problems
5. You will never meet new friends ready to take you on new adventures
6. You will never see what your mind and body are capable of
7. You will never find out if I'm right
8. Suicide is very painfull
9. Suicide fails quite often
10. People will have to clean up your mess, how would they feel?
11. Your parents will have to identify your death body
12. Your parents will have to burry you
13. Being depressed and having nothing to lose means you can do anything you want, if you want to travel the world with nothing but a backpack you're free to go.
You are god of your own life right now, there are no limitations.


I've been a shut-in NEET for most of my teenage years (20 now) and even though I have no friends, no girlfriend anymore, have been battling suicidal thoughts for 3 years now, been to a mental hospital and been on Prozac for quite a while (Not anymore though) I never gave up.
When life gets harder that means they dont want you to win, which means you're on the right path.
Keep going OP, you're not ready to die yet.

 

[neardeath]

Suicide is not an option, believe me when I tell you things will get better eventually.

Try this:
1. Get a hobby.
Because you overthink everything, you allow your negative thoughts to control your every move.
You need to get a hobby, atleast do something that makes you happy.
2. Push that hobby through.
See it to the end, trust me there is nothing better than the statisfaction of making progress doing the things you love doing best.
3. Learn to be positive
Eliminate bad thoughts, whenever you feel one rise up you stop yourself right there and you think of a positive aspect of what you just thought.
4. If you're beyond this, see a shrink and make sure he gets you a good medication.
5. If you're beyond a shrink, go to a mental hospital.
I've been there for a while, and believe me when I say I never met so many kind and honest people in one place before.


If you think of killing yourself, read what I have written on sticky paper to remind myself I matter:
1. You will greatly hurt your parents, they will be scarred for life.
2. You will never meet that cute girl/boy in the future.
3. You will never know what it feels like to hold your own child.
4. You will never feel the statisfaction of overcoming your problems
5. You will never meet new friends ready to take you on new adventures
6. You will never see what your mind and body are capable of
7. You will never find out if I'm right
8. Suicide is very painfull
9. Suicide fails quite often
10. People will have to clean up your mess, how would they feel?
11. Your parents will have to identify your death body
12. Your parents will have to burry you
13. Being depressed and having nothing to lose means you can do anything you want, if you want to travel the world with nothing but a backpack you're free to go.
You are god of your own life right now, there are no limitations.


I've been a shut-in NEET for most of my teenage years (20 now) and even though I have no friends, no girlfriend anymore, have been battling suicidal thoughts for 3 years now, been to a mental hospital and been on Prozac for quite a while (Not anymore though) I never gave up.
When life gets harder that means they dont want you to win, which means you're on the right path.
Keep going OP, you're not ready to die yet.

Thank you for this post.

 

[Shrimp]

You're welcome, remember that you're not alone out there.
Things WILL get better.

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

 

[Sprawling]

Why are the suicidal people writing in the Hyperhidrosis Forum? Not to be mean, but we do have our own sweaty issues at play here.

 

[theslowesthand]

I think most of us on this site have long-standing issues which will likely never go away. And whatever we try nothing ever works. I certainly can relate. So, "acceptance" of my various (constant) inadequacies, issues, malfunctions, frustrations, futilities, discomforts, irritations, ... is where im at nowadays.

I have become a reclusive hermit. I don't go out, I don't interact with people, I don't have a job, and I live alone

Same here.

The only thing I look forward to is sleep, in which I can escape my waking life for a time. I live more in my dreams than I do when I'm awake.

I just want the suffering alone in the dark to end. I don't live, I only exist. This condition has created severe mental issues for me.

It's like I'm always treading water, literally. Like I swim through existence and witness life around me, yet I'm not "within" that world. I feel forever separated from it, always wondering of better worlds beyond this one. In a way I live to dream.

I know I'll hear the terms "man up" or don't be a wuss, but this condition has also allowed me to be an observer on the outside looking in. Seeing the material world as a prison in which all of our actions are designed to avoid death or be distracted from it

Perhaps the "real world" (or material world) is indeed that for most people, a way to ESCAPE the TRUE realities of life??? Perhaps (in certains ways, not all) you are more "in tune" with the real "reality" that our consciousness (not physical body) exists within???.

And all I see when I wake up is darkness

I think that may be the effect of the depression, more than the actual reality of life (?)

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

Why are the suicidal people writing in the Hyperhidrosis Forum? Not to be mean, but we do have our own sweaty issues at play here.

New HH threads appear at the top of the main page, so people click on them. I don't think most people look at the top of the screen to see which forum they're posted in. Only way I could think to stop that is to for the webmaster to rearrange things so this doesn't happen.

 

[koolkat1026]

I also think about ending it all not just because of hyperhidrosis but other things I have no friends but I do have my mom and my dog and my cats i just wish i could find a way so that i know i would actually die in my sleep but for now ill just keep wishing for sunless days so everyday people wont ask me why are you wearing a sweater?