starting an experiment

chibiXphantom

Well-known member
I've decided, with the help of a dear friend, to do an experiment. I'm going to attempt to alter my personality and get as close as I can to the ideal version of myself.

First step was determining exactly who I want to be, what personality type and characteristics I want. To make that a bit easier, I took personality tests and answered them the way my ideal self would, as well as just fantasizing about it. Many of your are probably familiar with they Myers Briggs 16 personality types (if not, here's the link: Free Personality Test | 16Personalities.) I'd say my ideal lies between the INTJ and the ISFP, as I think a balance between those traits is best. Be imaginative and intuitive, but also practical and grounded. Rely on both logic and emotion, it doesn't have to be just one or the other. I'd say the best decisions rely on both. Be organized and structured, but be flexible to change.

My ideal self would be organized and calm, but willing to just go with the flow if that's what works best. I'd be independent and keep to myself, as I don't have the desire to be an extrovert and around people all the time. However, I want to be unafraid to step up and be the center of attention or voice my opinions if I chose to do so. I would be quiet, but not out of fear. I would think on the positive side and try to make the best of situations. I want to be feeling and emotional, but not be ruled by those emotions, being able to step back and look at things logically, separate from emotional ties.

To change my personality, I'm going to study and learn about controlling emotions, learn about how to be confident and social, learn communication skills and behaviors. I'm going to force out negative thoughts the moment they enter my mind. I will wake up each morning and face it as a new day, leaving the past in the past where it belongs. I will shut out the doubts I have and the thoughts that I have that say I cannot change, because I can change. I need to change, because if I don't, I'm not sure I'd have the will to live any longer. This challenge, this experiment is now my reason for living.

I have set goals, and will continue to make goals. Not just dreams in my mind of things I wish to do. These are actual planned out goals with dates on a timeline. They're on the calendar, and I will try my best to make them happen.

Now my goal isn't to get married, have kids, and live a long healthy life and retire comfortably until I die of old age... I honestly don't care if I don't live past 30. What drives me is creativity, new experiences, and an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and understanding. I want to travel, life life and enjoy it without constant fears and worrying, no matter how long I have left to live it.

So far in the past few days I've managed to stay quite positive and content, mood wise. I'd been very depressed, lonely, and miserable until I decided not to be. So off to a good start?

I also plan to see my favorite band next week, whether I someone will go with me or not. That'll be one check off the goal list.

This should be a fun challenge.
 
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