Something interesting to think about o_O

[EasySkanking]

Just a little realization/thought that I have bumped into recently and has helped greatly with social anxiety -

We are afraid of making a fool out of ourselves (in front of other people), correct?

Well, when we let the effects of social anxiety (sweating/blushing/shaking/quietness) control us, we achieve this exact fear, because by trembling, sweating, mumbling and not looking into people's eyes (all very abnormal behaviors) we look exactly like fools! Don't we?

On the contrary, if we had not let social anxiety take control to direct how we live our life, and had just been ourselves, you would be presently surprised to see that people do not see your true-self as someone who is foolish at all. This is something that I have learned from my excursion "out in life" - that people respect and like other people that are just themselves. So, something that I have discovered is that by being yourself, you stop yourself from making a fool of yourself. "Weird", isn't it? But very true!!! Try it...

Let me know how it goes/what you think.

 

[Falkor]

good topic easyskanking! , but the sad point is, i cannot control this foolish behaviour.
because of anxiety i start to act like this, so i dont know how to act all cool and stuff. I wish i could wear a poker face and just act cool :: but i dont know how to do this, cuz the anxiety is controlling me.

maybe we can get out of this topic, what we should do against these,
i mean, how to NOT act foolish and not seem fearful to other people.

Any ideas??

 

[LonelyWonders]

A "poker face" just makes people look at you differently. Not always good.. as i've seen, and you could always try being careful of every step you make, but try to hide that your doing it. Thats what I do.. Although I always know when i'm doomed to draw attention to myself..

 

[coyote]

Just a little realization/thought that I have bumped into recently and has helped greatly with social anxiety -

We are afraid of making a fool out of ourselves (in front of other people), correct?

Well, when we let the effects of social anxiety (sweating/blushing/shaking/quietness) control us, we achieve this exact fear, because by trembling, sweating, mumbling and not looking into people's eyes (all very abnormal behaviors) we look exactly like fools! Don't we?

On the contrary, if we had not let social anxiety take control to direct how we live our life, and had just been ourselves, you would be presently surprised to see that people do not see your true-self as someone who is foolish at all. This is something that I have learned from my excursion "out in life" - that people respect and like other people that are just themselves. So, something that I have discovered is that by being yourself, you stop yourself from making a fool of yourself. "Weird", isn't it? But very true!!! Try it...

Let me know how it goes/what you think.

 

[NathanielWingateSpaghetti]

i like this thread easy. You got the "jammin" title. So rad! I'm jammin' too but im Problem Child. xD

 

[EasySkanking]

good topic easyskanking! , but the sad point is, i cannot control this foolish behaviour.
because of anxiety i start to act like this, so i dont know how to act all cool and stuff. I wish i could wear a poker face and just act cool but i dont know how to do this, cuz the anxiety is controlling me.

maybe we can get out of this topic, what we should do against these,
i mean, how to NOT act foolish and not seem fearful to other people.

Any ideas??

Like lonelywonders suggested, it's not about putting on a poker face. It's about completely having the realization that the only way that you're going to stop making a fool of yourself, is to just be yourself in every social situation and not let the effects of social anxiety make you look like one .

So next time that you're in any social situation, know that the only way that you're not going to make a fool of yourself in that situation, is by being your own true self - even if that "self" is silly, boring, offensive, etc. - people respect that because all of those behaviours (being boring, offensive, sad, funny, happy, etc) are all normal behaviors and people will respect you and accept you as a "normal person" - and not as a fool .

So just try it, next time you are in a social situation. It wont defuse your automatic cascading effects of social anxiety (sweating/red-face/trembling/etc) completely, but it will make it easier to be in that social situation and teach your brain that social situations aren't as scary as you think. The effect of doing this as much as you can, is that you'll be getting better at "dealing" with social situations - thus, making your social anxiety better.

i like this thread easy. You got the "jammin" title. So rad! I'm jammin' too but im Problem Child. xD

Thank you. That's okay, I've been noted to be a "problem child" too often in my life. Probably still 'am

 

[popolala]

Yes, so true.

And that is the real defintion of social anxiety, i think maybe some people have different meaning. But social anxiety is all that in the list, i know i tend to blush and sweat when i talk to people...
i also get shaky... so stupid, which is so embarrasing..

I think SA people are too self-concious, and maybe we are perfectionist... we are being too hard on ourselve.. and we never going to be perfect..

 

[coyote]

the 17th century samurai, Miyamoto Musashi taught that one must obtain the "resolute acceptance of death" in order to be an effective warrior

after all, death is going to happen eventually to everyone

so by accepting death as imminent - in effect, living as though you are already dead - the warrior is able to overcome the fear of death and all that the fear will inhibit him from doing, thereby becoming invincible

an interesting paradox

the same can be said of making a fool of oneself

if you accept that making a fool of yourself is inevitable, it can free you from the fear

and allow you to behave freely and uninhibited - even while being a fool - and thereby cause others to respect and admire you

 

[superfluouslyme]

Very interesting assessment. I agree.

 

[NewtoThis]

I totally agree. I'm always the most sociable when I'm not afraid of looking like a dork. Unfortunately, I can't be myself every day, and a lot of the times being social just doesn't "click" for me. But I think you've definitely got the answer!

 

[Falkor]

A "poker face" just makes people look at you differently. Not always good.. as i've seen, and you could always try being careful of every step you make, but try to hide that your doing it. Thats what I do.. Although I always know when i'm doomed to draw attention to myself..

Well, I don't mean like hiding your personality about wearing a mask, I mean like hiding the anxiety inside, because I feel like I cannot raduate calm around people, and crowds usually. I don't wear a mask, a real poker face, just wish for a blank face, so that nobody can see my anxiety.
I don't want people to see me differently, that would only be confusing.. lol
But still, hiding behind my sunglasses helps a lot haha, sunglasses are the best trick for people with sa,
it helps you cover your eyes, people can't look at you, makes me wish sunshine could appear everyday ^^

 

[Falkor]

Like lonelywonders suggested, it's not about putting on a poker face. It's about completely having the realization that the only way that you're going to stop making a fool of yourself, is to just be yourself in every social situation and not let the effects of social anxiety make you look like one .

So next time that you're in any social situation, know that the only way that you're not going to make a fool of yourself in that situation, is by being your own true self - even if that "self" is silly, boring, offensive, etc. - people respect that because all of those behaviours (being boring, offensive, sad, funny, happy, etc) are all normal behaviors and people will respect you and accept you as a "normal person" - and not as a fool .

So just try it, next time you are in a social situation. It wont defuse your automatic cascading effects of social anxiety (sweating/red-face/trembling/etc) completely, but it will make it easier to be in that social situation and teach your brain that social situations aren't as scary as you think. The effect of doing this as much as you can, is that you'll be getting better at "dealing" with social situations - thus, making your social anxiety better.

Thanks for the tips, I'll keep them in mind to use them in soc situations and see what happens next,
even a little thought could help us, because changing our thinking patherns, is the way to get out, so i'll keep this in mind!
But still, I need to work on my SA really hard, I wish I knew how to kick it out of my life!


this reminds me of the trigger of my anxiety, I guess I never really accepted myself for who I am, because I don't feel like showing myself, like well. Here i am! I'm afraid people won't like the real me, because I'm insecure about myself. This triggers my anxiety even more.

Btw you're inspiring ^^, You should write a book

greetz!!

 

[EasySkanking]

^Thanks . Really appreciate it .

About "kicking anxiety away", yeah it's definately a difficult task to accomplish - because social anxiety manifests itself in you in many different levels of your being - in your self-esteem, parts of your brain that record traumas (ie. amygdala), your subconscious, and your being itself! (Maybe it's really just the way we are - extra-sensitive beings).

What we can do is make living with it better and easier to manage, to keep us happy and/or content . Now that I know is possible - to be content with what you have and how much you have 'done' to improve yourself.

Yeah, do try the tip that I suggested, I highly recommended. For me personally, it calms down my anxiety tremendously and it is way easier to do than other anxiety-reducing techniques that I have come across so far. So it's efficient and practical =).

In case you're wondering, the way it works with me is:

I "get" into a social situation and I automatically begin to feel the anxious (fight or flight) reactions starting up. At this point, I remind myself how much I don't like/want to look like a fool, so I remind myself that the only way I can do that is to "just be myself" (just like I explained before). What ends up happening, I just say and act how I feel like acting/saying, what I observe is that no one judges me negatively, rejects me, or ridicules me. Then I think "OK, cool, this seems to work, I'll just keep being myself so my anxiety reactions don't make me look like one". All the while, I haven't really realized that the _actual_ social anxiety reactions (raised heart-beat, sweating, etc.) are almost gone or not present at all...

All in all I think this idea is a great tool to fight social anxiety, because it is simple, practical, and easy to use/understand!!

Would love to know how it goes for them if anyone actually makes use of it =)

 

[EasySkanking]

Here i am! I'm afraid people won't like the real me, because I'm insecure about myself.

It's not about having people like the real you, because it's silly to think that everyone will like you. It's just unrealistic, because there's too many people out there that *hate* just to hate!...

But, instead of assuming that people will not like the real you (it's something that you don't know yet because you never let your true self be seen), find out. Let your true-self be seen and see if people like it or not - it's the only way you'll find out... assuming isn't beneficial because you are causing yourself to be miserable based on an assumption (nothing 'solid', something 'fake').