Simple acceptance

[Anonymous]

Is part of being cured of social phobia simply accepting we are not social people and being social will not make us happy? so we should forget about talking cos we're not good at it? Therefore less social pursuits will make us happier

 

[Crimefish]

Well, I'm an introvert, and that's not the same thing as SA. If I'm "cured" from SA, I'll still be an introvert. I'll just be able to do stuff that I need to do, which coincidentally involve people: school, work, shopping, etc.
I'll never be a social person, because I just don't get any pleasure from being with people. At best, it bores me. At worst, it gives me a panic attack.

Edit: I forgot to say, I think that knowledge would actually leave you less motivated to cure yourself, because you're not missing out on anything emotionally satisfying.

 

[GettingThere]

Is part of being cured of social phobia simply accepting we are not social people and being social will not make us happy? so we should forget about talking cos we're not good at it? Therefore less social pursuits will make us happier

I don't think so. We are motivated by our dreams and we can't simply change our dreams without enduring a lot of pain. I think that perhaps we may need to reassess our aims simply to put them into a realistic framework.

Everthing is relative, to use an analogy, a person playing sport at a low level can enjoy it as much as someone playing it at the highest level. Hope that makes sense. :mrgreen:

 

[Anonymous]

thats totallydepressing if its true. that we will always be like this and never be able to live freely. god i hope thats not the case!

 

[Shadow]

I don't think so. I think and SA sufferer can come to enjoy socialising with people in certain circumstances. We're probably never going to become party animals but who says we have to. You just have to find the right balance for you. I think we all need some social contact to be truly happy, but how much varies from person to person. Some people can be perfectly happy with only limited social contact. The main difference between those people and people like us is that those people don't avoid social contact because they're afraid of how other people will see them.

What I've noticed with myself over the last few months is that as I've become more confident I've found myself wanting to socialize more and more. I used to hate being around anybody but now I enjoy it in certain circumstances. Its amazing what a little confidence can do.

 

[Kaya]

Unfortunately:
1. we are social creatures and social interaction is important for our psychological and emotional wellbeing.
2. We are social creatures and we live in a society that requires that we have social contact to exist, ie to make money, buy necessities etc etc.

To withdraw from society completely is not only impossible (except trough death) but also only compounds our fear of social interactions.

I wish there was an easy solution...

 

[skins]

......crimefish is spot on with this one, very well answered. if your a introvert to begin with like me your probably always will be an introvert as simply socialising doesn't interest me at all so even if i got good at it i wouldn't actively pursue it anyway as i prefer to amuse myself rather then socialise. just as there are many extroverts there are just as many introverts out there, this has been proven to be the case in other primates etc.. and being an introvert is just as normal as an extrovert the trouble is when certain aspects of your SA is inhibiting you in living your life in some ways such as getting job and keeping it, so those aspects of it is what you need to get help with and improve ....doesn't mean you'll become a completely outgoing extrovert is my opinion anyway. cheers

 

[unleashed]

acceptance is very important. i dont accept my sp to the extent that i wont go to the shop, jusy to the extent that its okay for me to be a sweating, shaky nervous wreck while im doing it and to need beer and a shower when i get back home. theres no point in beating yourself up for what youre not, just get on and do as much as you can with what you have. i think its an illness, whether its brought on my nature or nurture is irrelevant, the thing to do with an illness is make the most of the times when its not too bad, accept and take it easy when its bad, knowing that itll either pass or kill you. not many of us have it so bad. we might copmplain that we dont have the jobs, partners or children that we want but, those things are a luxury not a right. lots of non sp people dont have those things. you could have a family and lose it, you could be infertile...sp is, just one card in the pack.

 

[rachel]

i actually don't know if im shy or have SA? or specifically, whether taking away the SA would reveal a shy person or normal too embarassed to talk talk to them.

 

[silverwolf]

humans are sociable animals acceptance is another way of quitting to put it plainly but a very tempting option when you don't give a shit anymore.