Should I or Should I Not?

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knr9311

Well-known member
My best friend is wanting me to move out with her. We're really good friends, have been since freshman year in high school & now we're both almost 20. I was all for it at first, but now I'm wondering if it's the right decision. I just started a new job on Monday & I do believe I will stick with it, but it's not something I'd like to do for the rest of my life. If I move out, I will have no safety net like I do living with my parents. I sometimes think that that would be good for me because then I absolutely cannot quit this job. Then again, I wonder if it would stress me out so much that I would be sent to another psychiatric hospital again (I haven't been in almost 4 years, but have been on the verge several times).:sad:

She knows how I struggle with SA, BPD, Generalized Anxiety, & Major Depression, yet she's still set on it. We agreed that we'd let me work at my new place of work for a month before doing anything, but now she mentioned two weeks.

I also am not currently on any medications or in counseling. I was kind of hoping to get back into counseling, but if I move out that will be unlikely. On top of that, I'm going to be starting college back up in August. I'd be going to college full-time & work full-time. Whereas, she'd be going to college full-time & working part-time.

My mom has mentioned about how I can look at this job as temporary until August, but if I move out I obviously can't. I know that my mom doesn't want me to move out, especially with her (she was arrested for underage drinking in November). Plus, she ALWAYS has a boyfriend & her current boyfriend has two kids. I'd have to deal with kids being at our place.. plus, her boyfriend would probably stay over a lot & I'm not sure if I like him or not (he has four felonies, including theft).:idontknow:

I suppose I kind of want to because I think it's important in finding out what kind of person I am & to feel independent, but I don't know if it'd be too much or not.

What are your opinions/suggestions?

& what do/how do I tell her if I decide not to move out?
 
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hexagon_sun

hexagon_sun

Well-known member
When I moved-out it was sort of under similiar circumstances except in my case it was my girlfriend that I was moving into an apartment with. I think that fact made it an easier decision for me, but I was still somewhat apprehensive. Generally, things are never as bad as you build them up to be in your head. You probably will do fine if you're able to hold a job. It really isn't that daunting. There are a few things you should consider though. It seems like you don't have any reservations about your friend or any weird personality quirks she may have, but keep in mind that being good friends with someone doesn't always mean they will make ideal roomates, especially the opposite sex! A year after I broke-up with my gf, I moved in with a female friend of mine and her BF (big mistake) and it started out great, we had a lot of good times; the arrangment lasting a year, but near the end it went downhill fast. She's a narssicist and gets off on the fact they she's able to easily presuade people to do things for her... Admittedly, I did not go into it with the purest intentions, but her BF did not seem to mind at all! I was still naive and desperate for attention, especially from a hot goth/punk chick! She easily persuaded me into moving-out of my apartment where I was living alone to one big enough for the three of us. The long and short of it is, I mistakenly believed that she had an interest in my other than purely platonic. Inevitably, when she found out how I felt, things got really akward. Appearantly, she was convinced I was in the closet, not really into chics... She told her boyfriend, he threatened to kick my ass. They would get into figts all the time for other reasons as well. It was very chaotic. They started out wanting to "help" me get over my SA and ended-up being real d-bags toward me, so I had to move-out. ...And also because their dog bite me in the face, but that's a whole other story! (I'm fine)
As surprising as this may sound, I'm not trying to disway you from doing this. As, messed-up a situtation it was, it was positive in that I learned a valuable lesson from it! Don't move in with the couples and kick-ass punkers because they are not so kick-ass to live with! Trust me on this! When it comes to roomates, boring is better!
Having said that, in my experience failure is the best teacher. You need to take risks, not with the expectation that you'll always succeed, but that you will gain wisdom from the experience, whether its good or bad. I think you should go for it, and I sincerely hope it all goes well, but if it doesn't, hopefully it won't be anything extreme and you should take heart that there are thousands of people (like you and me) who have gone through what you have gone through, and survived. Life goes on, and you end being a little bit stronger. I'm living proof!
 
vanillabear

vanillabear

Well-known member
Umm well to me it doesn't seem like you really want to move in with her so I say you don't.. From my experience, I noticed that when you start living with people the fun little quirks and stuff you loved about each other *might* (not always) start getting annoying.. you'll probably see a whole new side of her that you might (or might not) like. There's a lot to adapt to too, especially if you don't know how she is at home (i.e. sleep schedules, fridge space (had a roommate that took up space in our microscopic freezer to freeze 3 loaves of bread for 2 months), cleaning, bills, etc.). So in that respect I think home would be the better choice, at least for now, until you're more settled down at your job (congrats again!).

Personally, I've always tried not to live with friends if I can help it.. because at the very worst with people I'm not friends with and who I don't get along with, we can go our separate ways after the lease is done with, and at best I can make some new friends, but if you live with friends and things go bad .. the aftermath is just a mess. Just some of my (somewhat cynical) perspective..

If you don't want to I think you should just tell her you're a bit stressed with the new job and still adjusting so maybe now wouldn't be a great time to move in together. Independence is great but you should do it at your own pace, don't feel pressured to move in with her just because she gave you a deadline.
 
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jaim38

Well-known member
4-5 years ago, I was raring to move out. Today, I'm back living with my parents. Moving out isn't all fun as other people make it to be. There's a lot of responsibility involved. If you live with your best friend, you guys have to cook, clean (not just dishes and toilet, but apartment in general), do laundry, pay bills, and do all the other "fun" stuff. You guys need to start dividing up responsibilities, make a list of what needs to be done and who does what. I see you'll be working full time and attending college full time, which can be tough.

If you have some sort of debt (i.e. student loans), I recommend paying them first.
 
Srijita52

Srijita52

Well-known member
vanillabear said:
Umm well to me it doesn't seem like you really want to move in with her so I say you don't.. From my experience, I noticed that when you start living with people the fun little quirks and stuff you loved about each other *might* (not always) start getting annoying.. you'll probably see a whole new side of her that you might (or might not) like. There's a lot to adapt to too, especially if you don't know how she is at home (i.e. sleep schedules, fridge space (had a roommate that took up space in our microscopic freezer to freeze 3 loaves of bread for 2 months), cleaning, bills, etc.). So in that respect I think home would be the better choice, at least for now, until you're more settled down at your job (congrats again!).

Personally, I've always tried not to live with friends if I can help it.. because at the very worst with people I'm not friends with and who I don't get along with, we can go our separate ways after the lease is done with, and at best I can make some new friends, but if you live with friends and things go bad .. the aftermath is just a mess. Just some of my (somewhat cynical) perspective..

If you don't want to I think you should just tell her you're a bit stressed with the new job and still adjusting so maybe now wouldn't be a great time to move in together. Independence is great but you should do it at your own pace, don't feel pressured to move in with her just because she gave you a deadline.
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I couldn't agree more. Living with a roommate isn't always fun, sometimes it gets really irritating. Specially If you both have different interests and are in different situations. If I had a choice right now, I'd rather live alone. You've plenty of time to be independent, I think it'd be better not to rush things. Although its totally up to you.
 
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Silatuyok

Well-known member
It doesn't sound like a great circumstance to me. You don't want your first experience living on your own to be a bad one. And one month at a new job is not always enough to know whether or not you are going to stick with it. If I were you, I would tell her that I would consider it for the future, but I'm just not in a good place to be making that kind of decision just yet.
 
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