Selective mutism

[jryden]

Like I said in my other post about finding out about SA this yr, I've also beed reading on here about selective mutism. I was too lazy to research it but I did and thats another thing I'm now discovering about myself. I rarely say anything beyond Y/N or a very short answer. I have a lot to say but the words can't come out, or they dont come out right or I just cant think of anything to say.

I just read this really sad post on this other site. If there's anything that I've read that fully describes me, its this. Although she says she was never shy or nervous, I've always been like that.

Like her, I have no friends. I lost the few ones I had who i dont think even liked me. If theres anything i am so afraid of right now, its finding a job. Not only can i not find anything to apply for where my anxiety wouldnt go too crazy, I am afraid I wont ever be hired. You can tell me to be positive and keep trying but tbh, it wont help. My mom has such high expectations of me. Saying with a degree, I should be able to get this job or that job but no one knows about my issues. I just want to cry everytime she says something like that. And no, i wont tell them. Also afraid I wont ever make any real friends. My mom keeps pushing me to go out and be social. Again because they dont know about my issues, they dont get it. They know I am shy but nothing beyond that. They make fun of me saying when will you start dating. I laugh it off but in that moment, i want to bitch slap them lol

Another morning, another breakdown. Whats new!?

 

[Razzlecherry]

My parents always tell me to go meet people, join some clubs, go to parties and all that considering I'm in college. I just can't bring myself to do any of those things and I can't/ don't care to explain to my parents.

And yeah, I hate expectations. When someone expects something from me, it bothers the hell out of me. Also when people depend on me.

 

[jryden]

My parents always tell me to go meet people, join some clubs, go to parties and all that considering I'm in college. I just can't bring myself to do any of those things and I can't/ don't care to explain to my parents.

And yeah, I hate expectations. When someone expects something from me, it bothers the hell out of me. Also when people depend on me.

I hate ppl depending on my mostly because I know I'll let them down.
If i do something for someone and they say I did a good job, I never believe them. I assume I never do anything right.

I have a lot of ppl expecting too much out of me right now and it doing nothing but causing me more anxiety.

 

[neohorizon]

I was like you and i'm much better now: PLZ READ

*srry my english*

I had the same problems as you... I'm lazy, I still with selective mutism and my parents put high expectations on me! I'm not cool enough so i dont have much friends. People didn't understand why i was so shy or sad, they always nagged me to change thinking it was easy.

First:

Open up with your mother man!

She is your mother, you came from her, she raised you, she wants your good, she wont judge you if you tell how you are felling bad! Stop suffering and tell her what is bothering you! It will be hard at first time, but your relationship with her can change for much better, she can help you!
I did that to my parents, telling why i couldn't leave home or get a job, i said that they spoiled me to much and made me too weak to deal with my problems and said what i need from them to change it.
If you cant tell so directly you should start complaining about the things that are worrying or disturbing you... No stress! She will notice what you are trying to say after some time.

*I heard of people that took histories of people with problems like ours in the internet and shown to their parents... I couldnt do that, idk about you

Second: Look for professional help! Tell your problems and ask for medicine if you need! This kind of help is so IMPORTANT, they will guide you and you will fell stronger and more ready to face your problems like getting a job.

Third: About the selective mutism, i think its the worst part of the whole thing, we feel so inferior to the other people, this breaks our self-esteem, our confidence and made our problems much worse (like finding a job)

In my case the problem was my speaking skills and my confidence (none), i couldn't speak right cause i had no skill with it and my anxiety in these moments were huge.

"Solution":
the professional help will make big difference, but if you want to win this war you must fight many battles!
If you want stop being a horrible cooker, you need to cook!
I know its hard, there's the fear of shame or of looking like a retard. But what i can say is, fight as many battle as you can, say more "Hi" to people, ask for things to other people just to start a conversation, find people that likes the same things that you like and talk about it...
And remember to use the lost battles, the conversations that ended bad and you regret, to learn and dont repeat the mistakes... (i bet you will repeat cause its freaking hard, but go on).

DONT THINK TO HIGH, my first job was in the last year of the college, my "friends" were working for more than 3 years! I started as a trainee for the government, doing things like putting kids to sleep, cleaning bathrooms... It was so important to me, made me gain confidence, improved my speaking skills and i met so many good people that helped me! Dont compare yourself to other people, you have your limitations and must change it before! Everybody is different

DONT FORGET TO OPEN YOURSELF, ITS THE FIRST STEP!

I hope God makes you find people as the ones i found that helped me so much, especially a girl that i'm in love now that helped me to take more risk and face my problems!