Scared eye-contact with most people

theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
I get the sense that my eyes/vibe have a "scared little rabbit" vibe about them. With some people, i am perhaps scared for my safety, as i see a very hateful vibe from them towards me. Or am i looking at people wrong? Should i never look at people out the side of my eye (ie always turn my head to look directly at them, or don't look at all). I guess it's a form of anxiety - a fear of people (in addition to the SA/SP i appear to have). It's hard to put it into words, & i don't have a label for it, but perhaps there is one. :question:
 
lifesnotfair

lifesnotfair

Well-known member
I have the same problem. But my problem started when i was a kid. I have never been able to figure out why i can't make eye contact with others.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
lifesnotfair said:
I have the same problem. But my problem started when i was a kid. I have never been able to figure out why i can't make eye contact with others.
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Mine started as a kid i'm sure. Nowadays most people seem okay with me (are mature & accepting?), but the occasional one makes a comment, and very occasionally i come across one who seems to "have it in for me" (giving me very violent stare, making rude insults, laughing, etc). So i try to avoid "bad" people & immature people (eg many schoolkids), by only going shopping in my nearest town, avoiding school holidays, etc.
 
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FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
My dad used to sit across the dinner table at night and glare at me. Sometimes it was because I'd misbehaved, sometimes it was because he had a bad day at work, sometimes it was because only he knew why. But I blame my problems with eye contact squarely on him.

It looked almost just like this:

Russell-Crowe-02.jpg


That's actually kind of hard for me to look at.
 
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hardy

hardy

Well-known member
As soon as we look into the eyes, there is a thought of fear due to some past incident/habit(this happens so fast, we are not even aware)..This leads to an unpleasant sensation of fear in heart or in stomach...We don't want this sensation, so we escape(stop looking) or take medication...Drink etc, which doesn't help... What to do? I have been pleading people to learn vipassana...But no one wants to go to the Root of the problem....at least begin with mindfulness.... Having said this it will take lot of effort to overcome this but it's more than worth ... For me. May you come out of this n be happy... Peaceful...Lots of love
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
FountainandFairfax said:
My dad used to sit across the dinner table at night and glare at me. Sometimes it was because I'd misbehaved, sometimes it was because he had a bad day at work, sometimes it was because only he knew why. But I blame my problems with eye contact squarely on him
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Yeah, my dad's the same. Could never tell me the truth of his unpleasant stares .. perhaps there were no words for, or the issue was too sensitive to discuss. But for my whole life he's been the same. So the problem never get gets resolved, but lingers like a foul smell, year in year out, decade in decade out. But i had poor (fearful/anxious/etc) eye-contact with mum & older brother too, and relatives, and most people. There seemed to be no help available. It even seems beyond therapy as therapy hasn't helped me in that area.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
hardy said:
As soon as we look into the eyes, there is a thought of fear due to some past incident/habit(this happens so fast, we are not even aware)..This leads to an unpleasant sensation of fear in heart or in stomach...We don't want this sensation, so we escape(stop looking) or take medication...Drink etc, which doesn't help... What to do? I have been pleading people to learn vipassana...But no one wants to go to the Root of the problem....at least begin with mindfulness.... Having said this it will take lot of effort to overcome this but it's more than worth ... For me. May you come out of this n be happy... Peaceful...Lots of love
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For me it's not a sensation, but just an unpleasant feeling. It makes me feel apprehensive/worrisome/etc.

What is the "Root" of the problem? Can you spell it out in everyman terms?

I'm trying to be aware of any feelings (eg anger) i have with people, & then trying to turn the negative into a positive, via thoughts. Is that mindfulness?

My eye-contact "intensity" is high at present. I'm wondering if constant drinking of alcohol has a part to play?
 
lily

lily

Well-known member
i think people just know when I'm having anxiety or i get the 'r you ok?' question which i don't mind as i like to know when I'm looking anxious even though I'm trying not to be.
 
cappatown420

cappatown420

Well-known member
lily said:
i think people just know when I'm having anxiety or i get the 'r you ok?' question which i don't mind as i like to know when I'm looking anxious even though I'm trying not to be.
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Not to do with eye contact, just in general, I get the "ARE YOU OKAY?!" Sometimes, sounding very concerned

I just look at them dead *** and say, "That's just how my face looks."

Works like a charm.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
cappatown420 said:
Not to do with eye contact, just in general, I get the "ARE YOU OKAY?!" Sometimes, sounding very concerned

I just look at them dead *** and say, "That's just how my face looks."

Works like a charm.
Click to expand...

Yeah, same here. :eek:mg: Even more annoying than that question is the follow-up of “Are you sure?” :eek:h:
 
FriendlyShadow

FriendlyShadow

Well-known member
I also feel awkward when I have to force myself to look at the person I'm talking to face to face. I can only hold eye contact with them only for 5-10 seconds before I break away. My eyes constantly roam everywhere instead of looking at the person I'm talking to.

It's even worse when you're both at a table sitting across from each other and you try as hard as you can to think of what to say. Every time this happens with me, my heart beats faster, I get more shaky, and I stumble over my words a lot. It sucks.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
I recently read something (i think my anger studies) that there's a fear of love present. I've always felt that i think, with people. Maybe i felt i wasn't worthy enough to be loved, so pushed any "connection" (via eye-contact) away? :question:
Or i was angry at the world & didn't trust myself with intimacy with people? :question:
 
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