SAD affects my life badly

hangbi92

hangbi92

Well-known member
I just want to share you some of the ways how SAD has affected my life:
Today I had a test, and I just couldnt concentrate on it because of my anxiety. I dont even know why I acted so weird and crazy. Its not that I could not do the test, but whenever the teacher walked by me I started to feel nervous, my heart started racing and and my hand shaking, and I stopped writing, like she was gonna eat me or sth. I had to wait until she walked far away from me so that I could concentrate on my test. The closer she got to me, the more anxious I felt. Even her footsteps made me feel anxious like crazy. And throughout the whole test, I stopped writting many times and pretented to be meditating just to wait for her to go away from me. It was such a waste of time, I could have done my test better.
And thats not all. After that I got a PE period. Normally I wouldnt skip PE class. Actually I really like PE because its the time when I can feel a little bit relieved and less depressed. But today our PE class was merged with the PE 10 girl class. And the moment I knew about it I started to be panic. I was so afraid that I might do something humiliating that made these girls laugh at me. So I slipped away from the PE class and hid in the washing room. I sat on the toilet for the whole period, wishing that nobody would walk in here and found out that I was hiding here. I dont know why I felt this way, I dont know why I cant control my brain when Im around people. I went home and thought about what happened today, and it made me even want to laugh at myself. I was so impaired and dysfuntional because of my SAD. I always try to avoid people and am afraid that they may think I am suspicious or crazy or sth.
I have to go to the bank in few minutes. Even the thought of stepping out of the door scares me. And I have to walk through 2 traffic lights. I dont know what will happen.
 
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Dronee

Dronee

1
I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't know what I can say to help, except that your plight is in my thoughts. And that you're not alone.
 
hangbi92

hangbi92

Well-known member
Dronee said:
I'm sorry you feel that way. I don't know what I can say to help, except that your plight is in my thoughts. And that you're not alone.
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Thanks Dronee :),
I just came back home from the bank and feel so relieved. Only ten minutes outside and I felt like hell. When I walked through the traffic lights I was so aware that the people in the car was wacthing every steps of mine and judging the way I walked. And these thought made me actually walk weirdly. I looked down on the road the whole time. And I hate those buses which passed me suddenly, making me much more nervous. When I got in the bank I was a bit relieved at first. But when I stood in the line waiting for my turn, I started to be nervous again. I felt hot inside my body. I didnt know where to put my hands, where to look at so I turned my head around every some minutes. I thought people in the line found me suspicious. If I have the chance to watch the video recorded by the bank's camera, I must look really like a thief.
And then I went home as quick as I could, passing those traffic lights again. I felt so relaxed when entering my house, all those pressure went away. That was just only some minutes and I still had this feeling, I have no idea how to deal with my anxiety for the rest of my life.
BTW I just want to share to get it off my chest, u dont need to reply
 
hangbi92

hangbi92

Well-known member
sundaygirl said:
im so sorry to hear you feel this badly :( this anxiety you're feeling is terrible. but also, you must know aswell that THIS(all this bad concentration, avoiding classes) are most defonitely the worst you'll get. i've absolute faith you'll get better- even your own concern/worry about the whole thing proves you're willing to get better. and trust me, it really does get better.
i was much worse at concentrating for school exams before, but not anymore. i cant explain how it happens, but it does. the anxiety just gets less and less.

i could relate 100% with what you wrote about the toilet. when i was 14 i experienced this a LOT. it's actually the most horrible feeling ever!! i would feel anxious in there, even thinking...."this is so stupid and people will notice me hiding". feeling suffocated too, but too scared to leave. i kind of felt like i was doing something wrong and riddiculous all the while . you're not wrong for hiding for that PE class, but i bet even you yourself, knew at the time that you're better than that. you're sooo much better than the person who avoids classes. that's what i realised anyways about me, and i've never hidden since.

hopefully you got on better at the bank, experienced less anxiety. but if you did feel bad there too, you shouldn't worry. what you must keep reminding yourself is, yes you will improve and become more relaxed, with time.
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Thanks sundaygirl,
yeah I always tell myself to get better, so sometimes I dont have these feeling when doing test or in PE class. My anxiety comes and goes. Sometimes I feel so confident and the other time so anxious. I just dont know why.
And Im relieved to know that u can relate to me about the toilet too. I thought I was the only one to do this weird thing. And yeah I was afraid to leave the toilet too. I was afraid that when they saw me, they would know I had been hiding in the toilet all the time. I had to make sure for everyone to get in the class (by hearing the bell ring) so that I could comfortably leave. It was so weird and annoying. But my brain told me to do so.
 
hangbi92

hangbi92

Well-known member
spider04 said:
I know, it seems to get worse... but I found out that it's THE ONLY WAY TO GET BETTER, atleast for me ;)
If you keep hiding your anxiety wil also get worse.
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Maybe u r right. Hiding may make me comfortable for a while, but my SAD will always stay there. Facing my own anxiety can make my anxiety go to the roof, but it will actually help me to get used to the situation and make me less nervous the next time. But it will require much perseverance. The fact is that I have tried to face my anxiety many times, and sometimes it works, but sometimes I was so anxious that I coulnt even think of anything else. So right now I still combine both of the two ways: hiding and facing.
 
Dronee

Dronee

1
Listen man. I used to be nervous just talking on the phone. Going to the barber and buying grocery... And I was conscripted to become a police officer... You can imagine how THAT feels. One thing that has helped me is to try and divert focus away from the current situation... Like thinking... Haha. When this is over, I'm sooo going to play Heroes of Might and Magic (or whatever hobby you like). It helps to give you something to look forward to and at the same time, the 'good thing' competes for your brain's processing power. It actually takes your brain's focus to do anything, including running thoughts that lead to anxiety.
 
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