Please Help, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder?

#1
I have been On Anti Depressents for Ocd,Anxiety,Depression for years, im on 60 mg Of Ciatropram at the moment and i feel after reading, reading and reading about OCPD It to me is like describing.......Me.

Would this situation in my life describe anything to do with OCPD???

In a nutshell, I have an 18 yr old little cousin and to me she is like my little sister(Im an only child) and i have known well..since she was born really.


Last Dec, She would have been sitting in the house doing pretty much nothing,I got her out the house, asked her to the pub,Introduced her to my friends with thinking well if im not in the pub and she goes there she will have people to talk to, im not ashamed to admit this i deal with depression and anxiety,ocd and im on anti depressents and i drink. End of dec i suffered a HUGE paranoid/anxiety attack thinking she had fell out with me,she hadnt but was trying to get in contact to see what was"wrong" So through the year a few times i thought she had fell out with but it again was my paranoia and each time i saw her i aplogised to her for being like that and she would never reply to my txts,stop replying to me on a social networking site but everytime i saw her up town id be like"we cool?"etc& she said yes& if i was annoying she would tell me,again no reply to my txts,online msg's,she tells me things are ok but then goes and ignores me and and when she said she would add me to her friends list on a social networking site, she turns round and declines my request, to me i feel she been lying a lot to me and very 2faced ,Any Idea WHY she is being this way?? i know she has been lying to me and 2faced.

& if i was annoying she would tell me,again no reply to my txts,online msg's,she tells me things are ok but then goes and ignores me and and when she said she would add me to her friends list on a social networking site, she turns round and declines my request, to me i feel she been lying a lot to me and very 2faced ,Any Idea WHY she is being this way?? i know she has been lying to me and 2faced. Of Course iam Hurt and angry and In The Pub on Saturday I was standing at the jukeboxwith my friend, isaw her and her friend enter, i shot her a ****** off look, 5 mins later my friend and i go to our seats and drinks, within seconds she has drank her drink quickly, storms out the pub with her friend walking behind her....I mean i have said to severeal friends in the bar that look out for her if she gets into trouble and help her and they said they would as she is my cuz and would call me..Iam Hurt and confused why she is being like this.


All Thoughts Welcome.
 
#2
It doesn't really matter why she has behaved the way that she has, scottishpacfan. You should simply respect her wish and give her space. Many times, by doing this, it restores the relationship. If she wants to contact you, she knows where to find you.

Not everyone feels comfortable being open with their feelings. This is another thing that we simply have to accept, even if it leaves us completely in the dark. You've let her know that you care and that's all that you can do.

Don't be ugly with her either when you do see her, even though she has hurt you. It will only drive her further away. Quite the opposite: if the opportunity ever arises, show her that you care with kindness and forgiveness.

Also, try not to drink. Alcohol will only make your life that much harder, has been my experience.
 
#3
It doesn't really matter why she has behaved the way that she has, scottishpacfan. You should simply respect her wish and give her space. Many times, by doing this, it restores the relationship. If she wants to contact you, she knows where to find you.

Not everyone feels comfortable being open with their feelings. This is another thing that we simply have to accept, even if it leaves us completely in the dark. You've let her know that you care and that's all that you can do.

Don't be ugly with her either when you do see her, even though she has hurt you. It will only drive her further away. Quite the opposite: if the opportunity ever arises, show her that you care with kindness and forgiveness.

Also, try not to drink. Alcohol will only make your life that much harder, has been my experience.

Thanks for your Comments, I must ask if possible you could elaborate on one things you said

1. "It doesn't really matter why she has behaved the way that she has, scottishpacfan. You should simply respect her wish and give her space. Many times, by doing this, it restores the relationship. If she wants to contact you, she knows where to find you"

Im Just Hurt and Angry that she had to LIE, i mean how can you deal with problems if you dont discuss them right?

Also A LOT of my friends have said about this"Say Nothing,Do Notihng, let HER come to you" Im just a bit heartbroke that she's being this way towards me, cold and ignoring me, she knows all about my issues but does she understand them? she'sl ike a lil sis to me.
 
#4
I can completely related to what you're going through, actually. Not too long ago I went through something very similar. Because the honest communication never took place, I feel like I never got closure. It was EXTREMELY hurtful, since I had considered this person a wonderful friend.

In the end I had to accept that I was never going to have the opportunity to have the closure. I could have forced myself into the person's life, but it would have only made things worse. It's damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

The feelings of hurt and anger are COMPLETELY understandable. We're human beings. It would be a lie to deny those emotions under those circumstances. Only with time does it get better.

As human beings we're very weird, emotional, illogical creatures. To try to understand why others do what they do is an exercise in futility. A person can stop talking to you for no reason, or simply because other things in their life have come up (boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.), or still, sometimes relationships grow stale. It's not that they don't like you, they just don't have anything left to say. Other times they make new friends and suddenly the old ones are neglected. See where I'm going? There's just so many variables that are out of our control to make any sense of things. And I haven't even mentioned unintentionally having hurt their feelings or made them feel uncomfortable. That opens up a whole nother world of possible reasons.

So when I say that it doesn't matter why, it's because the reasons are endless. And sometimes the other person doesn't have a real good reason either, other than they just don't feel like talking or hanging out anymore. Oh my goodness, and when you're 18 feelings change from day to day! There's just no rhyme or reason for it.

I've found that when that happens, it's best to just let the person know that if they ever need a friend, there's one waiting. Often times, in the future, the friendship is rekindled and becomes even stronger.

Hang in there. Your feelings will be very hurt for a long while, and you will feel angry as well. It's screwed up and unfair the way that things work out sometimes, but that's life. We just have to accept it, as crappy as it is.
 
#5
I can completely related to what you're going through, actually. Not too long ago I went through something very similar. Because the honest communication never took place, I feel like I never got closure. It was EXTREMELY hurtful, since I had considered this person a wonderful friend.

In the end I had to accept that I was never going to have the opportunity to have the closure. I could have forced myself into the person's life, but it would have only made things worse. It's damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

The feelings of hurt and anger are COMPLETELY understandable. We're human beings. It would be a lie to deny those emotions under those circumstances. Only with time does it get better.

As human beings we're very weird, emotional, illogical creatures. To try to understand why others do what they do is an exercise in futility. A person can stop talking to you for no reason, or simply because other things in their life have come up (boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.), or still, sometimes relationships grow stale. It's not that they don't like you, they just don't have anything left to say. Other times they make new friends and suddenly the old ones are neglected. See where I'm going? There's just so many variables that are out of our control to make any sense of things. And I haven't even mentioned unintentionally having hurt their feelings or made them feel uncomfortable. That opens up a whole nother world of possible reasons.

So when I say that it doesn't matter why, it's because the reasons are endless. And sometimes the other person doesn't have a real good reason either, other than they just don't feel like talking or hanging out anymore. Oh my goodness, and when you're 18 feelings change from day to day! There's just no rhyme or reason for it.

I've found that when that happens, it's best to just let the person know that if they ever need a friend, there's one waiting. Often times, in the future, the friendship is rekindled and becomes even stronger.

Hang in there. Your feelings will be very hurt for a long while, and you will feel angry as well. It's screwed up and unfair the way that things work out sometimes, but that's life. We just have to accept it, as crappy as it is.
I Actually Feel A Bit Better Dude And Understand More with what you have said and if i may ask you something else

"A person can stop talking to you for no reason, or simply because other things in their life have come up (boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.), or still, sometimes relationships grow stale. It's not that they don't like you, they just don't have anything left to say. Other times they make new friends and suddenly the old ones are neglected. See where I'm going? There's just so many variables that are out of our control to make any sense of things. And I haven't even mentioned unintentionally having hurt their feelings or made them feel uncomfortable. That opens up a whole nother world of possible reasons."

A Few People have said that she's Giving me The Cold Shoulder etc Because of my issues etc, How I have been, Trying to get in touch all the time ie my paranoia and anxiety etc, well you have read my story. She has just turned....Cold to me
 
#6
Yep, you're probably right. Our issues are difficult for others to deal with. It's tough. And she's only 18. It's no surprise that she's handling the situation in such an unhealthy way. She still has a lot to learn about life. Be patient with her. And most importantly, forgive her. Remember, she's young.

I'm glad you feel better. You're not alone with your experience, that's for sure.
 
#8
Yep, you're probably right. Our issues are difficult for others to deal with. It's tough. And she's only 18. It's no surprise that she's handling the situation in such an unhealthy way. She still has a lot to learn about life. Be patient with her. And most importantly, forgive her. Remember, she's young.

I'm glad you feel better. You're not alone with your experience, that's for sure.
"And most importantly, forgive her. Remember, she's young. "

Maybe This Says a lot About Me But Im Bitter,Angry About Her And and finding it very very hard to forgive.

The Urge To Go To Her Mum And Spill my Guts is Tempting...

Ive already said about it to her grandma which in retrospect was maybe not a good idea, was just so pissed i had to say something.
 
#9
I know how hard it is. How do you forgive someone who doesn't exhibit remorse for what they've done? It's really, REALLY hard. It's still the right thing to do, even if it takes a while before we actually get around to doing it.
 

LeeAnne

Active member
#13
It could be she just needs the space, and worrying and putting an extra effort into planning on getting her back in your life might make her push away more, especially if she is being evasive already.

The dishonesty would drive me nuts but you need to focus on something else for a while, and just leave it.
 

PennyLane

Well-known member
#14
YesNoMaybe...I really like your posts on most threads. You have an excellent way of explaining things clearly and offering good advice.

I'm now in my 20's and it has taken years for me to realise that getting 'closure' isn't always possible. This used to kill me and I would continue pushing myself into someones life wanting answers. It is pointless, tiring and ultimately makes you feel worse. Now I try to make my feelings as clear as possible to the person without going overboard and then walk away. This has made everything easier.
 
#16
A Little Update on The Situation...

Well No Change AT ALL, She has still not been in touch.

This Xmas My Mum And I Got a xmas Card from her mum,dad and Her.

I Sent Her a Pm On Facebook to tell her that to ask her to tell her mum and dad Thanks for the card as it Was lovely-No Reply.

My Mum Gave Her a Xmas Pressie and i simply gave her a xmas card(Taped To The Pressie My Mum Gave Her) wishing her a happy xmas and to have a happy birthday when it arrived(Her Birthday was On Dec 28th).

No Response.

Im Sticking To My "Do Nothing, Say Nothing, Let Her Approach Me" Idea...

What Are Peoples Thoughts And Advice On What i have said Here?.
 

Kat

Well-known member
#17
Yeah, it's time to find a new friend in someone else because your wasting your time, you can't make someone like you but it doesn't mean you can't find someone that does. It is not easy to let things like this go, you just got to think it's their loss. :)
 
#18
Are you sure you have not done something to really make her mad? I just cannot see someone ignoring you like that for no real reason. If she is mad or just ignoring you just to be doing it I would quit making attempts to talk to her. If my cousin was doing that to me i would say "hell with it" but that's just me! I may not know the whole situation but I really think you are worrying too much about this.
Barry Dude, What i have posted in this thread IS the WHOLE Situation as best as i know.

It Just Hurts As She Is my Little cuz who i look on as my little sis.
 

Kat

Well-known member
#19
Barry Dude, What i have posted in this thread IS the WHOLE Situation as best as i know.

It Just Hurts As She Is my Little cuz who i look on as my little sis.
It's hard with family, I have members that aren't keen on me and it becomes very awkward when I am forced to attend family gatherings situations to interact with them. I usually just try and avoid them at all cost if I can, most of them know about my problems but you can't expect them to have a clear understanding of what goes on in our head just like we don't with theirs.

Im Sticking To My "Do Nothing, Say Nothing, Let Her Approach Me" Idea...
And that's the right thing to do.
 
#20
It's hard with family, I have members that aren't keen on me and it becomes very awkward when I am forced to attend family gatherings situations to interact with them. I usually just try and avoid them at all cost if I can, most of them know about my problems but you can't expect them to have a clear understanding of what goes on in our head just like we don't with theirs.

And that's the right thing to do.
For Sure Kat Iam Sticking to doing "The Right Thing" The best Thing To Do Is Nothing Really.

Iam every oh slightly baffled she never responded when i asked her to thank her mum and dad(and her) for the nice xmas card they sent my mother and i..

Strange...
 
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