Parents with Social Anxiety

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#1
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I thought I could start a thread where parents dealing with social anxiety could talk about the hurdles we have to jump and the trials we face because we have this added responsibility. We can share how kids effect our lives and our Social Anxiety.

Here are a few topics that effect me:

Dealing with teachers
Dealing with pediatricians
Dealing with dentists
Dealing with their friend's parents
Dealing with having friends in the house
Dealing with noise and chaos
Worry about teaching social anxiety to the kids
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#2
Had to make a phone call about my school loan billing being messed up and the guy I talked to was really nice but using the phone and having to say out loud that I didn't have a job or any money etc. sent me into a spiraling anxiety attack ("I know he is judging me, I am feeling like a loser") so I felt the need to take some medication, and it's a good thing I did because no more had a I taken the pill than I hear from upstairs my 8 year old hollering at me that my 3 year old was bleeding. He had gotten a hold of a razor in the bathroom (crazy monkey that he is) and cut his thumb. Of course it didn't hurt him as the razor was sharp and the cut superficial, but it was bleeding a bit. As I explain to him that he needed a band-aid he FLIPS OUT 0_0. Lord have mercy, not the dreaded band aid! So he is screaming about the band aid (not the blood) at the top of his lungs and flipping out every time I get it near him. It took like 5 minutes to apply the bloody thing and then I had to take an old knit glove, cut the fingers off all but the thumb and stick the cut thumb (with the band aid on it) into the glove so he couldn't see it.
I realize now how convenient it had worked out that I had already taken my medication as it kept me from totally losing my mind! By the time the glove was on, I was feeling more calm.
 
#3
School functions are another thing for me. A crowded gym full of parents and kids. Hate it. Or field trips! I don't want my daughter going on a field trip without me or the old lady as a chaperone. My wife helps out a lot when there's interaction over the kid. But when a boy at school thought it was ok to punch my girl... daddy here went to the school, i can do amazingly social stuff when I'm mad. At any rate, yeah, SA affected parents have another set of challenges.
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#4
I agree, I can be a momma bear if anyone messes with my kids. My son's teacher called the other day and said he had a HUGE PROBLEM that was effecting the whole class, and made a big deal over "this problem" like it was horrifying. I was thinking "is he biting, hitting, cursing, what?" So she tells me that he picks his rear (because he has sensory issues, and his underwear ride up.) I am like, "are you serious, this the MAJOR problem you have?" Thank God that was all it was, but I was perturbed. Hey, you have to choose your battles! I said "what do you want me to do about it? Home school?"
Of course I later apologized for snapping at her, but lets not make a big deal out of something so little. Geez. 8 Year olds do that!
You are a great Dad for doing field trips. I have completely stopped because my husband often does it for me. Sometimes I wonder if I should stop relying on him so much and take over some of these responsibilities, maybe it would help me get over some of this phobia.
 
#5
Ill be going to her school tomorrow to see why there has to be complete silence in the lunch room and why my kid had to sit alone today. I AM PISSED
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#8
Feeling a bit of anxiety tonight, I'm all revved up because one kid has been lying about having missing assignments, another has first communion this Sunday and we are working on his workbook, deadline tomorrow, and he was screwing around, then the littlest one was bothering everyone. Meantime the oldest was complaining because we had to cut his black ops time down to one hour a night because he was caught playing way too late last night. Ugh. By the end of all of this I am like shaking and charged beyond belief. How can the same people that I love with all my heart and who bring me so much joy and purpose also make me weak and feel like freaking out?
My 8 year old was crying before bed because we said he might need braces. With the social anxiety I find it really hard to watch anyone else feel strong emotions so his crying made me panic inside. I wish I knew how to stay calm in these situations, and I hope they can't sense how upset I feel. If any of them can, I think he would be the one (the 8 year old.) I worry everyday that he has my anxiety problem. If I am the least bit upset about something he does he panics, hides his face and cries. Makes me feel so guilty that he could have inherited this from me :(
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#9
I just had to host Easter last weekend, and I made it through... but this weekend I already have to host another party for my son's first communion. It is a lot for me to handle. I have to clean the house, prepare the food, get the kids all ready, and shop for groceries. I have to go up to the front of the church with him and be forced to socialize... so parenting duties are causing me stress. I know I can get through it, but it's trying.
I keep wondering about how some people say that exposure helps to cure social anxiety, but I don't believe it. The deeper I am in, the worse I feel. It effects me emotionally, but also physically as I carry my stress in my body.
On an up note, proud of my son and happy he's getting his first communion!
Now, off to make a cake. Yay.
 

darrens

Active member
#10
Just noticed this thread,this is probably the issue that pushed me to join here in the 1st place as i figured a while back i have to beat this somehow unlikely as it sounds ,so my son doesn't end up with a life like mine.
He's 4 gonna be going to school or should be in sept i haven't registered him anywhere or anything i'm not sure where i'm going at the mo with everything.
All them issue's you talk about i figure are going to be problem's,i don't have money for treatment so what do i do for a miracle cure, or even miracle improvement?
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#11
Just noticed this thread,this is probably the issue that pushed me to join here in the 1st place as i figured a while back i have to beat this somehow unlikely as it sounds ,so my son doesn't end up with a life like mine.
He's 4 gonna be going to school or should be in sept i haven't registered him anywhere or anything i'm not sure where i'm going at the mo with everything.
All them issue's you talk about i figure are going to be problem's,i don't have money for treatment so what do i do for a miracle cure, or even miracle improvement?
Do you have a supportive spouse, or are you going it solo? Either way (as I am sure you will already know) a parent can move mountains for their kids and their well being. You may not find a cure, but you will find ways to cope, and I love the idea of us parents sharing all the skills we learn along the way :D
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#12
So, had the First communion today and I was so proud of my boy. I actually cried when they stood of front and sang their little song. So sweet, he's growing up so fast.
But of course you couldn't get away without listening to me moan about something.... So here goes (sorry...)
I went through a lot of trouble (not to mention money) to make a nice party for him. I broke my hump yesterday and was up until 2 am. making the cake and preparing all the food so it would be ready because I wanted everything to be fresh and ready to go after mass. It was so hard to get out of bed at 7 after such a short sleep, but I did it...
Almost no one showed up 0_0
My brother and his girlfriend showed, but they didn't bring any of the kids. My sister didn't show with her family, my mom didn't show at the church (although she made a cameo at the party) nor did my husband's sister. Luckily his parents made it.
It really hurt my feelings, made me feel like no one cares for my son. It is part of what fuels my social anxiety, feeling no one loves me (us, in this case) and being continually let down by those who are supposed to love me. Worst part is none of them even messaged me to let me know. So rude. Now I have way too much food which luckily won't go to waste as my kids will polish it off this week, but I really worked hard to make things nice- and for what? I know my son appreciated it, although had it only been us I could have taken him to dinner at Mc D's and he would have been happy with it, and I would have gotten a good night's sleep to boot. So, I am feeling let down, sad, and hurt... Trying my hardest to concentrate on my lovely son, enjoy this special day with him and hope to God he doesn't notice that hardly anyone was there or that people are losers. Hope he knows that his worth doesn't reflect their reckless treatment of his feelings.
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#13
I started a blog yesterday, and am hoping I stick with it. It's just a basic blog about life with kids and how to make do on a budget. I plan on posting things on there about cooking, gardening, sewing and crafts as well as my chickens- basically my life. What I do everyday. It would be neat to touch other people's lives even if I don't feel like leaving my house. It would be like being a useful part of society despite my inability to join the PTA or volunteer. I DO have valid things to say. I guess I will just get them out in the only way I know how. I don't plan on bringing up the social anxiety. I will save that for here.
 

darrens

Active member
#14
That sound's like a decent idea, sorry about the issue's with ur family can't say i have all the same issues as i do get a lot of support from family with my sons and that,still i have a lot i must do myself and it's all around the corner.

To ur question before i live with the mother of my kids alright,but i was abroad back home now,she is not a native english speaker her english is good enough and improving but i will have to take the lead on thing's.
What about your other half do you think he is like a crutch for you to continue on this path? my gf has been a bit like that really it's not like my mother,father relationship in that my mother always was down on him.Like my last gf was the type to build my confidence and we were probably a better match,but i always feared she would find out what i was really like and end up like my mother,father relationship where she used her social prowess to control him if u know what i mean.
I think it's natural in any long term relationship you will find peoples weaknesses and be able to exploit them if you are that way inclined,or maybe just it's a natural thing that most people do to assert control to get what they want.
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#15
That sound's like a decent idea, sorry about the issue's with ur family can't say i have all the same issues as i do get a lot of support from family with my sons and that,still i have a lot i must do myself and it's all around the corner.

To ur question before i live with the mother of my kids alright,but i was abroad back home now,she is not a native english speaker her english is good enough and improving but i will have to take the lead on thing's.
What about your other half do you think he is like a crutch for you to continue on this path? my gf has been a bit like that really it's not like my mother,father relationship in that my mother always was down on him.Like my last gf was the type to build my confidence and we were probably a better match,but i always feared she would find out what i was really like and end up like my mother,father relationship where she used her social prowess to control him if u know what i mean.
I think it's natural in any long term relationship you will find peoples weaknesses and be able to exploit them if you are that way inclined,or maybe just it's a natural thing that most people do to assert control to get what they want.
My husband tries so hard to help me. He would do anything for me. Seriously. I don't know he he loves me so much!:eek: But I think he enables me to continue with this avoidance behavior. I just have to take it upon myself to push myself because he isn't one to push me. He is a caretaker, he would do it all if I asked him to. God bless him, I would never do that to him. I have too much respect for him and am not that kind of person.
Did you meet the mother of your boys over seas? You say you live together, but are you "together"?
 

darrens

Active member
#16
Yeah we are together just not married,i met her oversea's my social phobia i suppose is the reason i ended up oversea's running away maybe not sure.
I came back coz i wanted my family to meet my son's and get to know them,life would have been easier for me without kid's possibly,this is forcing me to confront this issue if i am going to have any chance of saving my son's from the same fate as me.
I keep thinking i have to do something but i'm not getting anywhere i have no money right now im sort of screwed, it is also impossible to find time with kid's,it seem's im destined to be like this so how does one cure oneself of this condition without help but i need to do something .I seen a course online for 100 dollar's or something i wonder is it any use doubtful i'd imagine
AI-Therapy | Overcome Social Anxiety | Sign up
Ever hear of this?
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#18
Went to the big 5th grade graduation tonight for my daughter. (Since when did that become a thing anyway?) I took some anxiety medicine before we left, can only imagine how bad it could have been if I hadn't taken it as I still was very uncomfortable. At first all I could think was about Sandy Hook and some dude with a rifle coming in and blowing us all away. Then I got beyond that scenario and worried that my kid didn't have any friends and watched how others reacted to her. It was like pulling teeth, it is every time, but I survived. I can't stand some of the other parents. Not sure if they can read that I'm uncomfortable or if I come across as cold, but they just keep their distance. It's okay because I think they are stuck up. In reality, it's probably me who is stuck up. I probably throw icy glances in defense, I don't know. All I know is that my husband is a God send because I didn't feel "okay" until I rejoined him in the seats. Why do I have to be like this?
 
#19
Went to the big 5th grade graduation tonight for my daughter. (Since when did that become a thing anyway?) I took some anxiety medicine before we left, can only imagine how bad it could have been if I hadn't taken it as I still was very uncomfortable. At first all I could think was about Sandy Hook and some dude with a rifle coming in and blowing us all away. Then I got beyond that scenario and worried that my kid didn't have any friends and watched how others reacted to her. It was like pulling teeth, it is every time, but I survived. I can't stand some of the other parents. Not sure if they can read that I'm uncomfortable or if I come across as cold, but they just keep their distance. It's okay because I think they are stuck up. In reality, it's probably me who is stuck up. I probably throw icy glances in defense, I don't know. All I know is that my husband is a God send because I didn't feel "okay" until I rejoined him in the seats. Why do I have to be like this?
I'm proud of you for making yourself go, looks as if you have a pair after all :D most of the time i can't stand other parents at my kids school either. I worry about stuff along the lines of Sandy Hook all the time, to such an extent that i got a concealed carry license and i use it. Maybe it wouldn't help, but it might. That's just what makes me feel better. I hate it that your child don't have friends, its painful to watch. My son don't either. I'm glad your husband helps like he does, he sounds like a good dude.
 

Lavinialuna

Well-known member
#20
Do you want to know what's sad? Holding the hand of my 3 year old makes me feel safer. It's like I suddenly have focus and a purpose. I don't know what I will do when they are all grown. I'll have no reason to stay sane.
Thanks JC, it was traumatic and I cried for like an hour before I went to bed, but it's sacrifices like this that mean so much to the kids. They will remember I was there. My balls may be there, but they are tiny:giggle:
About the Sandy Hook type threat, it struck me that my children face this kind of risk everyday. How can I send them into it? Why am I not home schooling? Why don't I move them to the middle of nowhere and just protect them until they are strong? But that can't be right. That would only groom them to be just like me. I fight my better judgement all the time, and I don't know if I'm doing right or not.
Watching my kids have trouble with making friends is like watching myself all over again. It brings up deep trauma and feelings of rejection. It's the hardest thing I have come across so far about parenting.
 
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