Paranoid about friends sometimes?

[JosephG]

Does anyone find they get paranoid about their friends sometimes? Like you can start to think they don't want to hang around with you any more because you are no fun or are boring them etc when it turns out that that is not the case.

Like sometimes I think that my friends are trying not to invite me to various social gatherings or are just generally trying to get rid of me. However this is usually not true and I find I am just being paranoid.

I think I get like this because I used to get bullied quite a bit and I find it hard to trust people. Especially as some of my friends are the ones who used to bully me. I also think it could be due to the fact that I have never been able to hold down long term friendships due to bullying or other reasons.

hmm

 

[deleted user 1]

It becomes more complicated when you do have disloyalty in the ranks. I had experienced this with one of my close friends nearly ten years ago. It only served to heighten my paranoia, and the rest is history. The fact that you've had friends hurt you doesn't help. The closer the people the harder it hits you. Just focus on what you know rather than what you do not. Easier said than done I know. But it just comes down to reading the situation as it is, as opposed to magically mapping out the unknown and being flat out wrong... again!

 

[chickenmaryjane]

I feel the same way. I'm often paranoid of my friend's motives. I know I have trust issues, but there is nothing I can do about it. Now I'm depressed.

 

[Phoenixx]

I sometimes get paranoid, especially after friendships start to drift. I tend to think that I'm the reason they don't want to hang out and it's because I'm too boring. I know this isn't the reason, but sometimes the thoughts just creep their way back into my mind.

I think I get like this because I used to get bullied quite a bit and I find it hard to trust people. Especially as some of my friends are the ones who used to bully me. I also think it could be due to the fact that I have never been able to hold down long term friendships due to bullying or other reasons.

^ This. This is exactly the reason for me too. I've been teased quite often since I was about 12/13. Since then, trusting people has always been quite a challenge for me. Some of my friends have been the ones who used to tease me too, and because of that, they only know about half of who I am. I can't even act totally like myself because I'm too afraid of what they'll say.

 

[superfluouslyme]

All the time. If I don't hear from my friends after a while, I automatically assume it's because they don't want to talk to me. To me, it couldn't possibly be that they have their own lives and problems. So I just text or email and ask what's up, just to keep in touch. I'm starting to think that if the few that have stuck around this long are still here, then we are good. We don't talk every day, but I try to keep in touch, if only to make sure that those bridges are still there.

 

[hoddesdon]

I find it amazing that anyone would want to be friends with someone who once harassed them, whatever form the harassment took.

 

[x000x]

I wouldn't say I get overly paranoid about the issue, but I definitely feel my friends leave me out of a lot of things. What really gets to me though is when one of my friends gets upset with me when I'm out doing an activity for the day with people and he has nothing to do, but he rarely invites me to hang out with him and do things and also never responds to my calls and texts asking him to hang out. I'm also moving pretty soon and the same friend seemed to take a very defensive position when I told some of my friends I was moving. I'm sure my other friends I haven't told yet will act the same way because that's how they are. It does upset me quite a bit when it seems that I'm being excluded from the group. Especially when they get together frequently, but sometimes it can be a couple weeks before one of them responds to me and wants to hang out.

 

[BleedTheFreak]

I'm surprised to read how alot of you had friends who teased you :/ Not sure how you could consider them friends, but I guess it depends on the context and how they say it. Playful teasing is pretty normal in any friendship (at least ones I've had) but are we talking direct insults here? :/ I know from my own experience that I take things way too personally even when I'm certain that I'm being teased in a joking manner, just to get a rise out of me. It doesn't matter though, probably because of how much I analyze the conversations that I have and end up thinking about it too much. As far as being paranoid goes, I definitely wondered (when I had several friends) if they really cared for my company or not. It stopped me from initiating as much, just to see if they'd still make an effort to contact me or ask if I wanna hang out. In most cases, they didn't :: but then I wonder, did they stop bothering with me because they never cared for me in the first place? Or did they stop because they thought I didn't want to be bothered after I kinda eased off on them? Things like this drive me crazy.

 

[deleted user 1]

I'm surprised to read how alot of you had friends who teased you :/ Not sure how you could consider them friends, but I guess it depends on the context and how they say it. Playful teasing is pretty normal in any friendship (at least ones I've had) but are we talking direct insults here? :/ I know from my own experience that I take things way too personally even when I'm certain that I'm being teased in a joking manner, just to get a rise out of me. It doesn't matter though, probably because of how much I analyze the conversations that I have and end up thinking about it too much. As far as being paranoid goes, I definitely wondered (when I had several friends) if they really cared for my company or not. It stopped me from initiating as much, just to see if they'd still make an effort to contact me or ask if I wanna hang out. In most cases, they didn't :: but then I wonder, did they stop bothering with me because they never cared for me in the first place? Or did they stop because they thought I didn't want to be bothered after I kinda eased off on them? Things like this drive me crazy.

Regarding hypersensitivity to criticism, I agree with you and can relate to that. But when coupled with friends who are very snake-like, things can get very quickly out of control. Not everyone is direct. I never suffered direct betrayal by the friends that I had. I think I would have handled that much better. When you have people treating you badly in a more indirect manner, it affects how you view everyone. I was a little over reactive, but not entirely for no reason, and it resulted in me rejecting everyone.

 

[twiggle]

I'm surprised to read how alot of you had friends who teased you :/ Not sure how you could consider them friends, but I guess it depends on the context and how they say it. Playful teasing is pretty normal in any friendship (at least ones I've had) but are we talking direct insults here? :/ I know from my own experience that I take things way too personally even when I'm certain that I'm being teased in a joking manner, just to get a rise out of me. It doesn't matter though, probably because of how much I analyze the conversations that I have and end up thinking about it too much. As far as being paranoid goes, I definitely wondered (when I had several friends) if they really cared for my company or not. It stopped me from initiating as much, just to see if they'd still make an effort to contact me or ask if I wanna hang out. In most cases, they didn't :: but then I wonder, did they stop bothering with me because they never cared for me in the first place? Or did they stop because they thought I didn't want to be bothered after I kinda eased off on them? Things like this drive me crazy.

They drive me crazy tooooo.

In the past and even now sometimes I take my foot off the pedal a bit and wait and see who comes to me but I don't like being that. I don't want to be the one who doesn't put the work in, even though the SA sometimes makes it hard to do so.

If your friends reciprocated your initiations then isn't that a good thing? If they didn't want to hang out with you then they wouldn't have. But since you stopped - maybe its just that they're lazy, or perhaps they think, "BleedTheFreak normally always asks to hang out, but now he/she has stopped. Maybe he/she doesn't want to hang out anymore". Unfortunately in the past I've been the person who doesn't get in touch because I'm so used to other people getting in touch with me first and so I think that if they stop then its because they don't care about me anymore. It hasn't gone unnoticed hence wanting to change my ways now.

We don't know, and yes its incredibly annoying. But I think the solution is by asking yourself, "What kind of a friend do I want to be?". And then be the 'good friend' that you ask others to be for you. Forget about mind games and just be pure and reciprocate any attention that others give you and get on with things.

I know what you mean about analysing conversations. That is the thing that disturbs me the most. Eurgh. I still remember exact sentences.... and still try and figure them out....

 

[BleedTheFreak]

They drive me crazy tooooo.

In the past and even now sometimes I take my foot off the pedal a bit and wait and see who comes to me but I don't like being that. I don't want to be the one who doesn't put the work in, even though the SA sometimes makes it hard to do so.

If your friends reciprocated your initiations then isn't that a good thing? If they didn't want to hang out with you then they wouldn't have. But since you stopped - maybe its just that they're lazy, or perhaps they think, "BleedTheFreak normally always asks to hang out, but now he/she has stopped. Maybe he/she doesn't want to hang out anymore". Unfortunately in the past I've been the person who doesn't get in touch because I'm so used to other people getting in touch with me first and so I think that if they stop then its because they don't care about me anymore. It hasn't gone unnoticed hence wanting to change my ways now.

We don't know, and yes its incredibly annoying. But I think the solution is by asking yourself, "What kind of a friend do I want to be?". And then be the 'good friend' that you ask others to be for you. Forget about mind games and just be pure and reciprocate any attention that others give you and get on with things.

I know what you mean about analysing conversations. That is the thing that disturbs me the most. Eurgh. I still remember exact sentences.... and still try and figure them out....

Well that's the thing, more and more I began to wonder if they really wanted me around and if they were saying yes just to be nice and reduce any weirdness (like having to see someone in school almost every day after you've rejected them). I think I developed SA around 14/15 years old, and this happened over the course of the next year or so after that (feels like forever ago now). I swear back then I'd get myself so twisted and paranoid about how my friends felt about me I'd convince myself that they were babysitting me or something, like I didn't belong and they only tolerated me because I'm basically an anti-confrontational person and too quiet and boring to even be an annoyance. I think laziness had something to do with why they kinda gave up on me, as well as them thinking I didn't want to be around them anymore. I hate feeling like I need someone to show interest first in order to be comfortable, but that mindset has been stuck in my head for a long time.

Thanks for responding, you're totally right. Alot of this is just the result of overthinking and making things way more complicated than they need to be. I wish the mind had a reset button lol, because doubting myself has become routine and it never goes away.

 

[SPV]

Been a while since I had friends. I wasn't that close with the ones I had before so, I did suspect that they were more than likely to ignore me one day and I'm not too fearful about it because I don't even care that much about them. I do suffer terribly from rejection and that is what I was anticipating more at that point. I find it rather funny that even though I know I'm gonna be rejected I'm still fearful of the thought that I'm going to be or even experiencing it. Ah well, I guess if I had a real friend I'd be as paranoid yeah.