Ow! I am getting pinched a lot-- OCD issue

[igetpinched]

Hi all-

I joined this forum to try and get some insight on the ocd issue by boyfriend has, and also for my personal interest (I have panic disorder and general anxiety).

Anyway, I started dating this guy a few months ago. He told me that he pinched previously girlfriends in the past (and his mother as a child)... and that it was a very bad habit. Well, I believe it's more than a habit (obviously). He is obsessed with pinching, especially cold skin (yes rather strange)... it's a satisfaction when he does it.

The only reason I see it being an "issue" is because it really hurts sometimes. I wouldn't call it abuse, but it is very aggravating. Especially weird pinching the hell out of me in public.

He has been pinching since he was a baby (started with his moms earlobes) and he said she did punish him for it as a child... so that kinda threw out my theory that was conditioned that it was okay. He said that it has become progressively worse over the past 3 years.



Any thoughts?

 

[k123dave]

I think when he does it, he wants a reaction, and thus attention.
I would take him to one side, make sure he has no distractions (music, tv etc). Hold both of his hands firmly in yours, look into his eyes, and say slowly and carefully, but with firm force:
"Please stop pinching me as it is annoying me"
See what his reaction is; if he laughs he has not taken it seriously enough and needs to be told again, so try to. If he agrees not to say "thank you, I appreciate it" and smile at him, maybe even give him a hug.
If he continues to do it, every time he does repeat the above.
Hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

 

[Noca]

Maybe get him to go to see a psychologist and deal with his compulsions?

 

[Devrium]

I would just pinch him back...

 

[igetpinched]

I think when he does it, he wants a reaction, and thus attention.
I would take him to one side, make sure he has no distractions (music, tv etc). Hold both of his hands firmly in yours, look into his eyes, and say slowly and carefully, but with firm force:
"Please stop pinching me as it is annoying me"
See what his reaction is; if he laughs he has not taken it seriously enough and needs to be told again, so try to. If he agrees not to say "thank you, I appreciate it" and smile at him, maybe even give him a hug.
If he continues to do it, every time he does repeat the above.
Hope this helps, and best of luck to you.

Wow.. that's so simple and so true.. the attention is what is really making his pinching increase.... thank you. It really takes someone outside of the situation to look in to see what's under the surface.



Noca, I wish we could afford to take him to see a psychologist.


...and, Devrium, I've pinched him back.. and that def doesn't unenforce the behavior, lol.

 

[Rockhopper]

You could try not giving him the attention. If possible ignore the negative and praise the positive. If he pinches you, walk away for a few mins then return without saying anything. Do this every time. If he goes a certain amount of time without pinching you reward him with a thank you for not pinching and a hug, kiss etc. I actually got this tip of training boyfriends from a story about an animal trainer who tried it on her husband with his bad habits.

Alternatively I do think telling him in a forceful way might help. My obsession was with asking my boyfriend questions. However, when he got sick of it, he'd get angry or annoyed with me which made me more tentative in asking anything and I really tried to stop as I knew how much it was annoying him.

 

[igetpinched]

You could try not giving him the attention. If possible ignore the negative and praise the positive. If he pinches you, walk away for a few mins then return without saying anything. Do this every time. If he goes a certain amount of time without pinching you reward him with a thank you for not pinching and a hug, kiss etc. I actually got this tip of training boyfriends from a story about an animal trainer who tried it on her husband with his bad habits.

Alternatively I do think telling him in a forceful way might help. My obsession was with asking my boyfriend questions. However, when he got sick of it, he'd get angry or annoyed with me which made me more tentative in asking anything and I really tried to stop as I knew how much it was annoying him.

Thank you for the advice.

I have found though that he does not seem to do it for attention. I've tried conditioning him and praising him when he stops for a short period of time.. but no avail.

He really does get some kind of weird sensation/satisfaction when he pinches cold skin. It's really interesting. It's like a synapse in his brain (?) that feels good to him?

It's really odd. But when I ignore him for a long amount of time he doesn't stop. He even told me he doesn't care if I react or not.

 

[Silvox Black]

I believe this could be a sort of attention ploy or perhaps an attempt at control? Or it may simply be positive reinforcement that he receives the desired reaction from his "pinchee". I would suggest ignoring it, or attempting to find some way to reason with him and help him gain insight into why he does what he does. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a very effective form of treatment for OCD if nothing else is successful.

 

[Rockhopper]

Does he get the same satisfaction by pinching himself? Suggest he does that. If it's hurting you I'd really be putting my foot down about it.

 

[dooby-duck]

Is it an OCD compulsion or a tic. Tic disorders and autism do sometimes have pinching as a tic. I think it depends on the feeling it satisfies. In tic disorders the tic can relieve a feeling like a tension ( like scratching an itch). The other type seems to be to satisfy a need that gives pleasure. It's something worth looking into anyway.

 

[mrb]

nothing a good slap round the face wouldnt sort out lol he wouldnt do it again ::

 

[Rockhopper]

I'd probably do that!