oh man, it happend again

[lonely_drummer]

Well, I played a show tonight with the band and it went really well. The place was pretty cool, had a great sound system and everything really sounded good. Also we were playing for an environmental fundraiser dealio, so that was pretty sweet too. So anywho, usually before we play sets, I get really nervous and anxious and I try really hard to just chill out however once we start playing all the anxiety is gone and Im able to enjoy being on stage. I remember trying to tune the guitar at first and I couldnt stop shaking, happens all the time and then I was fine once we all played. So we played and all was good and we finished and this is usually when the anxiety really kicks in. So I get off stage and was just going to wait to check out the other bands. Then fans and people all start to come around saying it was a good set and thats great and all but I just felt so suffocated. And then my bass player comes over and tells me that a guy from a local magazine wanted to interview us and then I freaked out and just bailed. I just up and left the place and got in my car and drove home and thats not the first time this has happend. I know, it sounds horrible and completely ridiculous. And as Im driving home my bass player phones me asking where I went and the band knows about my SA and are really cool about it and I just told him that I couldnt handle it, I just had to leave and he understood which I really appreciate. However I just feel like total crap, I feel like I abandon them whenever I do this and then I just feel guilty. This is exactly how I feel right now, I feel guilty, for letting them down. I dont know what else to say, I just feel like sh!t

 

[friendchen]

I'm just wondering what makes you feel that way..I know its because of your SA..but I mean the cause of it.. Its because of interviewers or questions or camera lights or self-consciousness or or something????

I think once you can find the reason...you can see a way to overcome it..

 

[mrb]

if your band mates know about your sa and there ok with it then its all good isnt it , i mean your lucky to have understanding mates , i wouldnt worry about it to much , as serafina said there are lots of musicians out there that hate the limelight ... there is 1 famous musician who never gives interviews , i cant think of his name at mo ... but my point is your not alone , think of it this way if you lot become famous , it will just add a little more mystery to you lol , the famous guitar player who never gives interviews lol

 

[lonely_drummer]

Thanks guys for your responses. I had a good night sleep to just let things sink in. I think its more or so that I just let myself down for the most part. I been really trying to work at my problems for the last few months and I felt as if I was on a roll. I was just working on small things like asking strangers for directions and trying really hard to make small talk at a grocery stores and slowly I been feeling a little better. I've even answered my phone a few times when the caller ID said Unknown Caller and thats something I've never been able to do. I guess it was just that I've been feeling on the rise lately and then things just came crashing down yesterday for the first time in a while and it just threw me off guard. I dont see interviews being something I'll be able to handle in the near future, so maybe I will just take your advice mrb and just stick with being the mysterious guitarist lol. And thanks again guys for listening and giving your advice, this site has literally saved my life. All of you on here are great and amazing people with kind and caring hearts, definitely a rarity in todays society.

 

[mrb]

ill expect a copy of your cd when you become famous mate signed by the mysterious guitarist lol .......

 

[lonely_drummer]

ill expect a copy of your cd when you become famous mate signed by the mysterious guitarist lol .......

hahaha, consider it done

 

[Predacon]

I'd say you probably used up your people quotient for the day. Performing live would use up a lot of energy and after that you probably wouldn't expect to be in the limelight again so the interview was probably a bridge too far for that night.

 

[Tiercel]

One word: Buckethead. You need not talk to anyone. I mean, talk about issues....

Congrats for being able to play the show, though. Don't feel too bad because you were ambushed by some local reporter. So you freaked out and ran away. Aren't musicians supposed to be a weird and finicky bunch anyway?

At least now you know what to shoot for after your next show. Just try to hang out and not run away. Even if it makes you feel like crap, it won't be as bad as VROOOOM! You could try to stay friendly, but aloof. Just keep some distance between yourself and the other people. Or sit down with a drink (beer, soda, water, whatever) and just tell yourself "I'm not moving until the last band has played!" Imagine you are a king, and everyone in the place is there solely for your amusement.

And if that still isn't enough to keep you there, give a friend your keys and just get hammered. It won't help much with the anxiety, but at least you won't be able to drive away.


Also, at least you're in a band, playing shows in public. I've always been to afraid to do that. And the Buckethead link is for those who might not know who he is; as a musician, I'm assuming you've at least heard about him.

 

[friendchen]

hahaha, consider it done

I want one too ..I really like music and if you can post one of your best songs here ..that would be really really really super cool

PS..you know what..you're much more superior to the reporters..coz you're a star and they're just ordinary people trying to get a piece of you..

And people do feel uneasy when they're around some people who're better than them....And you ARE better than the reporters..

So when you're feeling uneasy around them..maybe they're feeling the same way too..who know eh??

PPS..And mysterious guitarist sounds really cool too..ha ha

 

[lonely_drummer]

hmmm I really feel for you. I know what you are going through. I used to play guitar in bands but quit 'cause I hated playing in front of people. I love music but decided that all I wanted to do was play for myself. I used to totally freak out when you get the muso types at gigs... you know the ones... they refuse to get into the music and they just stand there with their arms crossed watching every note you play... actually that what I used to do to other guitarists too!!!
That was about 10 years ago now ... Back then I felt like such a failure for giving up. I knew nothing about SA back then.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know you are a legend for sticking at it. Just getting through a gig is a milestone for you. You will get the occasional slip especially when things like the reporter come unexpected and your not mentally prepared for it. Thats a hard one to cope with so dont beat yourself up too much on it.

Keep rockin'

Hey, thanks a lot. It's pretty exhausting playing shows, not physically, but mentally, but its kind of a rush too. And hey, don't beat yourself up for "giving up". You're still involved and still playing. I always say, you're either listening to or playing the music, but eithery way you're still connected to the music and a part of it. Plus you're keeping to the key role in music, making it for yourself and thats the key. Music is so personal and it should fulfill you before inspiring someone else. You always have to dig your own music before playing it for someone else, if you're just playing to make money or playing the music you think will be the most popular isnt true music.

 

[shredman]

And hey, don't beat yourself up for "giving up". You're still involved and still playing. I always say, you're either listening to or playing the music, but eithery way you're still connected to the music and a part of it.

Thanks mate ... yeah it will always be a part on my life