Oh just shut up, brain!

[twiggle]

So I'm sat here on a Sunday afternoon with the sun shining, a bit of reggae music on, glass of orange juice and am just browsing the internet when all of a sudden, I read a sentence somewhere that triggers a vivid memory of something that somebody said to me on FB chat several months ago, that I didn't understand and spent a lot of time painstakingly trying to work out, naturally assuming that it was an insult.

My jolly, Summery mood is suddenly transported back to that afternoon and then, like a sudden shower of rain, back come the memories of various other things that have made me paranoid over the past few months. As a result I'm thinking about things from different chapters of the past and finding new meanings for them - mainly these are things that people said (or didn't say) or facial expressions I noted.

I've noticed that one of the main characteristics of my anxiety is the tendency to be extremely paranoid and over-analytical of things and it makes it very difficult for me to trust people. I am always assuming that people dislike me (apart from my closest friends) and as a result I don't really bother that much with new people because I just assume that they have more interesting people to talk to.

People say not to think the worst and I try not to. I'm generally a lot better than I was a few months ago, but still I have the dilemma - is it better to be like this, or just never worry at all and consequently become in danger of living under the false pretense of naivety?

I find that the busier I am, the less I think and analyse stuff. But its impossible to be busy all the time and especially since I'm unemployed with no money and living in a new town with like, 1 friend (haha) who is local, I've got a lot of time to be thinking.

I was wondering if anybody else ever felt like this, or had any tips on how to put a cork in this bottle? I've looked at CBT but to be honest... I find it makes me think more... and I want to think less.

& Happy Sunday SPW

 

[DeadmanWalking]

For your rehashing, I would suggest finding some form of closure to it because it sounds like you haven't found any yet. Don't let it bother you so much. However you choose to take it, be resolved in that view and let it roll off of your back; the person who said it is very unlikely to meet you and even if they do, they've probably already long since forgotten about it and they don't know what you look like (I'm assuming you don't have any pictures of yourself on your page). If they've forgotten it, you should too.

As a person who has social anxiety, we typically tend to have "thinker" personalities, it's in our nature. So, try not to think about what's going on behind the scenes so much; instead, spend one part of your brain on staying in the "social world," and the rest on what makes you happy. For example, a favorite TV show, book, movie, stuff like that. That way, you don't give yourself any time to get paranoid and you come up with possible conversation material! Make sure you propagate that other side of you by getting involved in your hobbies, like going to a nearby library, watching TV, and, when you get your job, you'll have another thing to think about.

But, yes, I do go through the same things you go through (except for the friends part, I don't have those). It's torture and the worst part is we're the ones torturing ourselves! But, as the song says, "Don't worry; be happy!" Hopefully I've helped in some way!

 

[SeniorRedrings]

Hey,just to let you know,if I'm nice to you it's because I feel like being genuinely nice,and I can be plenty nasty if I want to be so I think that means my niceness means something.

We all have these thoughts don't we?

My opinion is,people who are sarcastically and insincerely nice as a way to abuse another,they're impotent scum who are not only sharing a private joke with themselves (how sad,forever alone,lol!) but they're dead inside.

Purge your mind of these negative thoughts please.

 

[MrJones]

Think less? Nooo, I like the way you think, you can keep thinking a lot but trying to focus on other things! Sometimes it's hard to keep busy aaaaall the time, but have you tried about other mental challenges? Write a novel, I dare you :: Try to find something like this, something you can do and that keeps your mind busy, while doing something you enjoy.

Plus, if you have your friends, your friends like you, why can't new people like you too? Why you say they must have more interesting people to talk to? I know you, you're really interesting, and for what you say, much more than you think.


My mind (a for a lot of people here too, for what I know) tends to overthink everthing, always, a lot XD
It's the way we work, I guess, I always think that everyone dislikes me and even that they hate me.

Overthinking is bad, veeery bad. And it can lead to much worse things. So, in my opinion, when you start thinking too much you should try to focus on something else, start searching possibilities and see what works for you.

And happy Sunday for you too!

 

[twiggle]

For your rehashing, I would suggest finding some form of closure to it because it sounds like you haven't found any yet. Don't let it bother you so much. However you choose to take it, be resolved in that view and let it roll off of your back; the person who said it is very unlikely to meet you and even if they do, they've probably already long since forgotten about it and they don't know what you look like (I'm assuming you don't have any pictures of yourself on your page). If they've forgotten it, you should too.

As a person who has social anxiety, we typically tend to have "thinker" personalities, it's in our nature. So, try not to think about what's going on behind the scenes so much; instead, spend one part of your brain on staying in the "social world," and the rest on what makes you happy. For example, a favorite TV show, book, movie, stuff like that. That way, you don't give yourself any time to get paranoid and you come up with possible conversation material! Make sure you propagate that other side of you by getting involved in your hobbies, like going to a nearby library, watching TV, and, when you get your job, you'll have another thing to think about.

But, yes, I do go through the same things you go through (except for the friends part, I don't have those). It's torture and the worst part is we're the ones torturing ourselves! But, as the song says, "Don't worry; be happy!" Hopefully I've helped in some way!

Thanks, you're right! Though actually the conversation was on FB with somebody I know and have met many times...I have spoken to the person many times since yet even still I'll think about what was said that particular time. That's what makes this so annoying and stupid of me haha. But I think you're right about closure. Perhaps I need to ask them outright what they meant when they said it.
And I love your point about focusing on things that make me happy. I've been watching a lot of Asian cinema lately, it's my new little craze, and reading more books and they're helping to plug the thoughts so you're right. Thanks, you certainly DID help!!

Hey,just to let you know,if I'm nice to you it's because I feel like being genuinely nice,and I can be plenty nasty if I want to be so I think that means my niceness means something.

We all have these thoughts don't we?

My opinion is,people who are sarcastically and insincerely nice as a way to abuse another,they're impotent scum who are not only sharing a private joke with themselves (how sad,forever alone,lol!) but they're dead inside.

Purge your mind of these negative thoughts please.

False people are indeed what make it hard. All it takes is meeting one false person to then question everybody. It's not fair and it shouldn't be like that, but I guess to someone with S.A, it just is ::

Thanks for the tips!

 

[twiggle]

Think less? Nooo, I like the way you think, you can keep thinking a lot but trying to focus on other things! Sometimes it's hard to keep busy aaaaall the time, but have you tried about other mental challenges? Write a novel, I dare you :: Try to find something like this, something you can do and that keeps your mind busy, while doing something you enjoy.

Plus, if you have your friends, your friends like you, why can't new people like you too? Why you say they must have more interesting people to talk to? I know you, you're really interesting, and for what you say, much more than you think.


My mind (a for a lot of people here too, for what I know) tends to overthink everthing, always, a lot XD
It's the way we work, I guess, I always think that everyone dislikes me and even that they hate me.

Overthinking is bad, veeery bad. And it can lead to much worse things. So, in my opinion, when you start thinking too much you should try to focus on something else, start searching possibilities and see what works for you.

And happy Sunday for you too!

Thank you Jonesey, that's some great advice there
Usually writing my Blog helps but... I don't always have something to write about haha. Maybe I should try a novel.
I just wish there was some kind of brain-swat we could buy. Like a fly-swat. But much more useful haha.

 

[MrJones]

Thank you Jonesey, that's some great advice there
Usually writing my Blog helps but... I don't always have something to write about haha. Maybe I should try a novel.
I just wish there was some kind of brain-swat we could buy. Like a fly-swat. But much more useful haha.

You can buy a brain-swat, it's called TV (and Internet too but shhhh don't tell)

And..... delete your facebook, fb is evil


The novel was just an example, though. The thing is to find something you like and spend more time with it, but it means lots of tries until you find something you can actually use as time-killer and maybe, with luck and time, convert it to something more important.

I'm working on it myself

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

So I'm sat here on a Sunday afternoon with the sun shining, a bit of reggae music on, glass of orange juice and am just browsing the internet when all of a sudden, I read a sentence somewhere that triggers a vivid memory of something that somebody said to me on FB chat several months ago, that I didn't understand and spent a lot of time painstakingly trying to work out, naturally assuming that it was an insult.

My jolly, Summery mood is suddenly transported back to that afternoon and then, like a sudden shower of rain, back come the memories of various other things that have made me paranoid over the past few months. As a result I'm thinking about things from different chapters of the past and finding new meanings for them - mainly these are things that people said (or didn't say) or facial expressions I noted.

I can definitely empathise with this. It's like a mental house of cards. One paranoid thought about a single thing that someone did or said is like pulling a card out from the middle of the structure, and the whole lot comes tumbling down. One thought suddenly becomes an avalanche of thoughts tumbling through my mind. ::

I've noticed that one of the main characteristics of my anxiety is the tendency to be extremely paranoid and over-analytical of things and it makes it very difficult for me to trust people. I am always assuming that people dislike me (apart from my closest friends) and as a result I don't really bother that much with new people because I just assume that they have more interesting people to talk to.

Well as someone who has talked to you quite a bit over the last few months, I can tell you that isn't true. I know it's hard to accept that when your brain seems so intent on feeding you paranoid thoughts.

People say not to think the worst and I try not to. I'm generally a lot better than I was a few months ago, but still I have the dilemma - is it better to be like this, or just never worry at all and consequently become in danger of living under the false pretense of naivety?

That's a really good point. The attitude of never worrying at all is a very tempting one to adopt, but it does bring its own problems. I'm sure we all know people who are the exact opposite of social phobia sufferers, and who are completely unaware of when they annoying everyone around them. I cringe every time I encounter a situation like that. It seems so hard to find a middle ground, where you're not constantly overanalysing other people's reactions, but you're still aware enough of those reactions to modify your own behaviour if needed.

I find that the busier I am, the less I think and analyse stuff. But its impossible to be busy all the time and especially since I'm unemployed with no money and living in a new town with like, 1 friend (haha) who is local, I've got a lot of time to be thinking.

I find this too. It's like my brain has a prioritising system. If I have a lot of other issues to deal with, the anxiety issues get pushed down the priority queue and sometimes I'm hardly even aware of them. But when I have nothing else to worry about, my brain will escalate those same anxiety issues to top priority, and I can't seem to focus on anything else.

I was wondering if anybody else ever felt like this, or had any tips on how to put a cork in this bottle? I've looked at CBT but to be honest... I find it makes me think more... and I want to think less.

& Happy Sunday SPW

I share your concerns about CBT. It does seem to focus on analysing yourself more, which makes me wonder if it would only make the problem worse. A lot of people do seem to have great success with it though.

Happy Sunday to you too. Pour yourself another glass of orange juice, and try to enjoy what's probably going to be the last sunshine we get until next Spring.

 

[kilojoule]

soduko, tetris, solitaire, crosswords anything haha and I do all of the above while watching t.v. / spw-ing. It takes a lot to distract my brain. I can't just watch tv, I have to paint my nails while doing a crossword while watching tvand playing tetris haha. Brain's are annoying Happy Sunday twiggle

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

So I'm sat here on a Sunday afternoon with the sun shining, a bit of reggae music on, glass of orange juice and am just browsing the internet when all of a sudden, I read a sentence somewhere that triggers a vivid memory of something that somebody said to me on FB chat several months ago, that I didn't understand and spent a lot of time painstakingly trying to work out, naturally assuming that it was an insult.

My jolly, Summery mood is suddenly transported back to that afternoon and then, like a sudden shower of rain, back come the memories of various other things that have made me paranoid over the past few months. As a result I'm thinking about things from different chapters of the past and finding new meanings for them - mainly these are things that people said (or didn't say) or facial expressions I noted.

I've noticed that one of the main characteristics of my anxiety is the tendency to be extremely paranoid and over-analytical of things and it makes it very difficult for me to trust people. I am always assuming that people dislike me (apart from my closest friends) and as a result I don't really bother that much with new people because I just assume that they have more interesting people to talk to.

People say not to think the worst and I try not to. I'm generally a lot better than I was a few months ago, but still I have the dilemma - is it better to be like this, or just never worry at all and consequently become in danger of living under the false pretense of naivety?

I find that the busier I am, the less I think and analyse stuff. But its impossible to be busy all the time and especially since I'm unemployed with no money and living in a new town with like, 1 friend (haha) who is local, I've got a lot of time to be thinking.

I was wondering if anybody else ever felt like this, or had any tips on how to put a cork in this bottle? I've looked at CBT but to be honest... I find it makes me think more... and I want to think less.

& Happy Sunday SPW

I'm the same way. But our perceptions of ourselves and of others and our interactions with the world is biased; we're seeing through a big tinted filter of rose-colored muck. Or opposite of rose-colored I should say =D Poop colored glasses that dirty and darken our outlook (not that you want this imagery =D Now NEITHER glasses are really good to look through - rose-colored is the nativity you discuss - and the poop color is our biased perceptions with years of esteem issues, negative self-talk, paranoia, SA, AvPD, etc all mixing and being yuck.

Being active and busy I think is vital for anyone - our types of brains especially - it's the kind of the Hamlet effect. That doesn't mean to think LESS; but what TYPE of thinking to do LESS. That's the difference. That's what CBT really teaches or I take away from it - to be aware of the good vs bad thoughts and control those thoughts and patterns. Sure - you think MORE to fix the lenses on your mental glasses for your brain to see a more balanced. "realistic" filter.

And life's not linear - when things are going honky dory someone or something will throw or drop a tomato on your head. And make you stop and go back to the "not so jolly times". this is the hardest for me - I don't have that solid foundation and strong wall to hold through those invasions of depression/bad memories/feelings. But we all can get those walls reinforced and foundations solidified.

And my own dilemma is doing that - it's hard. But anyways - ride our this wave - you will... and whatever the FB thing - you have REAL friends you KNOW you said trust and etc. I don't know this person but whatever they said or you think they did or expressed facially that hurts or get you down but they're wrong I thinks - let it go =D (easier said than done, sure!)

Hope you feel better, Twiggy!

 

[twiggle]

Thank you all for your the tips and advice. You're all right. It's just trying to find that moment to draw the line under it all.
I have a terrible tendency to overthink and jump to all kinds of conclusions about things. And then I act according to that. I think today I unintentionally offended somebody by trying to do the right thing in my head. When maybe it was unnecessary. I assumed somebody was going to be annoyed about something and so I told them outright about what had happened and now I think they're wondering, "why did she tell me that?". See. It's all stupid stuff.
I really can't explain this any more clearly. Wish I could just empty my head and give it a good old clean out.
I'm just really awkward sometimes without even meaning to be

 

[coyote]

who is Brian, anyway?

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

who is Brian, anyway?

The big headed one.

 

[Kiwong]

My brain is exactly like that it won't shut up. The trouble with me is that some people have said and done unkind things to me. Some of the things that happened to me damaged me so much that I get so paranioid that i think ever whisper and every laugh is directed at me.

I really found some sessions of practising relaxation techniques, deep breathing and mindfullness helpful. I should do it more often, I stopped once the therapist left the practice. As monetioned above distractions are good mine are running and photography. When I run and race I forget about everything else and focus on those worlds.

What I also find useful is really tuning into my brain. It is like an out of tune radio with a million thoughts going off. When I really tune into it I find that a suprising amount of constructive thoughts are getting through. I write them down and I find that they can help.

 

[TheRadicalAnxiousLefty]

I've noticed that one of the main characteristics of my anxiety is the tendency to be extremely paranoid and over-analytical of things and it makes it very difficult for me to trust people. I am always assuming that people dislike me (apart from my closest friends) and as a result I don't really bother that much with new people because I just assume that they have more interesting people to talk to.

I am EX-AC-T-LY the same! It's getting to the point that I sometimes assume even my two friends in my home country town hate me and don't want to hang out with me.

And, just like you, terrible, AWFUL memories can be triggered in my brain just from reading a certain word or looking at a certain picture. Memories which are literally so mortifying, that all my facial muscles instinctively scrunch up from the pain of re-imagining them. Then horrible thoughts follow on from those memories, like: "You'll never change. You are forever destined to be socially awkward and make stupid gaffes like that, until the day you die."