Newbie would appreciate some advice

[Yiddo81]

Hi,

I am new to this site and actually very new to the term 'social phobia' after only really learning about it tonight. I think I have a mild case of social phobia and would like some advice on how best I can deal with it.

I've always been a fairly shy person but with a fair bit of confidence in that I could hold a chat with a person or group without thinking twice about it. However, I would say in the last year I have turned into this nervous wreck for no apparent reason. I'm a 25 year old male by the way.

I work in a customer facing position where I have people visit my desk on a regular occasion and I often get red faced and feel myself getting embarrassed for no reason. I get horribly anxious when it comes to group interaction such as team meetings and keep the focus on me down to a complete minimum as I don’t like it when the spotlight is on me.
It's gradually got worse and worse to the point where I feel nervous about family meals incase anyone asks me a question where everyone might look at me and see me go all red faced. This really upsets me inside because I can’t even hold a normal conversation with the people that I love without the excruciating worry of getting embarrassed. It plays on my mind all the time about anything and I often try to get out of invitations to things that I would previously have attended just because I worry about friends and family seeing me as a nervous wreck.

The strange thing is that I am very happily married, have a great house which I own, a loving family and a good job yet this phobia bites in to me like you wouldn’t believe. I am the best man at a wedding this summer and the thought of me standing up to make a speech in front of loads of people petrifies me.

I would really appreciate any advice on how best to beat this. I haven’t been to a doctor but to be honest don’t fancy going to see one or a shrink or anything like that. Any medication, media, or ideas that you have would really help me.

Many Thanks
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[crazyfairyx]

Hey and welcome to the site

The problem with SA is that there is no known definate cure, people often just try different methods to see which best help them individually.

I haven't tried meds, so I can't really help you there, but I'm sure someone else will be able to advise you with that.

There's lots of literature you can read, and audio tapes and so on that can boost your confidence, you can google them, or if you look through previous threads here there's often links to books and tapes that have helped other members.

Have you considered CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) I've heard that it's really helpful for some people, it does mean you'd have to go to the doctor to ask you to refer you to them however.

Some people find that accupuncture and other forms of 'alternative' methods help, or teaching yourself muscle relaxation methods.

I'm personally relying on self help methods, because I don't want to take meds, and CBT ect aren't widely available in my area, I find that controlling my thought patterns and putting my fear into perspective help me greatly, and I only experience intense anxiety in situations I'm not used to now, I'm okay with college and day to day life usually, for now anyway lol.

Feel free to ask more questions about SA and ways of healing, someone else will most likely be able to answer your questions if I can't

Naomi

 

[HELLO]

welcome to the forum too.

Was there one defining moment, situation or event that you think contributed to or caused your social phobia?

 

[Yiddo81]

Many thanks for all your replies, i really appreciate the advice and for making me feel very welcome.

I guess i dont really want to go and see a doctor because of the embarrassment factor. I always thought doctors at local surgeries as people who try to fix physical problems rather than mental one's and highly suspect that all i will get out of it is a refferal to a shrink which isnt what i want.

I'm not sure about a defining moment but strongly recall an event which definately started me thinking a lot more about my situation. I was round a friends house with my wife and was telling them a story - Halfway through the story i could feel myself going red faced and getting all flustered and then had to stop, feeling really embarrassed. I just dreaded what they must have thought and wanted to curl up in a corner.

I'm quite confused on what to do at the moment. I know it's wrong of me to be negative to a possible solution but i really wouln't feel comfortable going to a support group even though everyone would be in the same boat as me. I guess i was hoping that there would be this miracle pill available which i could take that would solve all the problems but reality is that i am going to have to go out, see people and explain my situation to get the help that i need.

I'm going to have a good look through the site and see what has worked for other people. I should have done that at the very beginning really but just wanted to write down how i was feeling. It's sad to know so many people have this phobia but also quite comforting.