new here with a problem

[doubleM]

hey im new here. ive suffered from social phobia my whole life. also depression and anxiety. im 29, single, no kids, in college. ive had things generally under control for a few years, until recently some crap happened that really set it off. this girl bailed on me on a date. then the next week another bailed on me. ive had alot of trouble talking to women. i also had problems with some coworkers. people just suck period. im old enough to the point i dont want to deal with this stuff anymore.

ive been having these same problems since i was a teenager. i dont understand people. ive had alot of jobs...its not because i did a bad job, its because i got frustrated and quit because someone was always making trouble for me. when someone comes in who is intelligent and works hard, they just want to tear you down and backstab.

i guess the worst thing that i feel is feeling like a failure and the unbearable grief of it. feeling completely alone. im good at alot of things, but i cant act right in front of people. that torments me and i cant find an answer as to why. i want something to make it go away but that wont happen. its like its hardwired in me. i never feel any peace of mind about myself.

anyway i feel that people dont respect me. now im mostly at home alone thinking. suicide has really crossed my mind but i have not actually contemplated it. im tired of this same crap over and over. when i think about my life i see the same old patterns. i thought about moving out for college but thats difficult.
for me giving up is harder than trying. i could off myself now, or i can stay in school, make a better life, and try to meet some better people.
but the pain and loneliness is unbearable.::

 

[Sial Axetder]

Not alone, we've all got a problem or two or three.

I'm rather accepting of the loneliness most times. Gives time to relax away from people.

If it is respect you want, need. Right now I respect. You came here and said what needed to be said.

From what I have read, correct me if incorrect, you are a quiet individual.

What is acting right in front of people?

 

[Feathers]

Hey doubleM, welcome here!

You are 29, in college and working - you have a lot going for you!

Dating troubles together with work troubles can really suck - been there too!! (It's just stressful: work troubles can make you not such-a-fun person to be with on dates, and dating troubles can cause you to be stressed and not be 100% at work too..)

Well, you're still young, and a lot of good things can still happen!
Just these 2 girls bailing out - what if they were really horrible people who would divorce you in a few years and suck you dry?

Or if they were really nice people but you just wouldn't 'click' right, and in a year or two you'd meet someone you'd click with better and your girlfriend/wife would be pregnant and you'd feel tied down?
Just things to consider...

It can actually be a GOOD thing if things don't work out, even though it feels really really horrible at the time.. (And like you're the last single person on Earth.. Well, I am too lol, and there's a couple of us here and elsewhere.. Some really cool and nice people that I just can't imagine why they're single, but they are..)

You can take the time to read some books on relationships or on communication or even on how to survive work politics or get a cool next job...

About peace of mind, this can be related to nutrition and exercise and possibly food with omega3 (tuna?) or magnesium could help?

If you're intelligent and work hard, yup, some people in some jobs may feel threatened.. On the other hand, you can find better jobs where you will feel more appreciated. (Happened to Mum's coworker's husband - he earns way more now too!!)

Working and studying can be hard, and I really ADMIRE you for what you are doing. Hope things get better soon!!

 

[Ignace]

A lot of us feel like that, you're not alone ! You can always contact me if u wanna talk or something. And I'm sure you can talk with everyone on this forum, we're all one.
Welcome to the forum.

 

[coyote]

Hi! Welcome to the forum.

 

[dottie]

hi double. geez you sound so much like me. i understand your despair and disdain for the the game. not all females are evil like that. it sounds like you had an unfortunate bad streak. please don't harm yourself. now you have a place where you fit in. here!

 

[fitftw]

welcome, it's like I'm the 26 year old version of you...just imagine that the pain and loneliness aren't really there. You control your emotions. Distract yourself somehow when you feel down. I know it's hard.

 

[doubleM]

thanks for all the replies and the welcome. to answer the questions yes im the quiet observant type. until i get to know the people im around then i can act more comfortable. by acting right i mean like...i can do something by myself, but when i have to do it in front of someone else i cant do it right...or..i feel really paranoid doing it.

yeah alot of the women that treated me bad turned out to have issues. knowing that makes me feel better. but it seems so many of them are like that. everything is so backwards. then people tell me oh my approach is all wrong, or i said this wrong, or dont say this say that, blah blah....i feel like im walking thru a minefield. it shouldnt be that way. i feel like i was born on the wrong planet.
anyway, im trying to focus on the fact that most people that treated me bad had issues. its all that makes me feel better right now.

 

[Sial Axetder]

thanks for all the replies and the welcome. to answer the questions yes im the quiet observant type. until i get to know the people im around then i can act more comfortable. by acting right i mean like...i can do something by myself, but when i have to do it in front of someone else i cant do it right...or..i feel really paranoid doing it.

yeah alot of the women that treated me bad turned out to have issues. knowing that makes me feel better. but it seems so many of them are like that. everything is so backwards. then people tell me oh my approach is all wrong, or i said this wrong, or dont say this say that, blah blah....i feel like im walking thru a minefield. it shouldnt be that way. i feel like i was born on the wrong planet.
anyway, im trying to focus on the fact that most people that treated me bad had issues. its all that makes me feel better right now.

Yep, don't feel the least bit comfortable unless I am familiar. Even then, still not fully. I am also observant. To be observant I must be quiet. Who's doing what, all around me.

Hear a joke. Really well put together. To retell it, go fly a kite, say nothing.

Feeling better is good. Keep moving forward.