My therapy Journey [Journal]

#1
My Therapy Journey
Hello all, I follow a group therapy and individual therapy. I have a contract signed for about one year. I hope many of these sessions will help me a lot and i hope to get out of my social phobia behaviour to get rid of sa or at least to see improvement in my life. It is a very intensive therapy, DGT. Dialectical behavioral therapy. To teach you to accept yourself with this therapy mind fulness. and see things in a different perspective. You also learn to get a grip on your emotions. I got diagnosed with social phobia and I have symptoms of borderline personality disorder. I have very strong feelings and i have very shaky mood swings. I often have a sense of emptiness, and I have separation anxiety and fear of commitment. I would like to improve my life and get my life on track and just go out the door again without fear. I'm going to fight. I'll keep in the journal how it all goes and what I learn every time.

meeting my individual therapist
Today i've met my therapist, my taxi brought me to the wrong building, so i need to walk 10 min to another building.. oops. I had to call the taxi again to pick me up at this place. But i had a good conversation with G. (i call my therapist G on the journal ;)) G told me that she read about my life and she told me that DGT could offer a lot for me. She described how people are affected by their emotions, feeling lost because people think it's simple and easy, while we are suffering as a victim in our own routine. She told me that my anxiety and other related stuff could be genetic from parents and family members, and that's true, my mother and granny used to be social phobics too. but they never used to be so extremely severe anxious. but they sure did have a form of sa, and my mom learned to feel relaxed around people by doing breathing exercises, and my grandma just knew nothing bad happened when she is around people, but sometimes she still faints because she has agoraphobia, but after all my mom and granny have made so much progress=)
so that's totally true, and other gene's, like characterisms and looks.
and we talked about the dgt, what it goes like. we talked about moving out, she told me its a good step, although i might go to a huge change, it will work for me. Because i need to be around people, i agree, its the step to get rid of sa, because being around people is the key, but still its terrifying for me.
it has been a good day today!

Having a hard time...
I was having a panic attack, and I sent my therapist a Txt message (she told me I could call her when I was feeling afraid (she offers telephone consultation as well) but i was too afraid to call her. So we've txted, she told me we're going to discuss it soon, and we will find what helps me.
she told me she could see how much i was fighting, she wants to talk about it in the next session.

First Group Session
Monday I've been seeing my individual coach, so now finally the group session starts! (thursday) I was too early, 30 min before my session started.
G was walking across the waiting line and she said, Oh you are pretty early, we could talk somewhat. She just told a girl to go ahead smoke her cigarette outside, i thought that girl could possibly one of the other group participants.
So we walked to her office place and we started talking. she told me i was very brave by sending her a txt message, she offered me her phone and she said, I was just txting you did you recieve my txt? I said No.. My phone is off because I don't like to get called in a waiting line. She said read this, I read she wished me luck for the group session, i thanked her :) so we talked a bit about txting and stuff she said if you don't like to call you can txt me. but u know when u call i think it helps better, so if you ever got the gutts to call, just try and i'll be answering , but u know i have things to do as well, so i cannot always answer directly but i try asap.

The clock ticked to 2:00 PM. I had to go to group therapy, I walked to the other department and I knocked the door and I walked into the room. I saw my group trainers and I saw another girl. I introduced myself to my group trainers and to K. (i call her K) I took my place next to the girl because I saw my name written on the map on this place. K smiled friendly, i smiled back and my trainers J and C told me it's very good that I'm here and they are happy about it that I didn't avoid it. I felt a bit uncomfortable when she told me that, but I knew It's my issue and I should not be ashamed of my sa.
I saw that the girl next to me was looking very nervous as well and she was grinning a lot lol, i couldn't help but i had to laugh too, because of nerves.
Then sudden So came in, (I call her So), she ran to her place, i saw she was really anxious, and she took place next to me. My trainers welcomed her, and she has a really deep quiet voice, she seemed prety sa to me.

My trainers told us T was still having issues with the bus so she will arrive later so we started the group session. My trainers told us to introduce ourselfes, and the trainers started, C told us she lives in the same place like me, she liked this therapy alot so she wanted to learn about it and she wants to help us. J told us she is a psychologist and she is very interested in the borderline/anxiety problematics. K was the first one to introduce, she told us she is doing fashion education at school (or however i should call it, lol i dunno how to say in english) I was the next person, I told them my name, age, location, and that i'm not at college right now but I want to start again soon and that I love making music and singing. So told us she is not in school as well, and she loves drawing. the trainers told us we were all very creative:)

They told about DGT after it, and we needed to focus on objects for 2 min, and not concentrate on other people. Everybody found it very hard because they were having thoughts, we could not share our thoughts because we felt uncomfortable, and i told them i cannot focus at one point when I'm having too many thoughts.

After it T came in, she was a bit different than the others, she could not really relate to the problems we were talking about, because she never suffers from anxiety and stuff, she just is very mad very often and some more a like things like we do suffer from as well, but she seems a nice person too.:]

then we opened our map, we had to sign our last autograph, so we could really make a start.

rules of the therapy:
clients do their best to the maximum
clients want to learn, want to make a change
to change clients have to work on themselfes
clients are mostly not responsible for the problems they have, but sadly they are the one who need to fix it.
clients never fail in our therapy.


More soon....
 

Feathers

Well-known member
#2
YAY for being brave Saskia!! :) And thank you for sharing it with us! It's very good to read about this!!

Wishing you a lot of success and a good experience!

Have you tried doing EFT about an anxiety attack? (emofree.com) Or some people try to provoke an anxiety attack on purpose, and usually just can't.. Like with stuttering too.. If you try to do it, you usually can't..

It sounds like you have a good group and a good therapist! ROCK ON!! :)
 

mr.jimbo

Active member
#3
Keep it up! it sounds like you're in a good place to be in. i think we should really chat or talk sometimes in here. i started going back to school this semester. i have the same passion as you to sing and be a songwriter, but i'll have to see how that goes further down the future. it be nice to talk about what we want to accomplish. I look forward to hearing you again somewhere down the road.
 
#4
YAY for being brave Saskia!! :) And thank you for sharing it with us! It's very good to read about this!!

Wishing you a lot of success and a good experience!

Have you tried doing EFT about an anxiety attack? (emofree.com) Or some people try to provoke an anxiety attack on purpose, and usually just can't.. Like with stuttering too.. If you try to do it, you usually can't..

It sounds like you have a good group and a good therapist! ROCK ON!! :)
Hi Feathers,
Thanks a lot! It sure is a good experience, i think this is a very good thing because it's so intensive, i don't like chatting about problems without any effect, I want serious help and this is just what i've been looking for, professional help ;) I checked out Emofree.com, i think it's a good website, but it's kind of hard to believe Eft will help me, have you tried it? I mean, I have heard about it, but it's a different method, I don't know if this works?
If it does, I'd love to try of course, anything for recovery.
HELL YEA, ROCK ON ^^
 
#5
Keep it up! it sounds like you're in a good place to be in. i think we should really chat or talk sometimes in here. i started going back to school this semester. i have the same passion as you to sing and be a songwriter, but i'll have to see how that goes further down the future. it be nice to talk about what we want to accomplish. I look forward to hearing you again somewhere down the road.
Hi mr.jimbo, we could sure chat, it's cool to meet someone who shares the same passion, how long have u been singing? i would love to talk with you, just send me a PM or a visitor message, or add me on msn [email protected]
Welcome to the forums, Btw :)
 

Feathers

Well-known member
#6
Hey Saskia, I've tried EFT and TAT and they helped.. (for several things, like for some silly phobias or the driving licence etc or when I was feeling bad before a funeral etc) Found EFT a few years ago, they still had a free pdf manual, it seems it's not for free anymore, you can still find free videos or materials online I think.. TAT still has a free manual..

It seems that different things help different people, someone on this site wrote EFT didn't help her, so we're all different.. It's important you find something that helps you, or a bunch of things you can try, sometimes one thing may help, next time something else... I like CBT journalling a lot too, and have sometimes done them together with EFT/TAT... Or sometimes writing songs works best, it really depends.. :)

Wishing you lots of success!! :)
 

DespairSoul

Well-known member
#7
Hello Sassy,

U are very brave! And congratulations to you from whole heart to steps forward!I know u can do it:) Good luck take care and i hope u will do it well by therapy.
 

Feathers

Well-known member
#8
Hey Saskia, this video reminds me of you a bit: YouTube - Start your Day with EFT

It's 'good morning' EFT! Shows you a bit how it's done - it looks really silly at first, but it can be really helpful.. You can do it on other statements too.. There are some other videos and things online...
For example: 'Even if I have this sa, I choose to deeply and completely accept myself'...
 

Feathers

Well-known member
#9
Okay here's another one for SA specifically:

YouTube - Social Anxiety EFT "get the click"

When you first do it, if you're feeling anxiety just use that, if you don't, don't call anything too strong from the past, just something easy/moderate to work with... especially if you're doing it for the 1st time..

As you see the techniques vary a bit from practitioner to practitioner, some people use some different points.. It looks funny a bit but it really works :) at least you can try it.. to have it as one of the 'weapons' against sa :) or other things..
 

Hottie

Well-known member
#11
I have heard about this before - but i think that its not really that practical.

And saskia - best of luck...hope all goes well

:)
 

Deus_Ex_Lemur

Well-known member
#12
I have heard about this before - but i think that its not really that practical.

And saskia - best of luck...hope all goes well

:)
With an open mind, it may be. I side on it being silly but really it's just a way to relax - calm and be mentally positive. If can do that physically, mentally follows. If do it consistently and open.

But anyways back to Saskia, hope group therapy really works I think THATS where real change will start.
 

Feathers

Well-known member
#13
I have heard about this before - but i think that its not really that practical.

And saskia - best of luck...hope all goes well

:)
Hehe you can just do it in imagination too (it's basically kinda CBT with hand gymnastics :))
Or just do the karate chop (just tap on your hand and repeat the first statement, if you're too upset to do the rest.. That's kinda what I did today, then retreated to the bathroom to calm down a bit and do some more eft.. :)
You don't have to do it in public (unless you're with like-minded people or in an EFT group) you can use it when you're on your own tho, or in the car maybe (if away from views of other cars and someone else is driving, etc)
You can calm yourself ahead of something, if you've had anxiety over an upcoming event etc. Or after something has happened.. (Or while waiting for something to be resolved etc)
sa people are alone a lot of the time, and for those times, EFT can be totally practical, no?
Or you can retreat in another (empty) room (ideally with no surveillance cameras?) and do some eft there, silently (just speaking in your mind/imagination)?

What makes you think it wouldn't be practical? Have you tried it?

it's not the ultimate answer to anything, it's a good weapon to have in the 'arsenal' of tools to help.. it also depends how you do it, a bit.. so if it doesn't seem to be working, there are some tips online too.. eg EFT Not Working For You? Learn the 10 Biggest EFT Mistakes

Yeah Saskia, the group therapy looks really interesting, interesting that there are so many creative people there!
Maybe you can even create something together?
 

Hottie

Well-known member
#14
Hehe you can just do it in imagination too (it's basically kinda CBT with hand gymnastics :))
Or just do the karate chop (just tap on your hand and repeat the first statement, if you're too upset to do the rest.. That's kinda what I did today, then retreated to the bathroom to calm down a bit and do some more eft.. :)
You don't have to do it in public (unless you're with like-minded people or in an EFT group) you can use it when you're on your own tho, or in the car maybe (if away from views of other cars and someone else is driving, etc)
You can calm yourself ahead of something, if you've had anxiety over an upcoming event etc. Or after something has happened.. (Or while waiting for something to be resolved etc)
sa people are alone a lot of the time, and for those times, EFT can be totally practical, no?
Or you can retreat in another (empty) room (ideally with no surveillance cameras?) and do some eft there, silently (just speaking in your mind/imagination)?

What makes you think it wouldn't be practical? Have you tried it?

it's not the ultimate answer to anything, it's a good weapon to have in the 'arsenal' of tools to help.. it also depends how you do it, a bit.. so if it doesn't seem to be working, there are some tips online too.. eg EFT Not Working For You? Learn the 10 Biggest EFT Mistakes

Yeah Saskia, the group therapy looks really interesting, interesting that there are so many creative people there!
Maybe you can even create something together?
Oh i didnt know you could do it with your imagination too. LOL! But isnt the relaxation comming from the pressure points in your body?

See my anxiety comes on strong when im with people. Thats why i said it not really practical...but uf you can do it by imagination then i might try giving it a go.

No i havnt given it a go...but now i may try it out at some point!!

Have you tried it out? If so, how did you find the excercise?

I believe any techniques that can be used to help people are worth trying so i wasnt trying to down it or anything. I beieve that for different people, different things work so everyone should try everything that is possible.

I know i will never come to the conclusion that this is what i have to put up with forever. It can be cured as it is only a unconcious learned behaviour. So until i beat social anxiety, ereyuthrophobia, HOCD and obsessional thoughts i am certainly going to try every technique in the book.

This is a bit off point but i believe us anxiety suffers each know inside of us what works for us and what doesnt and from that we will change the future.
In my own opionion i think that suffers from MH conditions should be more involved within the treatment process. Things like the sufferer coming up with their own ideas for recovery.
I dont really know how try explain what im thinking...and im aware that what i have just said sounds like a loada crap !!! But one example is like the thread i started - earlier education. IDK if you read it or not but it was basically about how education in secondary schools may help earlier diagnosis and adult education can detect MH conditions earlier (themselves & children). From that treatment can begin earlier and more people will have a chance of sucess. And also stigma may be reduced....
 

Feathers

Well-known member
#15
Oh i didnt know you could do it with your imagination too. LOL!
Yeah, you can. You can do anything in your imagination lol It's *your* imagination!
Some people even find relief in imagining to take a pill or something like that..

But isnt the relaxation comming from the pressure points in your body?
Relaxation comes from different thought patterns. You can change thought patterns with journalling and CBT/questionning the validity of the statements in your head (like eg presented in the book The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr David Burns) or by talking to someone or researching and finding different info and viewpoints...

The tapping actually makes one feel more energized. The stronger you tap, the more energized you may get. (Hence not recommended before sleeping.)

See my anxiety comes on strong when im with people. Thats why i said it not really practical...but uf you can do it by imagination then i might try giving it a go.
Yeah, with others it may not be so practical to tap, unless they really know you well and know about EFT too, and accept it or even do it themselves..

I've usually been more worried BEFORE situations, than during.. During, I just focus on conversation, the people, or their body language or environment...

No i havnt given it a go...but now i may try it out at some point!!
He he, do tell your experience if you do it! :)

Have you tried it out? If so, how did you find the excercise?
Yeah, I've done it before. The first time I tried it (and found it!) I tapped so hard I was feeling soo energized lol.. I was pretty devastated before, a friend's brother died, he was quite young, left a young family behind him, his sis was devastated, I was her online support 'lifeline' (she had no more relatives left, she thought - she later found some again..) and well I was pretty devastated too.. but after doing EFT I was feeling much better..
I even felt guilty for not feeling so 'stricken' as I 'should' at the funeral.. but it was good that I could be her support somehow..
so for Granny's funeral I didn't actually do it (and I forgot about it inbetween a bit too..)
I wanted to feel my feelings.. (maybe I did a bit of it inbetween, but not so much and not with real determined tapping..) the tapping is kinda the 'uplifting' factor mostly (?)

I believe any techniques that can be used to help people are worth trying so i wasnt trying to down it or anything. I beieve that for different people, different things work
Yup, I agree.. :)

so everyone should try everything that is possible
hm, not quite sure on this :), some things, I'm a bit sceptical of (like the meds have side effects etc), more inclined to natural/healthy stuff (or as natural/healthy as possible)
EFT is a bit like a 'pill' so it can make you a bit 'zombified' maybe (or maybe there were other factors for that hmm!), but it's better than a pill cause it's more natural (no chemicals).. sometimes it's just good to feel the feelings, you know? And sometimes eg nutrition or proactive action can be more help than other things.. It's good to find any underlying causes if there are any, and then change patterns of thinking or change lifestyle etc. I mean if you're hungry you still need to eat (ideally healthy things), no amount of tapping can make you not need food at all. (Though some report it can help with cravings or food issues too..)

I know i will never come to the conclusion that this is what i have to put up with forever. It can be cured as it is only a unconcious learned behaviour. So until i beat social anxiety, ereyuthrophobia, HOCD and obsessional thoughts i am certainly going to try every technique in the book.

This is a bit off point but i believe us anxiety suffers each know inside of us what works for us and what doesnt and from that we will change the future.
In my own opionion i think that suffers from MH conditions should be more involved within the treatment process. Things like the sufferer coming up with their own ideas for recovery.
I dont really know how try explain what im thinking...and im aware that what i have just said sounds like a loada crap !!! But one example is like the thread i started - earlier education. IDK if you read it or not but it was basically about how education in secondary schools may help earlier diagnosis and adult education can detect MH conditions earlier (themselves & children). From that treatment can begin earlier and more people will have a chance of sucess. And also stigma may be reduced....
What you said makes perfect sense!! More prevention needs to be done!! Where is that thread? :)

Yeah I really like your ideas. I was researching some ideas about how to include prevention into school programs too, some things are already being done worldwide, but not enough, I think.
Ideally, kids (and parents) would learn better ways of communication, problem-solving and healthier ways of living from kindergarten up, even mums before pregnancy etc!

Saskia sorry to get off-topic a bit, maybe we need a new thread for EFT and such?
I think videos and songs about sa etc can help share understanding and be part of prevention too!
 

Hottie

Well-known member
#16
I've usually been more worried BEFORE situations, than during.. During, I just focus on conversation, the people, or their body language or environment...
See i worry about the situation a lot before too. But during the situation/event my anxiety will rise and fall depending on whats going on during the situation. Because is suffer erethrophobia (fear of blushing/facial blushing) the anxiety is triggered by things like catching eye contact with somebody, somebody beside me talkin/attention focused my way etc. It can happen so fast it hard to stop it...

hm, not quite sure on this , some things, I'm a bit sceptical of (like the meds have side effects etc), more inclined to natural/healthy stuff (or as natural/healthy as possible)

I agree with you, kind of. I know meds have side effects but side effects might occur for one individual and not for another. I have tried many medications and i never got any side effects from them. One kind made me a bit tired but that passed. So i reckon people should try it out. Im not recommending taking meds, as they never done sh!t for me, but what im getting at is for some people there proven to work...even a placebo effect may help someone.

What you said makes perfect sense!! More prevention needs to be done!! Where is that thread?

Yeah I really like your ideas. I was researching some ideas about how to include prevention into school programs too, some things are already being done worldwide, but not enough, I think.
Ideally, kids (and parents) would learn better ways of communication, problem-solving and healthier ways of living from kindergarten up, even mums before pregnancy etc!

The thread is in the anxiety forum...if you wernt joking !!

Prevention is always better than cure. And for anxiety i know it will never be able to be fully prevented as it is a natural part of life, stepping back far far into history. But if numbers can be reduced...i say bring on prevention in any type of form possible!!

My big question is how can we change the way things are done? I have all these ideas but i wouldnt know where to begin working on them...

:)

Saskia - sorry i was going to start a new thread because we kinda took over yours but i didnt!!

Hope things are going good for you... keep us posted on how your getting on

:)
 
#17
@Feathers: I tried out some EFT techniques, they really work, it's a miracle lol :) , It doesn't reduce the whole anxiety though, but a little :)
thank you very much for sharing about EFT, but i'd like to hear about the explanation why it helps for anxiety, to do these techniques/methods, i'm curius :0 because it sounds stupid at first, but it does work ^^
 
#20
Individual therapy session 2
My therapist and I talked about BDD, she did research on it, and she asked me to write about the things I find ugly about myself, and what celebrities I like (like style,attitude,etc) and I needed to fill in my diary card.
In the diary card i need to tell them if I had any downsets on the day, or any good things happened, or if I used alcohol,medication,drugs, or so-ever.
I don't do drugs or alcohol, so my therapist don't need to worry about that.
I do use oxazepam now and then. We talked about feeling obsessed about ugliness, and she thinks it's not weird, although I told her I was feeling really insecure about telling her the details about it, she told me I don't need to feel ashamed since I'm here, because it's a psychiatric centre, everyone has a problem here, so why is it weird, she asked me, I said, because It makes me even more aware of feeling this way, she told me I need to tell her, so I told her all the details about my insecurities.

We talked about the diary card and she figured out I have a lot of downsets, like depressive moments or feeling sad, and a lot of times when my anxiety starts to grow. She also told me, when I have an anxiety attack, I should not let it take control over me, because I tend to start feel hopeless and give up, and feel terribly anxious. I should attack even when I feel it coming up, I should do something against it, like drinking green tea, go for a walk, find distraction and help myself, not give up. And not do things, like laying in the bed feeling depressed, but get in action, do something completely different.
And I should call her when I'm having a hard time.

Group Session 2
Today in the group we talked about a subject of our map, about people who feel overly sensetive, what would happen to those people? If they don't get supported by their invironment? I said they would have a hard time and need to be heard, and not misunderstood, and they need to be treatn carefully and need to learn to fight for themselfes. We talked about problems about;
Confusion about your own indenitity, a feeling of emptiness, impulsivity, emotional attacks, conflicts with other people, and self harm.
I can relate to a lot of topics.

I needed to fill in a paper about a situation I used to have a hard time.
Here it is;

Happening; Panic attack because I needed to travel by bus, I stayed at my girlfriend, and I was about to go home, but I was terrified of going back because of the situation being in the bus around people, and I felt anxious.
I was dissapointed and ashamed because I don't want to fail.

Thoughts; I feel terribly anxious, I'm ugly, Everybody sees how anxious I am, I can't dare it, it's too hard, Everyone will stare at me because I act so social phobic, I'm gonna faint, I can't breathe!

Feelings; Raced heart beat, adrenaline level high, sick of thoughts, felt like throwing up, dizzy, feeling like i was about to faint, fearful.

Thoughts about feelings; I'm gonna die, I hate these feelings, why me? I hate my life, I NEVER but NEVER wanna experience this feeling ever again, I want to escape from this hell, I act so stupid.

Behaviour; Crying, so afraid that I wanted to call my grandpa to pick me up, or my dad. But my dad told me to just go, there's nothing to worry about, just go by bus and focus on my goal, to get back home.

Thoughts about behaviour; If I knew how to stop this panic, I would have done it inmediatly. this is my struggle, and I don't wanna crash my life, I want to enjoy my life!!

I talked to my girlfriend, and I took some rest at her appartmnet, and after a time I just took the bus and faced it. It was a rough time.

I shared this to the group (while feeling nervous as heck) they told i'm very brave for sharing, and they are thankful for sharing. :)

It was a good session :)
 
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