My dad as the reason for my SA?

[JamieD]

I think it's definitely safe to say i don't get on with my dad, at all. From the moment he gets home from work, he can start a row within 2 minutes, no joke. He's always on at me to get a job, he thinks he understands SA, but he just says 'get over it'. And like today, when i found out i didn't get a job, he got SO mad, started shouting and told me to piss off and get a flat. Just now, i went outside to see what he was doing on the car, and within 30 seconds, if that, he started a row. It certainly can't help with my SA, all his constant insults can't have a brilliant effect on my self-esteem. ::

 

[kayelle]

Ick, thats sucks, I'm sorry. I know what it's like being in a bad home environment. I used to row with my dad ALL the time. We just didn't get on at all, we used to have arguments any time we started talking. My psychotherapist has helped me a lot with sorting out things at home. I don't know about your situation, but my dad has mild anxiety, it doesn't impact on his life too much but he's just not really in to going out and meeting new people, but he has plenty of friends at work and the family at home. I'm rambling now but I mean he does know what anxiety is like and yet we used to argue all the time, I mean any time we talked basically. And it was the both of us, I was feeling depressed about my anxiety and that was coming out as anger and feeling annoyed with the people I needed the most, my family. And because I realised that in therapy I was able to stop my side of the arguing, and that eventually stopped his side of the arguing too. I was able to have compassion for my dad aswell, because I could see that a lot of it was frustration because I wasn't helping the situation, secondly because we were just arguing about the same things over and over again, and thirdly because we never ever ever talk about feelings in my family, like lots of others I'm sure.

I'm so sorry, this has rambled on for ages!! I'm afraid the only thing you can do is change how you react to the situation. Even if the argument is caused by him and you have nothing to do with it turning into a fight, you just have to try and meet it with calm reasoning, and try to tell him some of your emotions and your feelings, as awkward and hard as that is! It'll bring it to a different level, one where you're trying to explain and reason out the things that you're fighting about, rather than just going round in circles.

Hope my ridiculously rambling reply can help in some way, sorry, I hope it made sense ::

 

[losttroy]

Sheesh! I am not sure about the circumstances of your family life, but that dude sounds like he's in some serious pain. Where is your mum? Is she around? Does he drink? Does he hate his job? Oftentimes, people who unload on their family have loads of negative energy built up from sources which have NOTHING to do with what it is they are harping about.

Don't take it personal WHAT he says, take personal the fact that he's acting like that in the first place. Ask the bloke, "Dad? Are you in pain? I mean, really? If you run over a dog's leg with the car, then go over & try to help it, the dog tries to bite you, right? Why? Because he's hurting like hell, and isn't happy about it!" Have you been hurt somewhere, Dad? Are you hurting, to have such a need to snap at me like you are?? I don't want you to be this way! I'd rather we get along than be like this!"

Sorry, to provide the "script" for ya there.:: I just have always believed when we get, or are, angry about something, we are simply reacting to being run over somehow, just like that poor dog I mentioned.

It's not your fault, J.

 

[phobiadictates]

Mine left the home when i was 4 and after having another wife and child and leaving them like us he came back to his home sweet home (I think my mom must become mad to accept him). He neither supported my life my expenses my college education nor my moral needs but now he tries to act as if he was a boss. Can you imagine what kind of a father can punch his child for a reason that his child is on the internet at midnight 2.00. In that fight one of us might be die but luckily it didnt(I dont want to be gone or to go to prison) I cant understand how a person can be like this. He even dont has a job and my mom handles everything but he supposes himself as the creator of the small mountains.
So i guess your father's reactions seems pretty normal and it might not be the reason for your SA. You should thank the universe that it gave you a normal father

 

[JamieD]

@Kayelle - Brilliant answer, i think your definitely right about changing how i react to the situation.
Thanks for the answers everyone.
See i knew this would happen.. i feel bad now for posting this, because at this moment, i'm getting on with him. lol.

 

[butterflydreams]

Yeah, wouldn't it be great to just "get over it". I have learned that it is a slow process to get to the point where you are able to function comfortably out in the real world. My mother thinks I need to just "get over" my anxiety issues too. I am a burden to her financially, I guess.

But, I can relate to you somewhat. Hugs

 

[PhillyFlyersGrl]

Unfortunatly, Im coming to the realization, that people may try to understand S.A. but if they dont have the problem themselves they never will. I think at this point I would be crazy to expect someone who doesnt have it to understand, and this way here I wont be disappointed..because I dont expect anyone to understand. So dont expect your dad to be more understanding..he obviously doesnt get it, so no use in banging your head against the wall.
He would be a real jerk to kick you out..so hopefully he doesnt do that, but as far as finding a job goes try to find somewhere that you dont have to deal with people too much, I know its prob hard because it eliminates alot.

 

[ffeev223234]

If you want advice then yes I will provide, your dad is a mean person. Maybe you should get a job just get away from your verbally abusive father. He maybe helping but he just does not know it.

Quote:
Rocket Man,Rocket Man, Rocket Man- A song from the 1960's

 

[Jin]

man...your dad is just like my dad....i think they have a very high expectations of you getting a job...and yet you failed...but it isnt right for him to yell at you... especially he even knows that youre having SA.... i think thats really very unfair to you... and for me i think your dad are stressed of work.... eh might not even think what he says to you because of that....in that case you also need to adjust....

 

[Lea]

Sheesh! I am not sure about the circumstances of your family life, but that dude sounds like he's in some serious pain. Where is your mum? Is she around? Does he drink? Does he hate his job? Oftentimes, people who unload on their family have loads of negative energy built up from sources which have NOTHING to do with what it is they are harping about.

Don't take it personal WHAT he says, take personal the fact that he's acting like that in the first place. Ask the bloke, "Dad? Are you in pain? I mean, really? If you run over a dog's leg with the car, then go over & try to help it, the dog tries to bite you, right? Why? Because he's hurting like hell, and isn't happy about it!" Have you been hurt somewhere, Dad? Are you hurting, to have such a need to snap at me like you are?? I don't want you to be this way! I'd rather we get along than be like this!"

Sorry, to provide the "script" for ya there.:: I just have always believed when we get, or are, angry about something, we are simply reacting to being run over somehow, just like that poor dog I mentioned.

It's not your fault, J.

Yeah, Hitler was also in pain, that's why he murdered half Europe. Sure he can try being nice to his father this way, but do you think it will help? Have you ever lived with an abusive person, there helps nothing! Even if he was in pain, it doesn't justify him to be rude to his son. He is a grown up man for god sake, and should be responsible for his actions. People who don't know how to treat their children with dignity or just want to use them as offload for their frustrations, should not have them.

 

[mrb]

hmmmm he should try to be a little more understanding ... some people jesus ... dont let it get you down mate , you wont have to put up with it forever ..