murderess thoughts/begging for help

[thoughts]

ill start this off by saying this is my first time to do this online. i have a rare OCD disorder that's a little dangerous to myself and those around me. iv seen five doctors so far to see if they could help me and so far they have all made it worse or did nothing to it. i have been thro thousands of dollors in meds and appointments all for nothing i have almost been forced to live in a sycotic ward even but was dismissed at the last second thanks to my parents. due to what i have it has all so made me in to an insomniac because it scares me in to not sleeping at nights. this is what i have. at any given moment at any given time during the day i will have a sudden urge to kill anyone and everyone around me it doesn't matter if i know them or not family friend or stranger who ever is closest to me at the time of the thoughts but not just kill them but to do it in a way that it would make them suffer and after they die i want to eat them. i have these thoughts 2 to 6 times a day. sadly the thought have been getting stronger and happening more times a day and they last longer now. and i find my self to start playing with the thing i want to kill the person with. i cant sleep at nights because i have nightmares every night about killing people hunting them down and then eating them when there alive. i scream allot during my sleep the rare times that i do sleep i sleep every other night for 2 hrs I'm to scared to sleep anymore. i don't know what to do anymore i cant seem to cure these on my own can someone please help me or is someone out there like me? I'm 19 years old and I'm in collage. ps sorry for spelling and grammer there not my strong points im begging for help plz someone any lil tip would help somthing nothing is to small at this point i need help badly

 

[Richey]

In canada a man recently stabbed a young guy on a bus and cut his head off then started eating him in front of other people, it was barbaric and cowardly and possibly the most inhumane thing another human being could pull off and you are going down that track unless you get help by you stopping these thoughts or by a psychologist ...

i personally don't understand as i wouldn't hurt a fly except i have thought about harming myself but i'll always be aware that harming others is just plain wrong its switched on in my conscious to never hurt anyone, but murder then eating them? come on...what plausible satisfaction does that honestly bring you as a human being...

your admission here is scary to read and its obvious you need to to counter these thoughts right now, go replace those thoughts with almost anything the imagination can create, ...

book yourself into a mental institution so that your not allowed to walk out until you are rehibilitated and these thoughts have vanished

realise the thoughts right now are just thoughts and thats how it should stay, right now its like you have a horror film reeling through your mind and you need to press the eject button ..

good luck

 

[schnookie]

5 doctors is a lot and I can't imagine the uh, inner mind-battles you're having because I imagine those alone are torture.

The fact that you're posting here shows that you have an inner-desire to overcome these thoughts, and even though I don't really have much advice I do think that's a good thing.

Instead of playing with the thing you want to kill them with when you get the urges, I'd try and find something else to do to.

Richey said,

realise the thoughts right now are just thoughts and thats how it should stay, right now its like you have a horror film reeling through your mind and you need to press the eject button ..

And when you find a doctor, make sure you find one empathizes with you and that you actually trust and can work with.

 

[moonlight]

Just out of curiousity, when you have these sudden urges does it feel like it was triggered by a thought? Or does it feel like pure rage overcomes you out of nowhere? When did all this start?

 

[Lexmark]

I get fantasy thoughts of going postal all the time haha
But wouldnt do it
In your case you need some seriious help man.
Find the write phycologist or something

 

[thoughts2]

nothing triggers the thoughts i could be around friends having fun or i could be alone and cry they just happen at random nothing triggers them

 

[siren_0_0]

Something IS indeed triggering them. You just need to dig deeper.

How long were you on one medication at a time? And how long did u see a therapist at a time? Did you adhere to the CBT treatment the therapist recommended you through completion? I think you ought to give therapy and medication another try because you need to be doing pretty much all you can to be preventing these thoughts. I also think you need to see a neuroscientist and take MRIs to see what happening to your brain before, during and after you have these thoughts. They might be able to figure out what's happening exactly and what to do to prevent them by means other then meds and CBT.

There's also more drastic therapies, such as electroshock therapy and surgery as treatment options but hopefully you'll never have to think about having those done.

 

[thoughts2]

im alone iv gone thro many sites looking and praying someone was close or worse off than me in pure o but so far no one can even compaire to me in degree. so what do i do now? i cant look up to anyone now for help

 

[siren_0_0]

im alone iv gone thro many sites looking and praying someone was close or worse off than me in pure o but so far no one can even compaire to me in degree. so what do i do now? i cant look up to anyone now for help

Accept it and start meditating. And try my prior suggestions also.

 

[sabbath92002]

Have you tried Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)?

www.thehappinesstrap.com

 

[caitlynx]

It is very, very important to go back and try therapy/medication again. Try another doctor if you haven't found one that has helped. Even if you have to try out a hundred doctors before you find one that can help, it is one-hundred-percent worth it. Be completely open and honest with your doctor about how you're having trouble sleeping and that these thoughts are getting worse. I wish you luck.

 

[thoughts2]

dose anyone know of anyone that has the same thing as me like level wise? i know people have scary thoughts but i cant find anyone close to mine

 

[thoughts]

bump

 

[Remus]

I noticed you have made a few posts on this now, I think the psyche ward is the best place for you to get help going off all you have said over these posts.

Here's an idea, maybe commit a minor crime? if you are not being taken seriously that is. say shoplift but make it obvious so you get caught, but carry a knife on you so the police find it (but not use it of course), then tell them about your urges, then I think you would be taken very seriously indeed and then the government would be called in to act as you have been put into the justice system???? not sure how U.S. law works.

Here in the UK you here of people being commited to a psyche unit, after release coming out and murdering or raping someone, it just does not get taken seriously, its like you need to commit a crime before any help comes your way.

*dont worry about spelling puctuation etc, cant be any worse than mine lol

 

[Remus]

Hows it going? *bump*