Mr. Unavailable

Bittersweet

Well-known member
#1
Today I saw a couple holding hands at the grocery store. I got a twinge of jealousy. I often think about how nice it would be to have someone to do all the mundane things with.

I keep wondering where all of the nice guys are. The ones who will open the door for me, and treat me with respect.

It's taken me a long time to realize that I don't meet these guys because I am actually attracted to the wrong type of guy. No, not the bad boy.

Mr. Unavailable. He seems nice, he's handsome, he's friendly, and he's emotionally unavailable.

As much as I claim to want to be in a relationship, the only men I seem to be attracted to are the emotionally unavailable men.

I realized that if I actually did meet a genuinely nice guy, who would treat me right, and invest his time and attention in me, I would most likely run for the hills.

Why?

Because I don't believe I'm good enough to get such a man. I don't think I'm worthy. He's out of my league and he's settling.

Luckily, I realize this and am trying to work on the insecurities that make me feel this way about myself.

Has anyone else had a similar situation?
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
#2
I almost always feel that twinge of jealousy when I see couples. I wish for the same kind of guy, and then I start to think that I'll never meet one. Or if I do, I'll never be with him because I also feel that I'm not good enough.
 

Hastings & Main

Well-known member
#4
Same here (excluding kiwong), but from the male side. Couples everywhere, it seems.
Much worse is when you see someone you didn't think would like you, or thought 'she couldn't like me, I'm not good enough', or whatever reason you gave yourself, with someone else and learning later that you were the one that person wanted to be with. It's like fate pulling a really good prank.
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
#5
Couples fighting, couples sharing the same colds, couples with whining children..... Sorry I'll sit in the corner and be quiet now.
 

IGotSeoul

Well-known member
#6
When I see a couple, I say yay, and am thankful for my independence.
I share the same feeling.

Although I find myself associating relationships to happiness (due to observations of other couples displaying affection), I feel that it's a misleading evaluation because relationships are made of a lot more outside of what we see and want.

That's only me however and I am ultimately happy for those who find their own.
 
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leave_me_alone

Well-known member
#7
Yes, seeing a happy couple can be quite depressing.

Sometimes i miss the little things, like holding hands, smiling at each other and joking around. I wish one day.....
 

Jodie-Tyler

Well-known member
#9
Bittersweet:
OMG yes! I have confidence and self image issues that are too messed up for anyone but a cosmetic surgeon fix LOL
But i can so relate to not feeling good anough and feeling that any guy who says he's interested, it just settling.
Whenever i see young couples, teens and 20's, i get jealous and then depressed. LOL
And i too think, god how nice would it be to hold one's hand, or have them put their arms around you when you sleep.

I have a plan to boost my confidence and self esteem but i wont say bcos i dont want to influence anyone.
But i feel your pain hun :)
x
 
#13
I think I'm one of these emotionally unavailable people. I don't just act like I want a relationship though, I actually do. The problem is that if this was reciprocated I'd get spooked and act stupid. I don't think it'd be right to expect someone to be as patient with me as they'd have to be to have a relationship with me.

Also, I really hope this doesn't sound rude but if you would run for the hills if you met a nice guy, who's the emotionally unavailable one? I'm in the same boat with the feeling not worthy and that women are out of my league.
 

Duraldo

Well-known member
#14
Everytime I see like some happy couple crap in public it makes me utterly depressed to see (mostly because every girl I've tried to tell how I feel ended horribly and ugly, I have never ever gotten even close to having a relationship with a girl), especially when they seem happy as hell, I just start feeling ill. It makes me not even try to flirt with any girl, or approach them, or tell them how I feel, because when you have a 100% rejection rate
for the last 8 years, it's starts to get OLD. I don't get why I can have friends that are girls no problem at all, but getting my doctorate seems more realistic then a girlfriend.

Then again, I sometimes see my neighbors fight, and it's not so pretty (which makes me glad)...so yeah.
 

Bittersweet

Well-known member
#15
I think I'm one of these emotionally unavailable people. I don't just act like I want a relationship though, I actually do. The problem is that if this was reciprocated I'd get spooked and act stupid. I don't think it'd be right to expect someone to be as patient with me as they'd have to be to have a relationship with me.

Also, I really hope this doesn't sound rude but if you would run for the hills if you met a nice guy, who's the emotionally unavailable one? I'm in the same boat with the feeling not worthy and that women are out of my league.
I think if a girl really cared about someone, she'd be patient enough to wait for at least awhile, until the guy realized that she was sincere in her interest, and wouldn't reject him for his personal insecurities.

Your question wasn't rude. My point was that, I unwittingly go for unavailable guys because I'm too scared of sincere ones. If I came across a sincere guy it would show me that I too am unavailable and scared of rejection.

Now that I realize this about myself, I am trying to work on it.

I hope I made more sense that time around.


Bittersweet:
OMG yes! I have confidence and self image issues that are too messed up for anyone but a cosmetic surgeon fix LOL
But i can so relate to not feeling good anough and feeling that any guy who says he's interested, it just settling.
Whenever i see young couples, teens and 20's, i get jealous and then depressed. LOL
And i too think, god how nice would it be to hold one's hand, or have them put their arms around you when you sleep.

I have a plan to boost my confidence and self esteem but i wont say bcos i dont want to influence anyone.
But i feel your pain hun :)
x

Glad to know someone else understands, but sorry you're dealing with the same issues. Thanks for the support! *hugs*
 
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Fighter86

Well-known member
#16
All the men I have dated turned out to be disasters. I really don't know what's wrong. They never go past one month ever, and we are in stages of holding hands, kissing etc. Inability of sustaining relationships, my special talent. I was recently seeing a guy, and thought things are working out finally, but in view of what happened last night, its more like frizzling out. I'm just exhausted and dissapointed in my life ::(: can't even hold down a partner, there really is some problems with my social skills and communication.
 
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