When you are good looking people think you are just a pretty face no matter how educated you are. You have to try harder, be nicer, and a lot of times it's not enough. People think you're a snob because you look good. I know it makes me self-consious and it limits the people I associate with. I wish those who weren't as pretty would realize that I want to be their friend and just give me a chance.
Being friends and having relationships is NOT ALL ABOUT LOOKS.
I'm going to be a real cynic, and say that I think it's much easier to be considered beutiful than ugly. If you're beautiful, at least you can dress yourself down... Maybe if you're ugly, you can dress yourself up, or does that only work in the movies and on magazine covers?
I may or may not be right...but here are my thoughts on this issue:
Yes, it obviously is easier to be good looking from a physical stand point. You are the first to get a job/girl(boy)friend etc. But it doesn't mean that pretty people are less vulnerable socially...just in a different way maybe. Obviously, good looking people don't get poked fun at in the same way...they don't get the vicious remarks "hey you're ugly/too fat" etc. The remarks are different but just as painful. Everyone has something to go through no matter what their image... and it is as equally painful. It is difficult to find a balance. But those who are "ugly" should not think that if they were all of a sudden "beautiful" that all worldly problems would dissapear. They would just be different. On an idividual level they are just as important. What I mean is that just because someone is beautiful, the pain and social insecurity they go through should not be dismissed and taken more lightly than the pain an ugly person goes through. That is discriminatory. We are all human beings whether physically ugly or beautiful and we should all treat each other with respect. That's probably wishful thinking...but it would help us be less avoidant if we quit putting labels on each other (such as "ugly" "beautiful" "fat" ...) The media promotes these labels and we can't get away from them. In the end it means we have to accept ourselves and learn to react to others opinions and challenge them to see who we really are. Think of some beautiful celebrities...Paris Hilton/Kate Moss etc. etc. They have looks, money, fame...but they're the object of a lot of criticism and judgement...Is it easy for them just 'cause they like what they see in the mirror? Believe me they cry also.
My life would be completely different if I hadn't looked like this. It's the root of all my troubles. I am shy because of the way I look...and depressed. :evil: :evil: :evil:
My life would be completely different if I hadn't looked like this. It's the root of all my troubles. I am shy because of the way I look...and depressed. :evil: :evil: :evil:
You've seen that picture thread where a bunch of insecure self-conscious members turn out to be pretty good looking. How do you know you're not like them? Post a pic of yourself. If you truly believe you're that ugly, you have nothing to lose.
I agree with day tripper. I ve been on this site way before MR social and ever since he joined this site all of his post have had a clear pattern.
Day tripper wrote
Post a pic of yourself. If you truly believe you're that ugly
Mr social is alwayse complaining about his looks. Once and for all just give us a glimpse and lets end this drama. Honestly I dont think he will ever do it cause he looks ok. He might not be a stallon but I am pretty sure he looks good like most of the members I ve seen on this site.
I am going to guess that his real problems are not his looks.
Why does this tread constantly keep reapearing. I mean the names changes but its still the same topic.
I can sympathise with you. In every single group situation I ever find myself in I am the ugliest looking person present. Every time I go to a bar I am always the ugliest person there. Yes, it is a huge stumbling block. Yes, I get given a hard time about it by strangers, that is how ugly I look. But no, it isn't the end of the world.
It may mean that life is a bit more of a struggle but it doesn't mean that you can't live a life.
i consider myself to be pretty good looking and have been told so but it doesn't make me feel better about myself in any meaningful way. when i was younger i was concious about my height, early adulthood-look too young, noone sees me as an adult, now-personality isn't good enough, social freak etc etc.. and it doesn't give me any extra confidence to combat SA-same fear, shakes, pounding heart.. self-esteem is about your whole self.
ok, if you're as bad looking as you think you are you ouldnb't know because you are too ignorant...
good looking shy people are just as bad, it's just you have the misfortune of peope having to find out the HARD way. "hey, what's your name?" "......" "ok, ok....bye...." and it's over. no matter how much they liked your looks. you're making like way too easy by being 'ugly',
it's the same for ugly outgoing people. they can look horrible or fat or whatever you think you don't think popular people are.. but they can still get all the girls, know everyone and be higher on the social ladder despite EVERYTHING you think is holding you back.
as I said, "i'm ugly" is just an easy way out....don't hide behind that barrier feeling forry for your looks when theres actual stuff that matters that you can be working on!
A few months ago I was watching a documentary about people who suffer from 'Body dysmorphia' whish is a mental illness where people imagine that they are ugly. One girl on it was attractive and she had a succesful career, yet she imagined that she was ugly!
I also remember a newspaper story about a male model who killed himself because he was convinced he was ugly!
I'm just saying that even the most attractive people can be insecure about everything. Having good looks means nothing without having a feeling of self worth.
Thank you "of_darkness". That's exactly what I was trying to explain.
Social avoidance is not always about looks. Beautiful people can suffer from social avoidance too (even if they have no good reason). It's just easier for an "ugly" person to justify because it seems more logical. Beautiful people don't always succeed and they put a lot of pressure on themselves because people expect more. Oh sure she's pretty she can get any job or boyfriend etc. That's what I hate. A lot of times (regardless of looks and poeples expectations) you DON'T SUCCEED in getting those things. Then you see other girls who are "less pretty" and their very sociable / have the good looking guy and look on top of the world. All the while you're being treated like a snob or social freak. Some people who consider themselves "ugly" have been able to acheive more than me ("a pretty girl") and have not gone through social avoidance. Can you explain that social retard? You need to get pas the "ugly" label and find something you like about yourself and move on. If not, you will forever be a victim ... not just of those who call you ugly but of yourself. Here's a challenge: Find something beautiful about yourself (a talent such as playing guitar or whatever it is you do) and show the world what you've got. What do you have to lose. I don't think you'll feel worse than you do now. You may actually even be surprised. People may respond better to you and let you succeed more than the "good looking guy". If you disagree with me, than prove it by puting the theory to the test. If you are going to respond by saying you already have...then try again would be my answer.
I'll concede. I'm sure it is easier to have SA and be physically beautiful than to have SA and be physically "ugly". All I'm saying is we should not let ourselves be overcome by it to the point where we can't live productive/happy lives. Obviously, "social ret." needs lots of encouragement to get past this issue (we all do that's why were here on this forum). My previous comments were meant to help...and I hope it didn't come across like I was trying to minimize his situation. Best of luck to him.
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