Lack of interest in other people.

Weirdo

Well-known member
#1
I have noticed that the reason I often don't know what to say is that, I don't care enough about other people so my mind doesn't even bother with coming up with something.

Most people's lives are so goddamn uninteresting that, talking to them would be a waste of breath, since they are like carbon copies of each other. Just a few examples - I have a roommate and I could ask him about how he spent the holidays or how was his day etc. but I really don't give a ****. I wonder if normal people have genuine interest in talking about stuff like that or they just learned to fake it 24/7.

The opposite example is my former date(she was interesting, unlike most people) - we talked and talked for hours and I really enjoyed our conversations and even when I felt like there's nothing else I have to say, we kept talking for another 2 hours(then I had to leave).

Bottom line: I can have a nice conversation if I have a genuine interest in the person. So if I want to overcome my SP I have to learn to care about others; that's going to be tough.
 
#3
I don't know if I actually take interest in other people's lives... I don't know whether I ask about other people because I want to deepen our relationship or whether I actually want to know. I think it's a bit of both, actually. :p
 
#4
I have noticed that the reason I often don't know what to say is that, I don't care enough about other people so my mind doesn't even bother with coming up with something.

Most people's lives are so goddamn uninteresting that, talking to them would be a waste of breath, since they are like carbon copies of each other. Just a few examples - I have a roommate and I could ask him about how he spent the holidays or how was his day etc. but I really don't give a ****. I wonder if normal people have genuine interest in talking about stuff like that or they just learned to fake it 24/7.

The opposite example is my former date(she was interesting, unlike most people) - we talked and talked for hours and I really enjoyed our conversations and even when I felt like there's nothing else I have to say, we kept talking for another 2 hours(then I had to leave).

Bottom line: I can have a nice conversation if I have a genuine interest in the person. So if I want to overcome my SP I have to learn to care about others; that's going to be tough.
This is exactly how I feel. I really don't have any interest in the vast majority of people I interact with on a daily basis. I have a sort of 'script' of questions that I fall back on, banal stuff like "How was your weekend?", which I use when I can summon the energy to be bothered, but that just makes me feel fake. I wonder about other people too - whether they have a genuine interest when they ask these questions, or whether they're all just faking it.

But on the rare occasions when I meet someone I am interested in, I'm curious to know all about them. I go from one extreme to another.
 
#6
I don't ask other people questions and especially not about their lives, because frankly I wouldn't feel comfortable if they were asking me about my life. I just don't want to bother them or put them in awkward situations. I feel that if something isn't pleasant to me, it's not pleasant to anybody.

Even if I would like to know more about them, or I when I see they have problems and I would like to help them, I can't bring myself to asking them and offering my help. Although I want to be useful and helpful and interested, there is something that I am not able to overcome. It's like a huge block.
 

Hellhound

Super Moderator
#7
This happens to me when I go to school... Everyone talk about the same boring crap, same jokes ("jokes" that are not really funny at all, they just laugh at everything like idiots), same everything... Whenever I listen to them, my mind goes numb and I want to puke.
I suppose that some people fake and pretend to enjoy the conversation just to talk about something or just fit in... while others are braindead like that and truly have interest in those things. The people I have the disgrace of meeting everytime I go to school (most of them) happen to be the braindead ones. It's sad...

I find interest in other's lives and I can enjoy a conversation when the other person has something interesting to say, a good story to tell, an interesting personality, something that goes beyond any crap they have done on the weekend or any disgusting sexual topics. This is why I don't enjoy most people's company (in real life at least), they bore me at the point of meltning all my brain cells. Also, I consider them close minded, unfriendly and judgemental.
 

lyricalliaisons

Well-known member
#8
I am interested in others' lives. I've always been very curious as to how others see the world & view things. But I'm too afraid to talk to them, plus, all people want to talk about is stuff I don't care about knowing.
 

overcome.

Well-known member
#9
I have mixed opinions, likely depending on my mood at the time I guess. If I think of things more in depth, such as socialising with others that I don't know in an awkward situation, then I'll probably even 'fantasise' in my head about how well it'll go, then reality will hit and I'll remember about anxiety/phobia problems. From that, I'll probably dismiss the whole thing/event and think that I'm better off avoiding the scenario by staying in one of my few comfort zones. Well, at least I'm honest about it, I can stay in comfort zones too often. I'm working on changing it though and I'm making good progress pretty much most of the time, but I'm not quite where I want to be yet socially.
 
#10
I'm going to sound like an a**hole for this but - I really don't give a crap about other people. What they did on the weekend, how their life is going, if they're on drugs/having a baby - you know, it's just convo filler. Talking about interesting topics and deep conversation with someone I trust is really what I'd rather be doing. Unfortunately that's out of the question at the moment.
My brother agrees with me on this, but my parents could crap on for hours with all their pointless small-talk ("Oh, did you hear, so-and-so from across the street just got engaged to some guy! How wonderful! It brings some small shred of happiness into my otherwise depressingly pathetic existence!"). All my friends seem to do is repeat inside jokes over and over until it just becomes unbearable. SA/AvPD conbined with my complete apathy toward the lives of others just makes socializing all the more fun! *fake smile*
 
#11
I can completely relate. I'm very comfortable in situations where I don't have to interact, but can simply observe while other people do the talking to each other. That allows me to sort of tune out the boring stuff I don't care about with my own thoughts, and focus back in when something interests me. One to one interaction or being put on the spot to say something makes me feel like I have to work, because I can't express my real thoughts either because they're unrelated or wouldn't be considered appropriate (i.e. openly disagreeing with something, saying "I don't care", or saying nothing at all). It's like I'm being forced into a role I have no interest in: the good listener and conversationist. It's not merely human presence that disturbs me, but really the expected roles you're assigned which accompany that human presence.

To quote Mia Wallace: "That's when you know you've found somebody special. When you can just shut the **** up for a minute and comfortably enjoy the silence."
 
Last edited:

slicknsly

Well-known member
#12
I think most people dont really care about others lives. They just act like they do so they can share their stories of somthing they think will interest the other. People just like to be heard, talk about their own ideas,to gain self assurance be liked and other stuff. Its like when someone is in love, they really dont love the other person, but they love how the other person make them feel. Its selfish. I think people with SA dont want to share their side because of some type of fear or anxiety that it wont be accepted. Thats what I rekon at least.
 
#13
I think most people dont really care about others lives. They just act like they do so they can share their stories of somthing they think will interest the other. People just like to be heard, talk about their own ideas,to gain self assurance be liked and other stuff. Its like when someone is in love, they really dont love the other person, but they love how the other person make them feel. Its selfish. I think people with SA dont want to share their side because of some type of fear or anxiety that it wont be accepted. Thats what I rekon at least.
I agree to a certain extent, but I feel like one of the reasons I don't like interacting is that I don't have that "need" others have for having themselves heard in most conversations, or hearing what others have to say, and pretending I do requires an amount of energy expenditure that I'm not willing or not compelled to give. I suppose it's really like interaction feels negatively reinforced in most cases. Sitting there and not giving a response or reciprocating with equally inane chatter results in negative responses from others. Silence doesn't receive the appreciation it should in our culture.
 
#15
I specifically made an account just to post on this... it seems to be an old thread, but I thought I'd add my input on it.

I can totally agree with you, in fact a lot of my social anxiety started with having to cope and go along with all the 'silly chat' or 'stupid talk' that a good majority of people do... even many people who are polite and mature don't have anything interesting to say or talk about, and I too lose interest in people like this! It's like I'd rather find people to be with to have a fun and good time, who have great and wonderful values and have deep meaningful things to talk about, but a balance of all that AND 'small-talk' or chit-chat stuff....

Maybe It's from past experience we feel this way about some people, that we are tired of the 'me me me' selfish talk, always about them, or the simple boring topics that are ALWAYS brought up...
 

this_portrait

Well-known member
#16
Count me among the ones who don't care about the happenings in other people's lives.

In addition to not caring, I find that I seem to lack empathy, for the most part, when it comes to others.

I feel pretty damn awful about this. It makes me a hypocrite, too, and thus quite selfish. At the same time, well, what can I do? You can't exactly make yourself feel something that isn't there.

So you're stuck faking it. In fact, I think most 'normal' folks do fake interest in others, not just for their own gains but because it's so ingrained in human interaction. It's like people are robots. Case in point? I've seen people do the whole "Hi, how are you?" interaction in less than a minute, and sometimes one person won't even be respond to the "What about you?" question.

It's all so bizarre.
 

A86

Well-known member
#17
I'm curious. can any native Germans comment on this?

I had an interesting conversation with a German person a while ago just about the differences & similarities between the languages & culture...

something that stood out was he mentioned in German they didn't have these "non real questions".
if you asked someone how they were, to be prepared for honest and sometimes lengthy response, because no one asked if they didn't care.

his English was not the best which made talking fun :p, but I wonder if this is primarily an English communication trait?

when was the last time any of you gave an honest response to "how are you?"?
personally I typicaly automatically respond with the default "I am fine" without thinking.
 
#18
Yeah

Say "how are you?"

That is THE phrase I have trouble hearing that from people. It makes me want to knock them out

I might say "how far away is the floor?"

I can come up with an accurate description of everyone else, where life is much better than perfect, and everything comes free. Everyone is jolly. Everyone is gay
 
Last edited:

montejocarlo

Well-known member
#19
it's not so much about the exchange of words nor the acquisition of information regarding another person.

there are people who fake interest during conversations. and while this is distasteful to others, it's not really all that bad. sometimes, the comfort of having someone to talk to is enough. the conversation itself could be easily forgotten. but the time you have spent together and the bond that you have created, it could make a lot of difference in a person's life. in the case of a depressed individual, it could be the fine line that separates life and death for him.
 

Ithior

Well-known member
#20
I have a similar problem. It's not like I think they're all carbon copies of each other or that their lives are uninteresting, or that the interaction is fake.

I see it as going to a class about something you don't know anything about. You don't really ask questions to the teacher since you don't know what the class is about, so you wait for him to start talking and give you a general idea of what goes on in that class. To me, the lives of other people are full of stories/problems/etc that I don't know where to start. I don't know what things I should be asking and what things are inappropriate.

On the contrary, I wait for other people to ask me questions about my life before I start talking about it.
 
Top