It's not like I'm imagining things

[OceanMist]

Hey, I'm in a conversation on OKCupid right now with a woman. She's somewhat ok looking, and we were just talking. I'm feeling bad so I say that I'm kind of mad about how my life has turned out and then she tells me her life hasn't been much better.

Then I say, oh really? Let me ask you something. How many relationships have you been in? She says "a lot." Then I'm like, oh really, well I've been in one. Her answer...."Omg, what is wrong with you?"

Like I thought I was weird before, but this really ices that thought. I'm a freak compared to most people. It just shows why I'm so depressed much of the time, because everyone else is so far ahead of me.

It's crazy because this woman is a year younger than me and has already had so much more relationship experience than me. It makes me wonder.....so where do I go from here?

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

(ahem ahem) Is she single?! (rhetorical question). So, she's been in a bunch of dead end relationships and you've been in only one dead end relationship. Just tell her that sometimes you're overly cautious about giving someone your heart, but you're now ready to take a chance. (OMG moment-WITH HER!....just like in the movies). *wink
Don't worry about it.

 

[OceanMist]

(ahem ahem) Is she single?! (rhetorical question). So, she's been in a bunch of dead end relationships and you've been in only one dead end relationship. Just tell her that sometimes you're overly cautious about giving someone your heart, but you're now ready to take a chance. (OMG moment-WITH HER!....just like in the movies). *wink
Don't worry about it.

I get where you are going with that, but my personal experience is:

I'd rather have a multiple dead end relationships as opposed to the month and a half relationship that I had that ended with rejection.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I know how you feel. But, what's important now is NOT to allow it to hinder you from having a relationship. Put a positive spin on it when you talk to a girl but be honest as well. If you're honest and keep trying the right girl will come along.

 

[Lamb]

I'm sorry Oceanmist, but to me that comes off as very rude and ignorant sounding on her part.

Drop that conversation! Ok.. maybe that's harsh sounding.

She's been in a bunch of relationships? There must be a reason why she's single at this point.

Everyone progresses with relationships at different paces (which I'm sure you know). I take it you've taken time to do some soul searching and improve whatever you feel faulty in. Otherwise you wouldn't be on these threads. That counts for alot. Try not to take it to heart.

 

[FollowMe]

I have a few comments, questions, etc. Why would you even consider continuing your conversation with someone who would say something so cruel. She's not understanding at all, and that is not what you need (not to tell you what you do or don't need). I think it's a fair assumption that you need someone who is understanding... We all do.

You think that you would feel more confident about yourself if you had more relationships. Try not to make your life of relationships into a numbers game. Quality, not quantity... And don't make the mistake of thinking that you need quantity before you have quality. Do you know how many people out there haven't been in relationships or have found happiness after one or two?

A few comments on "weird". Weird is not bad, we're all freakin' weird. Every single one of us is weird; everyone in the world. You are most definitely weird like everyone else, but you are NOT insignificant for your lack of multiple relationships. It's all in your head. You are heading down a road where you believe the shallow things that I'm sure you once thought below you. If you start to believe the shallowness then you will become shallow.

 

[jaim38]

I don't think you should invest your time in her. Why don't you tell her that quality matters more than quantity and having more relationship experiences doesn't guarantee you happiness in the end. Some people go thru multiple relationships but end up alone.

Also you're not a freak. I've never been in a relationship myself and I'm fine with it.

 

[OceanMist]

I know how you feel. But, what's important now is NOT to allow it to hinder you from having a relationship. Put a positive spin on it when you talk to a girl but be honest as well. If you're honest and keep trying the right girl will come along.

You may be right but this isn't an attempt to get with this girl.

It's more of just a casual conversation among people trying to keep it real.

I'm sorry, but I just don't see virginity type stuff as positive. Granted, I'm not a virgin, but the fact that I've only been in on relationship isn't a good thing. It means I've been avoiding talking to enough females to get something worthwile.

 

[Hellhound]

Time to dump her and move on. She's obviously utterly stupid.

 

[OceanMist]

I'm sorry Oceanmist, but to me that comes off as very rude and ignorant sounding on her part.

Drop that conversation! Ok.. maybe that's harsh sounding.

She's been in a bunch of relationships? There must be a reason why she's single at this point.

Everyone progresses with relationships at different paces (which I'm sure you know). I take it you've taken time to do some soul searching and improve whatever you feel faulty in. Otherwise you wouldn't be on these threads. That counts for alot. Try not to take it to heart.

This is kind of a "oh, she's rude so she must be wrong" accusation.

Anyone can be single at any time, no matter how nice or great they are.

As for me, I haven't taken enough time to do soul searching, so she's kind of right. Hell, I took a good 5 years off from trying with women.

 

[Hellhound]

the fact that I've only been in on relationship isn't a good thing. It means I've been avoiding talking to enough females to get something worthwile.

Have you avoided them or have they acted like this one girl? Because there's a difference.

 

[OceanMist]

Time to dump her and move on. She's obviously utterly stupid.

Um, I'm not going out with her. Just a woman I'm talking to. Maybe i should have said that earlier.

 

[OceanMist]

Have you avoided them or have they acted like this one girl? Because there's a difference.

You are a female. You know that your gender doesn't love shyness. The fact that I've only been in one relationship isn't a positive for most women.

I know you know that.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

You may be right but this isn't an attempt to get with this girl.

It's more of just a casual conversation among people trying to keep it real.

I'm sorry, but I just don't see virginity type stuff as positive. Granted, I'm not a virgin, but the fact that I've only been in on relationship isn't a good thing. It means I've been avoiding talking to enough females to get something worthwile.

Well, it's reality! And, either you can let it impede you or move on. Part of moving on is to accept it as a lesson. As lamb stated, I'm sure you've been using this time to do some soul searching. What have you learned about yourself? What have you improved? Tell your future girl this. She will understand. If she doesn't (spoiler alert) she's not the right one for you!

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

I remember my first girlfriend. She was very experienced and I felt intimidated. She was also very judgmental. So, I lied to her and ended up in a long term mess that lasted years. Now I've learned, I'm just going to be me. Yes, that will have a lot of women running in the other direction. So be it! We all have our issues! The problem with dating today, is that everyone conceals them and tries to be someone that they're not......I'm all for putting your best foot out, but accept who you are and look at the positives. The rest will fall in place if you move your insecurities out of the way first!

 

[OceanMist]

Well, it's reality! And, either you can let it impede you or move on. Part of moving on is to accept it as a lesson. As lamb stated, I'm sure you've been using this time to do some soul searching. What have you learned about yourself? What have you improved? Tell your future girl this. She will understand. If she doesn't (spoiler alert) she's not the right one for you!

That's the thing. I've always been me. I've never seen anything wrong with me, but apparently I'm not exactly the alpha male.

I'm one of those guys that gets rejected on first dates because I'm too quiet.

You ask what I've learned about myself? It's that I'm too quiet for most women.

I've improved somewhat on social skills, but I'm alone so what does that tell you?

You say why is this woman alone? Then why am I alone? Haha, if she's a failure, then I'm a failure tenfold. Just saying.

 

[Lonely_Writer]

I say you stop talking with her, but I don't know the situation in any particular depth between you two. If she's so insecure with herself that she has to deflect her problems and amplify yours, she's no keeper.

As for the relationship situation, don't feel bad. The longest relationship I had was for two months. There's nothing "wrong with you". You just aren't out sleeping with everyone in town.

 

[Hellhound]

You are a female. You know that your gender doesn't love shyness. The fact that I've only been in one relationship isn't a positive for most women.

I know you know that.

You need to start meeting the other percentage of them who don't mind it. I know there are

It's trial and error, though. You will come across a lot of dummies before you find "the one"

Besides, have you tried joining sites relevant to your interests to make friends there? You know, so you can find others with similar tastes. It makes it easier to find someone you can relate to.

 

[Hellhound]

There's nothing "wrong with you". You just aren't out sleeping with everyone in town.

And that is a bonus point, trust me.

 

[FollowMe]

That's the thing. I've always been me. I've never seen anything wrong with me, but apparently I'm not exactly the alpha male.

You've never seen anything wrong with you... and... you're HERE! Funny.

There's almost nothing anyone can say to persuade you that your are being irrational. You believe what you want to believe...

What I can say to you which might make a little sense (to you) is this. The goal isn't to find someone while you're in your current state of mind who will suddenly LIFT you out of your troubles and open a whole new world of happiness and love! Work on your happiness by yourself... Your passions, goals, positive attributes. Work on this until you consider yourself happy. Then you find a girl and you make HER happy. Ever consider that you are being quite selfish? Again, like in all other posts I've made, I've been down the same path and and up again.