it's been a while

razzle dazzle rose

Well-known member
TOO LONG!

But I am back. I even forgot my password and had to do this whole password-resetting business to get back in. Boo. Anyways, I finally did it. I am back. I had not meant to leave for so long, although now I understand I had to. Do any of you even remember me? :sad: Well, I remember A LOT of you (lots of new faces too, hello all :) ). This place was good for me while I was hiding from the world. The connections we make here are very real and meaningful (although sometimes too much for me and I have to go away and hide. sorry.)

I went through my old posts to see where I had left off. Apparently I haven't posted anything in over a year! Time flies. So pretty much everything in my life has changed since then. I have overcome a lot of hurdles and am still in the process of overcoming others. I am no longer a hermit hiding in my room not going outside for days at a time. No longer lounging in my sad oversized gray sweatshirt. I was going through the worst depression of my life, fearing the end, and I took a leap, a chance, just to see what could happen...

What really helped was finally getting a job. It got me out of my shell. It was so hard those first months. But I stuck it out because I knew I couldn't quit, and what I got was the best exposure therapy ever. I also lost weight. And just started doing things for the fu*k of it (nothing destructive of course. been there done that.) The experiments continue, but what I have concluded so far is that I am not as weird or freaky as I thought. I am okay. I deserve to go after what I want. I am worthy.

A major puzzle piece was recently found via my work with a therapist (yup, I finally gave in and started seeing one.) My diagnosis explains so many things; and will now be the start of a new healing process. I am both excited and scared of the new changes medication will bring (starting a new regimen very soon.) I had a difficult period coming to terms with it, but have come to accept it. I just want to get better. I want to have the life I have always wanted and know I am capable of having. Of course, I am still filled with doubts, and some days feel like too much. I just keep reminding myself I can't give up.

There is so much more to say but I don't know quite how to put it into words. I just wanted to come back and say "yo" :giggle: I will poke around here and there. I am not online as much as I used to be. I've cut way down. But I don't want to be stranger anymore.
 
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