its all just an act?

doubleM

Well-known member
ive noticed that everything i say in a social situation is all like an act. i am completely incapable of expressing my true emotions to people. ive been told that before by a few people who noticed it.
im the type of SA person who puts up a farce of being ok. i was probably worse about it when i was a teenager cuz i was so nervous at school i could never say what i really thought. i had a really pretentious nature. i would try to show off, say stupid stuff, break rules just to seem cool. i still do that to some degree but not as bad. i will do something silly and then feel dumb later for doing it. part of that is my nature becuz i like to irritate people. but i always do it becuz i think it will impress someone...which usually doesnt work.
im just a total loner and thinker by nature. im not a talker. when someone approaches me to socialize, i get extremely nervous, but i put up that act of being nice to them...all while in my mind im like "please for the love of god go away and leave me alone!" there have been few people that really made me feel comfortable.
i think part of this stems from my relationship with my parents. my dad would always respond with negativity to everything i said. and a big part of it was at school as a kid i was tortured and made fun of everyday for years by a group of kids. then i just shut real self up inside and began to put on a face for people.
there were also times when people were slam dunking me/putting me down....and i did not fight back. i just said something like "uh ok sorry". when the real me inside would have said "**** off and get outta my way". im always looking back wishing i had stood up to certain people. but the actor took over.
the world does not even know the real me. the real me only exists here in my room when im alone. does anybody else notice that about their anxiety?
 
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Oh yeah brother, you just explained myself.
I'm starting to wonder if I have an identity crisis.
I think I know who I am, but a lot of situations and thoughts make me wonder if I really do.
I feel as though I can be anyone, given the situation.
What happens with me is I'll usually subconsciously act like the person I'm talking to or hanging out with. I'm also the person who stays quiet 90% of the time, but when I do speak it's going to be that lame one-liner think I'm funny with small "haha that wasn't funny" laughter.
Sometimes I wonder if what I say is out of line. I don't think it is, but others have told me I appear arrogant in some way. Which is far from who I see myself as.

Another way to explain it sometimes is that I'm the observer watching myself, and constantly analyzing where I should be, what I should do, how I should act, how I should be sitting/standing, and on and on. It gets ridiculous. That's why I prefer to be alone, but at the same time wish I could let everyone else know of the me that is really me. I can never seem to manifest myself out there.
It sucks.
 

doubleM

Well-known member
Oh yeah brother, you just explained myself.
I'm starting to wonder if I have an identity crisis.
I think I know who I am, but a lot of situations and thoughts make me wonder if I really do.
I feel as though I can be anyone, given the situation.
What happens with me is I'll usually subconsciously act like the person I'm talking to or hanging out with. I'm also the person who stays quiet 90% of the time, but when I do speak it's going to be that lame one-liner think I'm funny with small "haha that wasn't funny" laughter.
Sometimes I wonder if what I say is out of line. I don't think it is, but others have told me I appear arrogant in some way. Which is far from who I see myself as.

Another way to explain it sometimes is that I'm the observer watching myself, and constantly analyzing where I should be, what I should do, how I should act, how I should be sitting/standing, and on and on. It gets ridiculous. That's why I prefer to be alone, but at the same time wish I could let everyone else know of the me that is really me. I can never seem to manifest myself out there.
It sucks.

yeah i do that too. i analyze situations to protect myself. or just follow and do what the other person does.
sometimes i wonder if people would actually like me if i just did whatever i really wanted instead of worrying. but then i doubt they would. theres that old saying you should always be yourself.....but i digress.
im to the point now where im like, i dont care if you dont like me, im better off by myself. and i have discovered that i can work better and be more productive alone, than with others.
 
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lol ninja turtles.

Man I was gonna right somethin real good here, but damn I'm so high.
Ok I'll come back here later.

I mean not right, write. Or was it Wright
 

Untamed88

Well-known member
DoubleM, you just descrbied me.

I am completely different. I can be a bit cruel. Its not how I am at all. I just struggle through. I am screaming insults in my head when I talk to people because I just want them to leave me alone.
 

X-Rated

Well-known member
ive noticed that everything i say in a social situation is all like an act. i am completely incapable of expressing my true emotions to people. ive been told that before by a few people who noticed it.
im the type of SA person who puts up a farce of being ok. i was probably worse about it when i was a teenager cuz i was so nervous at school i could never say what i really thought. i had a really pretentious nature. i would try to show off, say stupid stuff, break rules just to seem cool. i still do that to some degree but not as bad. i will do something silly and then feel dumb later for doing it. part of that is my nature becuz i like to irritate people. but i always do it becuz i think it will impress someone...which usually doesnt work.
im just a total loner and thinker by nature. im not a talker. when someone approaches me to socialize, i get extremely nervous, but i put up that act of being nice to them...all while in my mind im like "please for the love of god go away and leave me alone!" there have been few people that really made me feel comfortable.
i think part of this stems from my relationship with my parents. my dad would always respond with negativity to everything i said. and a big part of it was at school as a kid i was tortured and made fun of everyday for years by a group of kids. then i just shut real self up inside and began to put on a face for people.
there were also times when people were slam dunking me/putting me down....and i did not fight back. i just said something like "uh ok sorry". when the real me inside would have said "**** off and get outta my way". im always looking back wishing i had stood up to certain people. but the actor took over.
the world does not even know the real me. the real me only exists here in my room when im alone. does anybody else notice that about their anxiety?

that's exactly how i behave myself too ..... i always try to put on a mask to hide my true self and always say jokes and goofy stuff and appear as a rather superficial person , although i'm not, and can't make progress in a relationship....i'm always stuck at the small talk part....
I think the answer is to keep trying untill u`ll hopefully find someone who completely understands u and u won't need to pretend.....hope is all we got:(
 
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