Invitations

[Hoppy]

Do you ever get invitations?

The actual reason I'm asking, and I'm also sort of looking for advice here.

I have a female cousin, about the only family member I have ever sort of connected with, and I knew her daughter since she was very small. The daughter is now getting married, and I haven't got an invitation. They did give an invition to my parents, and apparently my name is on that, but I haven't even been shown the card yet ( 2 months now).

I did talk to her on the phone and told her I would like my own invitation, and was argued with. So at present I am really upset, and are seriously considering boycotting the wedding.

And I am also considering breaking the realtionship altogether. I consider it an insult to be treated like a child ( I am 41 years old), as if I not important enough or adult enough to have my own invitation.

Also the fact that I feel cheated by people I've spend many years trying to build a relationship with. If I dump them, I would have no friends left, nowhere, and I would have to start from scratch again.

What would you do or recommend?

 

[Hoppy]

Anyone?

 

[Sora]

I do from a few friends but not really from family.

 

[Silatuyok]

I would recommend not boycotting the wedding. Some things, even though they are a big deal to you, just DO NOT seem like a big deal to other people, no matter how much you try to make them understand how you feel. She probably just feels like it's not a big deal, end of story, you don't get what you want. It's not a very considerate way to be on her part, but I find that most people are not as considerate as they should be to others.
I've never been good at the whole proper etiquette thing. When I got married, I sent out an invite to my aunt's house, which was supposed to include all of her six fully grown children and their families. It wasn't until people started complaining about not being invited that I was like, oops, guess I should have done the work and sent out individual invites.
I know it doesn't seem like it to you, but to her and to everyone else I think that breaking off the relationship would seem like a huge over-reaction, and will probably just make you look like you're throwing a temper tantrum, in their eyes.
Be the better person. Forgive your cousin's daughter for her selfish oversight, and grace her with your presence on her wedding day.

 

[coyote]

maybe she was just trying to save on stamps

or the cost of the invitations (those can get expensive)

or the time it takes to write them all out, lick, stamp, mail, etc...

you're invited - go - enjoy

it's not YOUR day anyway - you're going to show your love for your cousin's daughter and to wish her well

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

I don't get many invitations these days, but for weddings and stuff, one is usually sent and it includes the whole family. I can see why you are pissed and hurt, you are very close to them. You brought the issue up with them though- I am curious as to what was said and how it was handled. You said you were argued with and that doesn't sound good :/

But don't boycott the wedding and end the relationship you have with these people. You say they are your only friends, and they are also family. Sometimes we end relationships because of small problems that get blown out of proportion. I should know. I have done that so many times, and I regret each single one. Go enjoy the wedding and have cake, oh, the cake! (I've never actually been to a proper wedding and all, and I have wild dreams of eating fancy wedding cake. Ha!)

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Any invitations to family events that I get are addressed to my mother with my name beneath hers (usually just listed 'guest')
My older sister doesn't get her own invitations either - but she very rarely attends any weddings/funerals.

If you feel that it's so insulting that you'd break off from them just for not receiving an invitation, there must be other reasons why... I can't see all of that trouble and hurt being over a piece of paper.

Perhaps it was easier to just send one with your name on it?
Maybe they weren't sure of the address-- or the address was the same as someone else's?
Maybe they were saving paper by only sending a few?

Anyway... I think you should think about it a bit more and if you're really insulted, bring it up with one of the organizers calmly to hear their reasoning for not sending you your own.
If it were your cousin's wedding, I'd understand you being mad about not getting your own-- since you connect with her; but it's her daughter's wedding.
Priority is usually given to immediate family and the wedding party itself - depending on the size.
I doubt you were overlooked, since your name is on an invitation.

You might want to think twice about boycotting it over something potentially silly- like a piece of paper.

 

[Hoppy]

Thanks for the replies, it helped me clear my head and start thinking rationally.

just make you look like you're throwing a temper tantrum

Thanks for descibing it like that. It is exactly what it was, even if it only happened in my own head.::

maybe she was just trying to save on stamps

It was hand delivered. She actually walked past me and gave it to my parents.

And as for the cost, the groom is rich, and the cost of the wedding is about 4 years of my salary.

you're invited - go - enjoy

Me enjoy a social occasion?

You brought the issue up with them though

I did talk to my cousin and told her I haven't got an invitation and are still expecting one. In her reaction it was more the tone of voive that put me of. I should have expected that, I know her well enough by now.

Priority is usually given to immediate family and the wedding party itself

I'm supposed to sit at the main table. Please note, that was I as told by other people. The actual people involved hasn't yet formally asked me or discussed it with me.

Any invitations to family events that I get are addressed to my mother

And I think that is my problem. The standard issue is always people tell my mother and she never tells me and the first I hear about it is the morning of the occasion. I'm more angry with her than with them and I am transferring it to them.

Laxative in the Champagne, I suggest.

I was actually considering a machine gun at one point, but like the laxative idea.

But I will see them again before the wedding. And we will have a long, very adult non-screaming conversation about this, and hopefully clear the air a bit. Restoring trust and confidence will take a lot longer.

Thanks.