I'm tired of this shit.

[Lonely_Guy28]

I don't know where to start,but i'm 28 years old,turning 29,and this social anxiety is eating me inside.I can't even function around people properly.Everytime I get the anxiety in public,it's like a short circuit goes off in my body and I can't talk properly,I can't look people in the eye,I lose confidence etc.It's like being C3-Po for a day.
I don't even have a girlfriend because of this painful issue that im having.I'm not a bad looking guy,but my low self esteem makes me ugly,and I know it's the truth.People can sense it a mile away.I mean just today at work,the supervisor was being a ****,and started poking fun at me,because I only work part time and thinks im collecting a welfare check.There was another co-worker there looking @ me,and I just froze,I didn't know what to say.I could have dissed him back,but the anxiety made me almost non-functional.They both just glared at me with despise wondering what was wrong with me.I tried shrugging it off like I didn't care and changed the subject,but it hurt inside because he offended me,and I felt like a coward because I didn't say nothing back.
So much for the boxing lessons that I have been taking,not much of a confidence booster.I really don't know what to do,I just feel worthless,and this is really hurting me inside.It really is.I'm calling for help but no one will listen.What the **** is wrong with me?

 

[dottie]

ugh, i'm sorry you're feeling this way... definitely relate. i think the key is finding a spot (job, whatever) where you are comfortable... which can take a long time. you might have to compromise money and take a pay cut to get away from insufferable ****s and work around friendlier people. it is worth it.

"before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes."

 

[Lonely_Guy28]

ugh, i'm sorry you're feeling this way... definitely relate. i think the key is finding a spot (job, whatever) where you are comfortable... which can take a long time. you might have to compromise money and take a pay cut to get away from insufferable ****s and work around friendlier people. it is worth it.

"before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with assholes."

The thing is I don't know what to say to these assholes when the time comes.I don't want to pull out my fists either.That's what bothers me,I feel incapable to function like a normal human being.A normal human being would not take *** shit from nobody.
And yes,like you said,I might have to take a pay cut to get away from these kind of people.It seems like it's always someone in position of power,getting off on that power trip to put others down.It pisses me off,when people try to get through the day,day by day,then you have some a-hole come along and shit on your sharade.mg:

 

[Richey]

So, maybe some self help audiobooks, they can really help. So you just play them over and over again until they start working.

 

[FelipeSantos]

I don't know where to start,but i'm 28 years old,turning 29,and this social anxiety is eating me inside.I can't even function around people properly.Everytime I get the anxiety in public,it's like a short circuit goes off in my body and I can't talk properly,I can't look people in the eye,I lose confidence etc.It's like being C3-Po for a day.
I don't even have a girlfriend because of this painful issue that im having.I'm not a bad looking guy,but my low self esteem makes me ugly,and I know it's the truth.People can sense it a mile away.I mean just today at work,the supervisor was being a ****,and started poking fun at me,because I only work part time and thinks im collecting a welfare check.There was another co-worker there looking @ me,and I just froze,I didn't know what to say.I could have dissed him back,but the anxiety made me almost non-functional.They both just glared at me with despise wondering what was wrong with me.I tried shrugging it off like I didn't care and changed the subject,but it hurt inside because he offended me,and I felt like a coward because I didn't say nothing back.
So much for the boxing lessons that I have been taking,not much of a confidence booster.I really don't know what to do,I just feel worthless,and this is really hurting me inside.It really is.I'm calling for help but no one will listen.What the **** is wrong with me?

Hey man I'm exactly like you I fell the same thing around people, I never had a girl and I tired of this. I entered this forum to find someone like me to talk about it, if you want to talk I would like to.
Together we are stronger and yes I like chiche phrases kkkkkk

send me your skype or something.

 

[1139]

i know how you feel bro im about your age and have had one long term relationship but i havnt met anyone else yet and starting to question myself and whether anyone will ever love me again etc. Life is not meant to be lived alone and single.

 

[R3K]

you have to diss them back or they're gonna continue riding this welfare recipient joke for all it's worth. or twist it and laugh with them. they've smelled blood, it's their instinct now to go for the kill.

 

[Daniel089]

I don't know where to start,but i'm 28 years old,turning 29,and this social anxiety is eating me inside.I can't even function around people properly.Everytime I get the anxiety in public,it's like a short circuit goes off in my body and I can't talk properly,I can't look people in the eye,I lose confidence etc.It's like being C3-Po for a day.
I don't even have a girlfriend because of this painful issue that im having.I'm not a bad looking guy,but my low self esteem makes me ugly,and I know it's the truth.People can sense it a mile away.I mean just today at work,the supervisor was being a ****,and started poking fun at me,because I only work part time and thinks im collecting a welfare check.There was another co-worker there looking @ me,and I just froze,I didn't know what to say.I could have dissed him back,but the anxiety made me almost non-functional.They both just glared at me with despise wondering what was wrong with me.I tried shrugging it off like I didn't care and changed the subject,but it hurt inside because he offended me,and I felt like a coward because I didn't say nothing back.
So much for the boxing lessons that I have been taking,not much of a confidence booster.I really don't know what to do,I just feel worthless,and this is really hurting me inside.It really is.I'm calling for help but no one will listen.What the **** is wrong with me?

Cheer up man.

Let me tell you my story: I was active here last year for long but I realized I don't have phobia, I'm just simply lazy to start making friends and meet girls, and was only a bit shy. In the last 10 months I had dates with more than 2 dozens of girls. more than 1 month ago I saw a girl not far from my home, walking home with her dog, went after her a bit, introduced myself, we talked about each other until we said goodbye, we continued chatting on facebook but I soon realized she doesn't want a relationship at all. I don't know why but I started looking at her facebook profile, then her sister's, then her sister's friends'. Her sister's friend is my girlfriend right now. My first real girlfriend in my life and I'm 24 years old. Last week we met everyday and we are happy together even if she's a bit younger (17) So don't give up on anything...

The first step is always hard but since you're a dude, there's more chance the girl is even more puzzled in a date. If you wanna meet girls, talk to them like you talked to your 6 year old niece for example. Take it easy, friendly, be nice and just be yourself, (don't think of embarrasing pickup lines, etc...)

If you dwell on something hard, if you want something sooo much you would do anything to reach that "goal", then you will get nothing, you will fail, trust me, experience. Boxing won't make you a Casanova, it'll only get you into a better shape. What's inside you is more important!

 

[eternalnewb]

Hey Lonely_guy28,
If it helps at all your not the only one feeling like this. I just turned 29 this summer, being so close to thirty it really makes you evaluate your life. I was working at a job with some really nasty people, I honestly think they can sense which people are the easy targets and go after them. I can never think of what to say at the time, afterwards I would always beat myself up about what I should have said or done. After 3 years I left that job earlier this year and as soon as I did there was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I find it really hard to interact with people and working in a negative environment made it worse. With my new job I'm still not good with people but at least they are a better group of people. Do you really enjoy your current job? If so then I would suggest you try and stand up for yourself next time, which I know is easier said than done. Otherwise maybe start looking for something else.

 

[Quietguy11]

I completely turned antisocial toward the real world as a result of the anxiety and inferiority I feel within myself from it. No matter how hard I try to fit in, I always feel out of sync with it all. The problem is I don't physically show signs of my anger toward the real world. When you meet me in person you would never know I had these antisocial problems. But when people try to get too close to me, I turn away, because I know it's impossible to connect. I personally think that it gets better with age. Well by better, I mean, easier. I heard that the 20's are the hardest years to get through for people who have social anxiety and other related problems.

 

[theoutsider]

I think you share the same problem that many of us with SA have. You have no middle ground. Either you are very polite, diplomatic and non-confrontational or you are very pissed off and will react accordingly. Because you don't want to have an over the top reaction and actually resort to violence, you force yourself to remain diplomatic and accommodating. It sucks but at least you are not alone. I know this situation very well.

 

[Falkor]

Hey, the freezing problem really sucks, when people look at you and you become totally fearful. But try to picture this, what if they were all cats and dogs? I'm really retarted, but maybe you should just picture there no fearful beings. Say what's on your mind, it's very important, maybe you should do speeches in front of the mirror at home, practice what you would like to say. Imagine scenarios.

And at your job, try to smile more, even if it's fake, try to say Hi, or good morning...

It's very hard and you can't change this within a week, you need serious help on this thing, maybe you need speech therapy, toastmasters (i've heard of that, dunno what it is), uhm do exposure therapy and maybe a new hobby where you need to be social?

good luck.... i'm sorry i'm not much of a help i'm the same.. it's shit! X_x

 

[Lonely_Guy28]

Cheer up man.

Let me tell you my story: I was active here last year for long but I realized I don't have phobia, I'm just simply lazy to start making friends and meet girls, and was only a bit shy. In the last 10 months I had dates with more than 2 dozens of girls. more than 1 month ago I saw a girl not far from my home, walking home with her dog, went after her a bit, introduced myself, we talked about each other until we said goodbye, we continued chatting on facebook but I soon realized she doesn't want a relationship at all. I don't know why but I started looking at her facebook profile, then her sister's, then her sister's friends'. Her sister's friend is my girlfriend right now. My first real girlfriend in my life and I'm 24 years old. Last week we met everyday and we are happy together even if she's a bit younger (17) So don't give up on anything...

The first step is always hard but since you're a dude, there's more chance the girl is even more puzzled in a date. If you wanna meet girls, talk to them like you talked to your 6 year old niece for example. Take it easy, friendly, be nice and just be yourself, (don't think of embarrasing pickup lines, etc...)

If you dwell on something hard, if you want something sooo much you would do anything to reach that "goal", then you will get nothing, you will fail, trust me, experience. Boxing won't make you a Casanova, it'll only get you into a better shape. What's inside you is more important!

Thanks for the story bro,thats really great to hear.Maybe I should put myself out there.Just yesterday I talked to a really nice girl @ the liquor store,but I had so much anxiety I forgot to ask for her number.:kickingmyself: There is still more I have to work on.

 

[Lonely_Guy28]

I completely turned antisocial toward the real world as a result of the anxiety and inferiority I feel within myself from it. No matter how hard I try to fit in, I always feel out of sync with it all. The problem is I don't physically show signs of my anger toward the real world. When you meet me in person you would never know I had these antisocial problems. But when people try to get too close to me, I turn away, because I know it's impossible to connect. I personally think that it gets better with age. Well by better, I mean, easier. I heard that the 20's are the hardest years to get through for people who have social anxiety and other related problems.

Yeah I usuallly stay away from people when they get too close.I agree.It's like you don't want them to see your true self.

 

[Lonely_Guy28]

Hey, the freezing problem really sucks, when people look at you and you become totally fearful. But try to picture this, what if they were all cats and dogs? I'm really retarted, but maybe you should just picture there no fearful beings. Say what's on your mind, it's very important, maybe you should do speeches in front of the mirror at home, practice what you would like to say. Imagine scenarios.

And at your job, try to smile more, even if it's fake, try to say Hi, or good morning...

It's very hard and you can't change this within a week, you need serious help on this thing, maybe you need speech therapy, toastmasters (i've heard of that, dunno what it is), uhm do exposure therapy and maybe a new hobby where you need to be social?

good luck.... i'm sorry i'm not much of a help i'm the same.. it's shit! X_x

No,it helps just knowing I'm not alone in this thing.That's the problem that I have,that I don't say what's on my mind fearing what others will think.I got to start changing that.

 

[Falkor]

No,it helps just knowing I'm not alone in this thing.That's the problem that I have,that I don't say what's on my mind fearing what others will think.I got to start changing that.

Yeah would be good, because then people can hear you... Who you are and speaking will be karma.

 

[Quietguy11]

Yeah I usuallly stay away from people when they get too close.I agree.It's like you don't want them to see your true self.

Pretty much. I just don't feel like I'm able to break through the mental barrier I have up between me and other people. I don't want to be antisocial, and I definitely do not want to avoid people, but these feelings are just too strong, and overbearing sometimes. I can only talk to my psychiatrist, he's the only one I have open communication with because when I talk to him I know I'm able to share what's on my heart. I also feel I can be myself around my mom, we are pretty close. But there's just so many people to list that I can't sync with. Again, this barrier I have up makes me unapproachable to the outside world, and the outside world unapproachable to me. But despite it all, I still have a sincere love and appreciation for all who are in my life.

 

[Solitudes_Grace]

Cheer up man.

Let me tell you my story: I was active here last year for long but I realized I don't have phobia, I'm just simply lazy to start making friends and meet girls, and was only a bit shy. In the last 10 months I had dates with more than 2 dozens of girls. more than 1 month ago I saw a girl not far from my home, walking home with her dog, went after her a bit, introduced myself, we talked about each other until we said goodbye, we continued chatting on facebook but I soon realized she doesn't want a relationship at all. I don't know why but I started looking at her facebook profile, then her sister's, then her sister's friends'. Her sister's friend is my girlfriend right now. My first real girlfriend in my life and I'm 24 years old. Last week we met everyday and we are happy together even if she's a bit younger (17) So don't give up on anything...

The first step is always hard but since you're a dude, there's more chance the girl is even more puzzled in a date. If you wanna meet girls, talk to them like you talked to your 6 year old niece for example. Take it easy, friendly, be nice and just be yourself, (don't think of embarrasing pickup lines, etc...)

If you dwell on something hard, if you want something sooo much you would do anything to reach that "goal", then you will get nothing, you will fail, trust me, experience. Boxing won't make you a Casanova, it'll only get you into a better shape. What's inside you is more important!

Watch out, we got a badass over here.

 

[1139]

Cheer up man.

Let me tell you my story: I was active here last year for long but I realized I don't have phobia, I'm just simply lazy to start making friends and meet girls, and was only a bit shy. In the last 10 months I had dates with more than 2 dozens of girls. more than 1 month ago I saw a girl not far from my home, walking home with her dog, went after her a bit, introduced myself, we talked about each other until we said goodbye, we continued chatting on facebook but I soon realized she doesn't want a relationship at all. I don't know why but I started looking at her facebook profile, then her sister's, then her sister's friends'. Her sister's friend is my girlfriend right now. My first real girlfriend in my life and I'm 24 years old. Last week we met everyday and we are happy together even if she's a bit younger (17) So don't give up on anything...

The first step is always hard but since you're a dude, there's more chance the girl is even more puzzled in a date. If you wanna meet girls, talk to them like you talked to your 6 year old niece for example. Take it easy, friendly, be nice and just be yourself, (don't think of embarrasing pickup lines, etc...)

If you dwell on something hard, if you want something sooo much you would do anything to reach that "goal", then you will get nothing, you will fail, trust me, experience. Boxing won't make you a Casanova, it'll only get you into a better shape. What's inside you is more important!

Lol im glad you broke out of your shell and can talk to random girls, sometimes I do this too, when I can be bothered. But 24 year old guy with a 17 year old girl is a bit desperate looking. But then again we are all desperate aren't we..

 

[theslowesthand]

I think you share the same problem that many of us with SA have. You have no middle ground. Either you are very polite, diplomatic and non-confrontational or you are very pissed off and will react accordingly. Because you don't want to have an over the top reaction and actually resort to violence, you force yourself to remain diplomatic and accommodating. It sucks but at least you are not alone. I know this situation very well

I call it the "jekyll and hyde" syndrome. I used to be quite terrified of other people triggering it (ie my rage, which could not be readily or healthily expressed, so alway stayed "bottled", which is very unhealthy). I'm probably a lot better now, but i very seldom go into public places nowadays so don't know for sure. But that fear of possible anger/rage i think has contributed into making me spend less & less time in public places over the years .. resulting in now almost never going abroad. People are very, very tricky creatures. I think it takes a lot of years to learn about al these subtleties of people, and MAYBE some people are not backwards about coming fowards with their "dislike" of you .. possibly related to your relative lack of knowledge concerning the nuances of people (eg that each person has an "inner reptile" which has fight/flight, people can feel your "vibes", you not following the "law of the pack", etc, etc)


When reading threads like this, i tend to view it only as other people having these issues. I did used to be in my 20s, and had all these issues & more, and "wasted away" all of my 20s (& 30s also). Now that i'm in my 40s now, i feel like a "lost cause", so i don't worry so much about my human needs being met now .. as i'm used to being "sick" (lonely, depressed, etc, etc) .. i just have accepted that my life is cr*p & will be cr*p now till the day i die (ie all hope is lost, which i have accepted, but i don't recommend that mindset to any others on here! lol)

My people problems started off with not wanting people to get close (had since child) ... probably afraid of them seeing my true self (which i felt was quite violent & hateful, and which i felt they could pick up on)

And I have had quite a few women approach me back then (20s), & over the years (since childhood), but i think i had/have a major control issue, in that i simply cannot allow the even-remote possibility of rejection (not going to plan), so i learnt to kind of just "ignore" all women (& basically give up trying completely), even though i felt the human urges for woman-company. I just couldn't deal with feeling out-of-control, but i do have OCPD and other serious anxiety issues. And also have chronic neurotic thinking/worrying (so i would not allow much of anything into my life, due to my dysfunctional beliefs). Back in the past, i guess there was sexual attraction (as with all males), as well as attraction to their feminity ... but now all that seems to have been "stripped away", as i don't have those urges any more ... all it seems nowadays is simply a basic longing to not be alone in living as a human being on planet earth, a "sharing" of the burden of living as a human, suffering daily (eg losses), knowing that i'll die one day, etc. But in my country anyway, it seems that all the women are "shallow", "surface" creatures, having lost almost all of their nurturing & general feminity. Maybe that one another reason i've always rejected women's advances, as i felt they could not live up to my expecatations of what a woman should be?? Who knows... (i'll stop here, as that's all for another thread, at another time, lol)

As far as society is concerned, i have now been totally away from it for well over 10 years. Can't say i miss it. But i also don't have a "social life", never have done, and i almost seldom hang out with friends now (not that i ever did really). So my life now has wound-down into quite a cold, lonely, isolated, hellish existence ... and i don't really have any faith whatsoever that there is any "life out there". Oh well, i've made my bed, now i need to lay in it...