I'm Pissed!!

[shield]

Ive been reading the forum and guys I think every1 is making things way 2 complicated i.e. should we cure SA with NLP, Cognitive, spiritual blah blah blah. NO!

EXPOSURE, EXPOSURE ,EXPOSURE. Get it in2 ur heads aaaaargh! Its so annoying there IS NOT an easier way. There's no magic pill. exposure is the best way and most effective way you don't need any other fucking method. Research proves it over and over take a hint!!!

NOW SHUTUP AND WATCH and don't any1 here make an angry comeback thread to this its 4 ur own good!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3E9GCpc4QjI

 

[4seasons]

You have to chill out.

 

[xSleepy]

HaHa, ive had these days man. Totally pissed off... It'll be ok though

But really, if you dont like whats being said here, then dont come. Find another site that you like better. No ones forcing you to stay.

Hope you calm down and feel better soon....its no fun to be so angry

 

[Edith]

Exposure comes with time. This site helps during the in between times and can be either motivational or depressing... it depends on what you do with it. I personally have found it to be both from time to time.

I agree though... I feel VERY good about my SA now, to the point where I go out a lot, have friends and can work as a teacher with no anxiety, and the only way I got there was to force myself to do as much as I could. It's true: EXPOSURE! EXPOSURE! EXPOSURE! ... but people need to get there in thier own time so they don't freak out and get worse for it.

 

[Stanleyrama]

It's a good point

For most people exposure will help but many people avoid it.

I'd also point out that the underlying cause of Social Phobia IMO is a lack of self esteem. A person must examine how or why they think the thoughts that they aren't good enuf, other people are thinking bad things about you, etc and then REPROGRAM their mind/thoughts to be loving towards themselves.
This takes more than exposure- this takes time, effort, self hypnosis tapes, support groups, therapy, caring for children, old people or animals, many things. And as you point out- none of them are a magic cure... but they have worked for me, so that's all I really can base my opinion on. Exposure helped me alot...but these other things helped just as much. Thanks for your post

 

[Tryin]

Shield, I KNOW but it's hard. That's why we need this site, that's why we need support. It's hard. It's hard to expose yourself, it's hard to socialize, it's hard to live with anxiety. Exposure helps but it's not easy. People need support. We are all writing about what makes sense to us, what works for us, what provides us support and that's alright.

 

[shield]

the problem is that most of us on here are on our own. I am anyway... and there is no one to help expose us.

I know i need to face my fears but it is easier to just run away and that, im afraid, is what i do everytime. advice?

No1 says u need sum1 to do exposure with. Do it alone. You have to just use willpower. Again there's no magic to it if u do it u will get better so it doesn't matter whether ur scared or not u must do it. The only advice is start off small.

the underlying cause of Social Phobia IMO is a lack of self esteem. A person must examine how or why they think the thoughts that they aren't good enuf, other people are thinking bad things about you, etc and then REPROGRAM their mind/thoughts to be loving towards themselves.

Most of the self-esteem problems are due to a negative feedback loop. A typical example- 'Bullied at school - Individual develops perception that they are unattractive - This leads to avoidance - perception cannot be disproved - self-esteem lowered. The antidote is develop a positive feedback cycle. So continually expose yourself to people- become more relaxed - get better reactions - develop the perception that ur attractive. Personally I have tried affirmations and changing my beliefs but ultimately I didn't ever develop true self-esteem until I experienced success and positive feedback. Trying to brainwash yourself through affirmations works but only on a shallow level. Real self-esteem must have a foundation in reality. Otherwise I would convince myself that I am Superman by affirming it everyday.

 

[xSleepy]

Shield, I KNOW but it's hard. That's why we need this site, that's why we need support. It's hard. It's hard to expose yourself, it's hard to socialize, it's hard to live with anxiety. Exposure helps but it's not easy. People need support. We are all writing about what makes sense to us, what works for us, what provides us support and that's alright.

Exactly!!!

 

[shield]

Shield, I KNOW but it's hard. That's why we need this site, that's why we need support. It's hard. It's hard to expose yourself, it's hard to socialize, it's hard to live with anxiety. Exposure helps but it's not easy. People need support. We are all writing about what makes sense to us, what works for us, what provides us support and that's alright.

Yes its a great thing don't get me wrong but at the same time there are a lot of threads saying I'm gonna try hypnosis or what about NLP? They are looking 4 quick fixes which aren't gonna work. But I 100% encourage free inquiry. I really do hope sum1 tries these things and cures all their problems and disproves my post. But I am sure they wont. But please no1 take my word for it. U neva know I could be talking crap so u gotta test it but all I am saying is at least experiment with exposure for a solid 6 months. U owe it to yourselfs to at least know what works!

 

[Marie_knowsbest]

i do agree with shield, from my own methods and being told what has worked for other people. just to break it down...best methods are:

exposure - getting out and doing it rather than talking or thinking about it.

Forgetting the past - starting a blank slate, and stop working through past problems, deal with todays!

building self esteem - do the things you enjoy, completing hard tasks, gettin qualifications etc.

healthy living - excercise and good diet.

staying true to yourself - you havnt got to be the life of the party to be cured of social phobia! you havent got to have something to say always to be cured. you just have to feel comfortable wether ur saying nothing or chattering away, u know ur just being....just being.

shield...dont shout at people because they look for answers, in maybe places you dont think work. its not the goal which matters, its the process that takes you there.

btw i am not a SA sufferer. i just give out advice in my free time to people who i think wil benefit it. plus i learn from these people, i think you should too.

 

[Fairy001]

Very well put Nikki, I agree with you.


Peace xxx

 

[bleach]

I'm starting to wonder if social phobia really lends itself to exposure. I've yet to hear a good plan or guideline or even examples for how to expose in social situations. I hear a lot of analogies made like the one about fear of heights in the video. But social situations provide so many different obstacles. Some of the scariest situations are infrequent and can't realistically be manufactured exposure tests (job interviews, dating, presenting to a group, among others). Some situations are brief by their very nature and cannot be prolonged enough for anxiety to drop. Frankly when I've tried exposure, it's felt like a waste of time.

 

[princess_haru]

I'm starting to wonder if social phobia really lends itself to exposure. I've yet to hear a good plan or guideline or even examples for how to expose in social situations. I hear a lot of analogies made like the one about fear of heights in the video. But social situations provide so many different obstacles. Some of the scariest situations are infrequent and can't realistically be manufactured exposure tests (job interviews, dating, presenting to a group, among others). Some situations are brief by their very nature and cannot be prolonged enough for anxiety to drop. Frankly when I've tried exposure, it's felt like a waste of time.

And what about when you expose yourself to a situation and it all goes wrong? This has happened to me a few times and it's left me feeling even more depressed, bitter and afraid of trying new things.

I do agree that exposure helps and I've had good experiences as well as bad, but I believe we need support and preparation to be able to "feel the fear and do it anyway" because just rushing into a situation could backfire nastily :?

 

[bleach]

And what about when you expose yourself to a situation and it all goes wrong? This has happened to me a few times and it's left me feeling even more depressed, bitter and afraid of trying new things.

That too.

 

[shield]

I'm starting to wonder if social phobia really lends itself to exposure

There's a hell of a lot of research to say it does. I can tell you from personal experience it does. The only way to believe this is to actually try exposure and you will know from experience then and you will be 100% sure it works. But if you do it wrong it may not be helpful. You need to stay in a situation long enough for your fear to dissipate. If you have a fear of talking to people this will mean talking to many people in quick succession until the fear decreases. Also don't think exposure has to be sospecific. For e.g. you said you are afraid of job interviews. Most likely you are afraid of social interaction in general. As you desensitise social interaction in general you will find that your fear of interviews also decreases.

And what about when you expose yourself to a situation and it all goes wrong? This has happened to me a few times and it's left me feeling even more depressed, bitter and afraid of trying new things.

Try to choose low risk situations at first that are easy and where you are likely to get a positive outcome. One thing is 4 sure: You have to take risks to ovecome SA and trying to avoid negative consequences is one of the WORST ways of dealing with SA. If you try to avoid negative consequences this is avoidance and avoidance is the main mechanism that keeps it going. Did you ever think you can actually desensitise to things going wrong!! i.e. if you keep getting rejected you will desensitise to it eventually! I don't recommend this at first but don't be afraid of negative social outcomes get comfortable with them you will have to face them at one time or another. Without question the worst thing is to hide from them.

 

[sabbath92003]

To hell with exposure, just try to live a full life with work, study, and play. For example: waking up at 5am, in the office at 7am, at college at 6pm, in the middle of the mosh pit at 9pm.

Why don't you listen to me when I try to talk to you
Stop thinking of yourself, for just a second fool
Shut up, shut up, I don't wanna hear your mouth
Your mother made a monster,
Now get the hell out of the house

Can't stand it for another day
I ain't gonna live my life this way
Cold sweat, my fists are clenching
Stomp, stomp, stomp the idiot convention

Which one of these words don't you understand
I'm caught in a mosh!
Talking to you is like clapping with one hand

What is it? -- caught in a mosh!
What is it? -- caught in a mosh!

Don't tell me how to do my job
There's the door, your names on the knob
You're always in the way, like a beast on my back
Were you dropped as a baby, 'cause brains you lack

Cant stand it for another day
I ain't gonna live my life this way
Cold sweat, my fists are clenching
Stomp, stomp, stomp, the idiot convention
Which one of these words don't you understand?

Im caught in a mosh
Talking to you, is like clapping with one hand
What is it? -- caught in a mosh!
What is it? -- caught in a mosh!

Think-before you speak
Or suffer for your words
Learn, to give respect
That others, give to you
Aaaaaaaaaaah, the best you can do

Hey man!
I'm trying to reason but you don't understand
Talking in circles, we'll never get it straight
Just you and me in our theatre of hate

Can't stand it for another day
I ain't gonna live my life this way
Cold sweat, my fists are clenching
Stomp, stomp, stomp, the idiot convention
Which one of these words don't you understand?

I'm caught in a mosh!
Talking to you is like talking with one hand
What is it? -- caught in a mosh!
What is it? -- caught in a mosh!

 

[dzerklis]

sorry, but, exposure my ass. after 3 years of kindergarden, 12 years of school, 4 years of uni and 4 years of work, someone telling me i need exposure, f**k off :roll: whats genetic genetic, u cant grow a third leg or second head with willpower, or exposure.

 

[Yossarian]

"its 4 ur own good"

Life lesson 56: Never trust people who use this phrase.

 

[silverwolf]

sorry, but, exposure my ass. after 3 years of kindergarden, 12 years of school, 4 years of uni and 4 years of work, someone telling me i need exposure, f**k off whats genetic genetic, u cant grow a third leg or second head with willpower, or exposure

Ok first of all no1 is born with social phobia. Some people are more genetically predisposed to get it but no1 is born with it. Humans are by nature social creatures. If you had been raised in a very sociable environment all your life and had always been around people you would not have sp. So somthing other than genetics is causing your sp. Second genetics can be modified. Overcoming social phobia is not like growing a third head or third leg more like bodybuilding. Some people are genetically skinny but they become big through training. Its up to you if u want to overcome SP and if u don't want to, u need to admit its cos u didn't try, not bcos of ur genetics or anything else outside of ur control. You chose not to! U are bullshitting urself no1 else. So what u might consider and this is your choice: Instead of saying I did exposure and it didn't work because its useless is to say: I did exposure but maybe there are reasons it didn't work and if I identify and correct these reasons it will work. Exposure is a proven method. U must have faith that it will work and not give up because it didn't work one time. If you decide exposure is rubbish without having given it every possible shot then you may regret it. Or you may not, but its possible u will!

"its 4 ur own good"

Life lesson 56: Never trust people who use this phrase.

Ok I'm guessing ur life rules aren't workin too great for u but if u like them keep them. Me and Shield are actually great friends and we helped each other get over SP so I know that exposure works. U don't actually need to trust Shield tho. The best way to know if he's telling the truth is to go out and test what he's saying. Then u will know 4 urself. Here test this I guarantee it will be 100% right and this will prove exposure works;

Go out to a busy town far from ur house wearing only a bikini if ur a girl or just underpants if ur a guy. Now walk around for exactly 1 hour and 30 minutes. Notice after approximately 30 minutes anxiety drops hugely and you will actually enjoy being out making a spectacle of urself. This is desensitisation at work so this will prove that exposure desensitises an individual to a fear. This is actually flooding, and Yes I have done this myself. It is absolutely terrifying but it just depends how bad u want to get over SP. Sum quick guidelines;

1. Stay with the fear for the full 1 hour 30 mins don't run to sum place safe or hidden away like a toilet.

2. Just breathe in and out nice and deeply.

3. If the cops come just tell them what ur doing they will understand ur not doing anything illegal.

4. Ignore comments from passers by just keep your mind blank and focus on breathing deeply and walking in a straight line.

5. Come back to the forum and tell me how good and proud of urself u feel now u have done this. Tell me how right I am and that this is the best thing u have done in the past year.

 

[shield]

Nice post Silver. Guys we are putting out the attitudes of people who have overcome SP. If u absorb them and practice what we are saying u will 2. We always sound like we have no pity cos this is the attitude we decided we had to have if we wanted to overcome SP. We cudn't be weak and make excuses, we had to decide to take 100% responsibility for the mess our lives were in.