I'm Confused!

anxiousmess

Well-known member
#1
Hi All

I'm going to refer him as M.*

M and I dated on and off for one year. Became friends then started seeing each other again. M is an introvert. Has depression and anxiety. Scared of commitment. Many people feel he has*aspergers. His always been hot and cold in our relationship. Put the barriers down as soon as I wanted our relationship to progress. As soon as I got close and began to fall in love with him. Which he knew I did. He swore we would never get back together. Seemed to highly resent the fact that I got to close. He would say hurtful things towards me whenever I tried to communicate and try to sort things out. Just kept pushing me away. Put up a wall around him. It hurt seeing him like this as he stopped going out. Hid away in his shell. He started to become his own enemy.

Everytime he was around me. He resented me and made it known. Stopped replying to my texts. Stopped hanging outside of work. So one day, I thought telling him that I don't love him would make it easier for him especially as he seemed to resent the thought that I love him. Made things worse. He held a grudge towards me for it. I couldn't seem to win either way.

I was leaving for a new job. I decided to be open and tell the truth about my feelings. I was living in denial if I wasn't been open.

On my final week of leaving my old job. Things between I and him seemed to improve. I finally decided that having a friendship with him was more important than having a one sided unhealthy relationship with him. I informed him that I am happy to have a friendship with him. It would be great to meet with up every couple of weeks to hang out. On my last day at work. I and him agreed to go out for a drink and meal.

When my last day came, he rang me and bailed out going for a drink. Informing he wasn't feeling better with having a cold recently. Informed he has given what I said about meeting up and maintaining a friendship some thought and he would like to meet up in a couple of weeks to go out for Sunday lunch. Kept referring me as mate and laughed numerous times. I felt we had patched things up and things would get better.

A couple of weeks passed. I started my new job. I didn't hear anything from him. No texts. No phone calls - just nothing.

I texted him to ask how he was? But I got no reply back. I left it but later saw him on Facebook. I sent him a message but he seemed fairly distant. Not wanting to talk much. So I reminded him about going out but he didn't answer me.*

I had noticed his facebook activity appeared less active much less since I left.

A week later, I texted him him on his work phone wishing him to have a good week. He replied but not much.

In Jan, it was my 30th birthday. My sister shared a post reminding people about it. When it came to my birthday, he didn't even text me to wish me a happy birthday. So I texted him reminding that it's my birthday. He replied 90 mins later saying "have a good one"........ I was a little upset but got over it. I would have thought us being friends - he could have at least texted to wish me a happy birthday.

The next day (last night) the whole team met up for leaving drinks for the contract manager at the pub. As soon as I and he saw each other. His face lit up. He appeared extremely happy to see me. Offered to buy me a drink. We both hugged each other. I was feeling a little anxious but I kept my cool.

When I got up to head to the bar, I caught him looking towards my direction smiling. As soon as he saw me looking, he quickly looked away. He commented on wanting to share the same table I was sitting at to which he did.

I sat down and started talking to previous work colleagues. I observed him quite a lot. He appeared very quiet most of the evening. Seemed like he had gone further into his shell since I last saw him. It took a while before we started to talk - me and him. He asked me how the new job was going? I informed him about what has been going on.*

I then asked him how he was? He didn't speak much. I asked why has he been quiet in terms of not getting in touch especially as we had agreed to remain friends. I also enquired as to why he hasn't replied to my texts when I have texted him. He informed he knows but wouldn't talk about it. I informed that I would love to see him outside of work. Please not to shy away to which he promised he won't anymore.

After that conversation, he went to put on his jacket and leave. I persuaded him to stay. To which he did.

One of our colleagues sat next to us and asked me about my birthday? I informed I went out with friends. My colleague looked at M and asked as to whether M had gone to celebrate with me. I asked my colleague why would they think that? My colleague informed they know and anyone can see that M and I are close. I informed my colleague that it took me to remind M that it was my birthday to which my colleague jokingly said to M. "Oh M, why didn't you text and wish a happy birthday". At this point, I was drunk. M looked slightly drunk.

Twenty minutes later, the room got louder. When trying to talk to M, he kept asking me to repeat myself as he couldn't hear me. So I went to move my drink over to his and as soon as I got up to sit next to him in order for him to hear me. He grabbed hold of his jacket and went to run out of the pub. I enquired as to why he was rushing out. I was completely speechlous. I didn't know what in the world just happened.

He came back in to say goodbye to a few colleagues. I saw him come back in and tried to find out what the hell is going on? To which I followed him around the pub as he kept on trying to run away. Colleagues saw his behaviour and tried to figure out what was going on. To which he informed he needs to go and then left.*

I followed him outside of the pub to which he asked me to leave him alone. I kept asking him what is going on? To which he said to me, "You need help. You need*psychiatric help. You really do. You need therapy. Just f*** off and leave me alone". To which he walked off and I stood outside the pub. He walked back to me and said, "The police are going to be on to you". Then he walked away.

I managed to sober up but remember everything that happened. I'm incredibly shocked and confused as to what happened.

His FB activity has decreased rapidly to the point he doesn't post much like one month. His obsessed with FB and would always post twice a week.

I sent him a FB message informing him I was happy in my new job. He replied saying he was really glad that things are working well for me.

I rang him today. He answered but seemed apprenshive. His main questions were based on where am I working now? Am I happy? He then mentioned if it's anyone who deserves to be happy. Then it's me! Whatever that means??

After the phone call I noticed in my news feed he had posted a lot. Then came on/off through the day. Gone back to being active.
 

Xervello

Well-known member
#2
Thanks for sharing. First off, I admire your patience and tolerance for his behavior. Based on how you described him, he sounds a little bi-polar. The severe mood swings - cheery, active at one instance, distant and unresponsive the next. Or he could just be a typical guy with some social issues. And by typical guy I mean a selfish d**chebag that also has a disability interacting with others or properly communicating with people. Whatever the case, at some point you have to ask yourself how much you're willing to put up with. It would be one thing if he articulated what his deal is. But since he won't even do that, you have hardly anything to go on. When your heart and head latch onto someone, it's not easy to disengage from it. I honestly don't know what more you could do to get through to him. Maybe make a break from him, and perhaps he'll come to you. And if he does, do things on your terms. Because if he goes back to not making any effort, you're right back where you started. At any rate, I wish you luck. If it helps, keep posting. We're listening.
 
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