I'm confused with my life

[dannyboy65]

My life is very busy lately with school to be a nursing assistant and all. Where to begin. Well first of my closest and best friend is becoming distant I barely see him or talk to him now and he hangs out with my brother more then me now. I'm beginning to actually be distant to everyone, I barely talk to anyone. I have no confidence at my on the job training, every morning I go I have panic attacks. I'm being ignored by my peers at school, they never want to talk to me and it's a struggle to work with them as well. I'm failing tests at school too and my teachers are giving me warnings.

I recently started smoking again and I've been doing it more and more each day cause my anxiety feels like its through the roof. But no the biggest issue I feel is my relationship. I am so confused with it. We barely talk anymore, when I am staying at her place she just sits at her laptop and works and I play a video game or something. We cook and eat alone, and sit in silence all day. A part of me wants to end it with her but another part doesn't cause she seems to really care about me. She told me though that she probably will never want to have sex or children and those are 2 things I want and I don't want to sound like a **** or pervert. I just feel sex is a natural thing for relationships. I also don't find her funny, in fact I find her humor immature and childish. It comes to a point where I fake interest in her things.

God damn it I'm getting so tired of this. I'm taking my meds but I'm getting sick of them too. I'm tired of taking anti-psychosis meds and I'm tired of taking anti-depressants. In a few weeks (if I make it) I will be working at a mental hospital. Where people have schizophrenia, bi polar, depression, anxiety, all like me. I feel I should be in there with them cause I'm breaking I feel it. I don't even find joy in helping other people anymore and that was the only thing keeping me going.

Why don't I end it.... Why do I keep trying to tell myself it gets better when all it does is get worse.... I should listen to the voices and just kill myself but no there not real, I just have to keep telling myself that. But how long till I completely lose it and live in one of those damn places.

I don't know where to go now in life.... I don't have a purpose..... I am not happy with my life.... Where do I turn now?

 

[theslowesthand]

Could it be coincidence that all these things are going wrong at the same? It's possible. It might be a "rough patch" you're going through :question:

I don't know where to go now in life.... I don't have a purpose..... I am not happy with my life.... Where do I turn now?

I've been like this for a few years at least. All i can suggest is "keep trucking on", till the situation changes. Time can work wonders.

 

[dannyboy65]

Could it be coincidence that all these things are going wrong at the same? It's possible. It might be a "rough patch" you're going through :question:


I've been like this for a few years at least. All i can suggest is "keep trucking on", till the situation changes. Time can work wonders.

I don't think it's really a coincidence. I have a lot of mental illness and it makes my life a challenge to live everyday. I even find it hard to post on here cause I'm scared of being made fun of or something. I have a lot of things people would love to have, yes, but it's just so hard to push forward. There just comes a point when you get tired. I've already attempted before and I don't want to but at the same time I do.

 

[theslowesthand]

I don't think it's really a coincidence. I have a lot of mental illness and it makes my life a challenge to live everyday. I even find it hard to post on here cause I'm scared of being made fun of or something. I have a lot of things people would love to have, yes, but it's just so hard to push forward. There just comes a point when you get tired. I've already attempted before and I don't want to but at the same time I do

I have a truckload of mental illness too. My only purpose is to get through each day adequately, no goals or plans really. Whenever i get depressed, things getting on top of me, i think of overdosing on pills that i've stored-up, but i guess not too seriously as the fear is still too strong (esp fear that it won't kill me, but do serious harm to). Oh yes, quite a few times have i been REALLY tired of life (eg thoughts of suicide every day for months on end), but i somehow manage to take things moment-by-moment, day-by-day, and keep on going.

 

[dannyboy65]

I have a truckload of mental illness too. My only purpose is to get through each day adequately, no goals or plans really. Whenever i get depressed, things getting on top of me, i think of overdosing on pills that i've stored-up, but i guess not too seriously as the fear is still too strong (esp fear that it won't kill me, but do serious harm to). Oh yes, quite a few times have i been REALLY tired of life (eg thoughts of suicide every day for months on end), but i somehow manage to take things moment-by-moment, day-by-day, and keep on going.

Yea it's not easy I'm just tired honestly

 

[dannyboy65]

Well...... Now I have no girlfriend.... Yet I don't feel as saddened as I should.

 

[ozley62]

I'm very tired, been a rough weekend working around the house. We flooded back on August and just now getting everything ready to move back into the house.
With that out the way I will read your post better and hopefully have a better response in the near future. But in the meantime I'd like to share something with you and everyone else that may see this.
Stay away from any and all things that have red dye and food coloring in it. Trust me! No matter how much medicine you take anything with red dye, Red Bull and the like will send you into a panic fit!
I'm 54 and suddenly in the last couple years I've damn near become allergic to everything you can imagine. This lead me to hours and hours of allergy and histamine research.
Allergies and histamine can trigger panic attacks like you wouldn't believe!

I'm a calm and level person for the most part. My anxiety is mostly situational. My son has autism and can be a handful at times and that'll Stress me.
But I found that at certain times no matter what kind or how much medicine I was on sometimes I'd just crawl out of my skin.
All traced back to red dye. That shit is detrimental to people with anxiety/depression and any other psychological disorder! [emoji31]


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[dannyboy65]

I'm very tired, been a rough weekend working around the house. We flooded back on August and just now getting everything ready to move back into the house.
With that out the way I will read your post better and hopefully have a better response in the near future. But in the meantime I'd like to share something with you and everyone else that may see this.
Stay away from any and all things that have red dye and food coloring in it. Trust me! No matter how much medicine you take anything with red dye, Red Bull and the like will send you into a panic fit!
I'm 54 and suddenly in the last couple years I've damn near become allergic to everything you can imagine. This lead me to hours and hours of allergy and histamine research.
Allergies and histamine can trigger panic attacks like you wouldn't believe!

I'm a calm and level person for the most part. My anxiety is mostly situational. My son has autism and can be a handful at times and that'll Stress me.
But I found that at certain times no matter what kind or how much medicine I was on sometimes I'd just crawl out of my skin.
All traced back to red dye. That shit is detrimental to people with anxiety/depression and any other psychological disorder! [emoji31]


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I have autism

 

[ozley62]

I have autism

Apparently you're high functioning, my son isn't.
He's 20 years old and 300 lbs with the mind of a 6 year old at best.
Like I said, a hand full at times!


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[Cetnien]

Apparently you're high functioning, my son isn't.
He's 20 years old and 300 lbs with the mind of a 6 year old at best.
Like I said, a hand full at times!


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Even though your tired Dannyboy, you can't jump to conclusions to think there is no other way and I know I cannot relate to every mental illness you got but depression I can relate. Every day I thought about suicide a while ago but it does get better man.

I'm here if you want to talk. And it's good that you figured out that she wasn't the one for you since you don't want to fake the relationship by their interests and whatnot. Living in a lie is not healthy. But anyways I'm sure she'll find someone else down the road and so will you man.

You got an awesome career it sounds ahead of you and I can also relate to panic attacks and they are not fun. But when I was a teenager I took a course on learning ways to stop panic attacks or notice them before it happens. Mainly there is techniques like clenching your fist really tight or thinking of something random that can calm you down. Also, the key to panic attacks is usually the unrealistic thoughts that you process to believe when its not exactly 100 percent true.

I also have autism as well and ozley62 I can relate with other people with autism from your situation. I'm still friends to this day with a low functioning autistic childhood friend of mine and seen outbursts as I grew up. Usually it occurs to relieve the stress that's kept inside them but also when they say certain things they can't control it's usually because they cannot stop it. When I was younger I said a lot of things that I couldn't stop doing like making weird noises and being aggressive but now I'm the total opposite of that and learned to develop a lot up until now. Although keep in mind every individual is unique and the autism spectrum is a big tree.

I'm 21 years old and still growing to become a stronger person but I think everyone is doing that in their own ways. So life can always get better just got to be patient.

 

[AtTheGates]

just keep up with school, hobbies , and maybe a few friends. the rest of your life will most likely make sense later on as the right pieces fall into place.


and tbh, from what you mentioned that chick didnt sound like much of a gf anyway. good riddance to her. eventually you'll find one that offers you the long end of the stick and not the short.

 

[dannyboy65]

just keep up with school, hobbies , and maybe a few friends. the rest of your life will most likely make sense later on as the right pieces fall into place.


and tbh, from what you mentioned that chick didnt sound like much of a gf anyway. good riddance to her. eventually you'll find one that offers you the long end of the stick and not the short.

That's the thing though she was good to me I was the one pushing her away and doing all the wrong. I broke it off cause I wanted to look after myself because I didn't want to hurt her anymore. She's heartbroken now and I know she didn't want it to end. I just wasn't there mentally.

 

[ozley62]

Please don't get me wrong, I worship the air my son breaths. And no autistic or an special needs person will find a better advocate for them than me.
I don't even know you and would fight a mob to protect you.
I'm not sure if you're familiar with it, but my son has Fragile X Syndrome.
A lot of people that have autism have this as well, it's just not that heard of like autism.

It's not just something a doctor diagnoses, it take genetic testing.
Turns out my wife is a carrier and passed it to both our daughter and son.
Our daughter is not affected and lives a normal productive life. She's 27.
Our son on the other hand wasn't so lucky.
He's 20 with the mind of a 5-6 yr old in many ways.
He talks very well and many ways seems like a typical teen, but in other ways he's like a child and lives in a constant world of make believe.
His reading and writing has never grown beyond 1st grade level, yet he's a wiz with computers and video games. Beats games like Halo within 2 days after buying them.
So most of my stress doesn't come from his behavior as much as a father wishing and hoping so much more for his son and knowing it will never be.
I know I went about it the long way , but wanted to make clear I love my son and have the upmost love for him and others of the spectrum.



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[dannyboy65]

Please don't get me wrong, I worship the air my son breaths. And no autistic or an special needs person will find a better advocate for them than me.
I don't even know you and would fight a mob to protect you.
I'm not sure if you're familiar with it, but my son has Fragile X Syndrome.
A lot of people that have autism have this as well, it's just not that heard of like autism.

It's not just something a doctor diagnoses, it take genetic testing.
Turns out my wife is a carrier and passed it to both our daughter and son.
Our daughter is not affected and lives a normal productive life. She's 27.
Our son on the other hand wasn't so lucky.
He's 20 with the mind of a 5-6 yr old in many ways.
He talks very well and many ways seems like a typical teen, but in other ways he's like a child and lives in a constant world of make believe.
His reading and writing has never grown beyond 1st grade level, yet he's a wiz with computers and video games. Beats games like Halo within 2 days after buying them.
So most of my stress doesn't come from his behavior as much as a father wishing and hoping so much more for his son and knowing it will never be.
I know I went about it the long way , but wanted to make clear I love my son and have the upmost love for him and others of the spectrum.



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I wasn't offended I love autism and everything with it. I know it's not easy for the family to live with it, especially if it is severe. You just have to know your sons love for computers isn't cause he has a mind of a 6 year old its cause that's his interest that he wants to master. It's sort of like me with helping people.

 

[ozley62]

It's not his love for computer and video games that make him like a 6 yr old. It's when we have a hard time every day convincing him he's not captain Jack Sparrow and can't rob everyone he meats.
Piracy is very much alive and the coolest thing in the world to him.[emoji1022]


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[dannyboy65]

It's not his love for computer and video games that make him like a 6 yr old. It's when we have a hard time every day convincing him he's not captain Jack Sparrow and can't rob everyone he meats.
Piracy is very much alive and the coolest thing in the world to him.[emoji1022]


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Oh interesting

 

[Megaten]

That's the thing though she was good to me I was the one pushing her away and doing all the wrong. I broke it off cause I wanted to look after myself because I didn't want to hurt her anymore. She's heartbroken now and I know she didn't want it to end. I just wasn't there mentally.

You may find it difficult in general. I dont know much about autism, but one of the symptoms seems to be difficulty forming bonds with other people. I dont know if its the same as autism but Ive heard that those with aspergers have a hard time reading the emotions of other people which would make intimate relationships challenging at best.

 

[dannyboy65]

You may find it difficult in general. I dont know much about autism, but one of the symptoms seems to be difficulty forming bonds with other people. I dont know if its the same as autism but Ive heard that those with aspergers have a hard time reading the emotions of other people which would make intimate relationships challenging at best.

I have high functioning I can grasp that stuff easier, especially since I'm in school learning about it. I just didn't feel I was happy with her honestly.