illegal immigration status?

[Etbow23]

Hi all,

I have a bit of a problem that's been causing some anxiety with me. I want to go to a school in Texas next fall, and I live in Maryland. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 and a half years, and I want him to come with me. He wants to come too because he likes Texas too and wants to start a life there. I would be afraid to go alone and also I wouldn't want to separate, that would be too much. So basically I wouldn't go if he can't come. The problem is though he's an illegal immigrant, and wouldn't feel comfortable coming to a different state with harsher laws where he probably wouldn't be able to get a driver's license or job.

We have talked about getting married and that way he would be able to get residency here so we can move together. I'm 21 and still dependent on my mother for things and a lot of people think I'm too young or that I'm only doing it for the immigration thing, which is what it sounds like because to be honest, it is sort of rushed because of that. But that's not the only reason. I feel that our connection would be stronger and that our status in the eyes of the law would be family, you know? I feel really stuck. My mom says that if I'm going to get married to wait until June or something, but that wouldn't leave enough time to go through the process so that me and him can move in August/September.

I really want to get out of here and live in Texas because it reminds me of someone and something special in my life. I think it would change my life and I'd gain some confidence. I think it would help me get further away from things in my life that I would like to forget. But I would never go without my boyfriend; we live together, we do everything together. I'd be losing my best friend.

I don't really know who else to discuss this with, and usually everyone on spw is pretty understanding. Please help!

 

[Section_31]

wow, what a situation....

Etbow, mine was SORT of similiar....minus the immigration detail. In my case my wife's parents just didnt approve of me, and basically did everything they could to break us up. Im 28, shes 26, so not so much older than you. Both of us are living in my dads basement right now, still partially dependent. I can relate.

The best advice i can say, is do what makes YOU guys happy, and DONT try to please everyone. When we got married we quickly realized that no matter what we did, someone wouldnt like somthing, or someone would get PO'ed over somthing. Do what makes YOU TWO happy. Thats the most important part. Let people talk to you, have their say, once, then make your decision. But dont let anyone stop you from doing whats going to make you happiest. One thing i find is alot of parents have trouble letting go, or dont realize youve grown up and you need boundaries and can make your own choices. That can cause alot of turmoil. I suggest you discuss this with him and make sure you guys are able to put on a united front. Because when you stand against your parents, oh man, that can feel like the most isolating thing in the world. Me and my wife did it, it was tough, but because we knew where eachother stood it made things alot better than it could have been.

theres hope in any situation girl. dont give up. stay strong. and fight for what you love.

 

[hoddesdon]

Leaving aside the issue of being illegal itself, does getting married bring residency? In some cases immigration to another country does not flow from marriage if the authorities suspect that was the motivation.

 

[Hoppy]

In this case I would recommend legal advice.

There should be some legal aid near you?

 

[Remus]

Leaving aside the issue of being illegal itself, does getting married bring residency? In some cases immigration to another country does not flow from marriage if the authorities suspect that was the motivation.

Yeah Hodders is right, my partner is an aussie and we had to jump through hoops and cough up quite a bit of money in visas and whatnot to get her full residence. If he is illegal, it's going to be so much harder. I think you should seek legal advice.

 

[cosmosis]

I just went through a similar situation a few years ago. I was illegal for about 10 years (I'm australian) and she is american. I was illegal because my parents were really stupid and mis-timed everything. In any case, even being illegal for 10 years or so, it was easier than I thought to get residency and green card. I was freaking out, but they just didn't seem to care at all. Perhaps I got lucky, but it doesn't seem to be that big of a deal. But the application costs are very expensive. If you go with legal help (which we never did), its much more. Hope it all works out for you.

 

[kilojoule]

How do you feel? Do you feel like you're ready to get married? Is that what you want?

 

[Waybuloo]

I don't know about the states, but in the uk, an illegal, after having remained here for 15 years, can apply for permanent residency (called indefinite leave to remain). I would be worried whether the authorities will let your bf go through the proper channels when they have been there illegally. Do a google search, there must be lots of people in your situation.

As for getting married, yeah, why not. But think about your rights, property and possessions if the marriage doesn't work out. I would go ahead with it if I were you, if your bf has the same idea. Just don't expect that moving away will fix all your problems, because if some of your problems are in your head then they will follow you, otherwise it's a good opportunity to get away from bad influence and parental control.

 

[MsBuzzkillington]

This sounds like a really sticky situation. Is there any way he can apply to try and get citizenship on his own? Getting citizenship by marriage is a lot more complicated and a lot longer process than the movies make it out to be. It costs a lot of money and since he has been living here already, I am not sure how that would work out. I am going to agree with everyone here and seek some legal advice. You'll need someone who is well informed in this kind of thing to help you through each step in the process. It's going to cost a lot of money as well. Maybe you'll have to wait a bit longer than you want to move out there, but it's better to get him citizenship ASAP before you do anything else.

Also, Texas... why Texas? That's a crazy state! I kid, I kid.

Oh, I should add that Waybuloo makes a really good point. Moving away isn't going to change anything, your thoughts and anxiety will come with you. Unfortunately we can't run away from our problems. So don't get so focused on the idea that moving to Texas and going to school needs to happen right away because you are getting frustrated at home. Things will be okay and things will work out.

 

[Elissa]

21 is definitely too young to get married for whatever the reason. But if you do decide to make that decision marriage is his only option to become a legal citizen. If he entered the country legally, meaning he overstayed his visa, then it only takes 3 months from the time you file the application. However, if he entered illegally like crossing the border he will be deported even if you get married. I would suggest calling a Layer sometimes they will provide a free consultation.

 

[kilojoule]

I disagree with the 'too young' to get married. At 21 I was too young to get married and now at 27, Im still too young to get married. However I have a lot of friends who got married at 20/21 and they are very happily married. They maintain that its the best thing they did. So I don't think that age is the problem here. If Id married at 21 it would have been a trainwreck. Its not about age, its about the individuals. I think the problem is the motivation for getting married.

Etbow how do you feel about getting married? Do you feel ready? Do you want it?


For what its worth, I'd stay put before Id enter a marriage to facilitate moving. Theres no big rushcsaying you have to go now is there?

 

[Etbow23]

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful comments.

Yes, he entered legally with a visitor's visa as a minor and overstayed it several years. We went to see a lawyer for a free consultation, and the lawyer said our case was very straightforward, but it would cost $3500 in lawyers fees and another $1500 in government fees. Also I would need a cosponsor because my income isn't high enough. But he did mention they might understand that I'm still a student and work part-time, and that's why it's not high enough.

As for if I'm ready to be married, I'm not completely sure I guess. Part of me wants to, and part of me says I'm not ready. I guess I feel that I am rushing it in order to be able to do normal things together like travel and move to another state, and for him to get a better job/get some financial aid going to school. In the practical sense, it makes sense. The other part of me wants to have a closer bond/commitment, like that we technically are family and can't be separated.

I want to go to a school in Austin because I really like Austin and it reminds me of a best friend of mine who lived in Texas and passed away. Compared to the school I would go here, it seems like a better school too. (well I have to transfer because i've been at my community college for over 2 years, and need to go to a four year school next fall)

Ehhh decisions decisions.

And by the way my mother, not to sound juvenile, but she truly is a royal pain in the behind. She does help me out, but she can be extremely hostile and today and yesterday has repeatedly yelled at me for leaving one dish out or accidentially cutting into an avocado that wasn't ripe, or trying to fry empanadas which is "unhealthy". UGHHH A door to door donation raiser guy came to the house who was raising money for a politician and because she disagreed with him, she became very rude and intimidating. It was absolutely mortifying!

I think that our relationship would be better if we were...separate...by a few thousand miles.

 

[Etbow23]

theres hope in any situation girl. dont give up. stay strong. and fight for what you love.

thank you

 

[Feathers]

Hm, see if you can get help from an organisation/non profit that could be cheaper/for free?
(In our country, there's free help that explains what forms you need, where to get them and file them etc)

Maybe it partly depends how someone's treated on where he's from too? (eg I could see how Americans might not feel so threatened by an Australian as by someone from some other countries?)

Don't trust lawyers too much - a friend was in US in a slightly similar situation, the lawyer missed the deadline!! (they later sued him and got some money, but still-??)
Maybe ask around or google if other lawyers might have similar fees, or if you could get a good pro bono lawyer maybe?

It's really good if you can get informed yourself, maybe someone who is an expat from his country and has been through the process can help? Do you/he/his friends or family know anyone like that?
(Or could you/he find someone online?)
There are forums for expats abroad, maybe even for people from his country? (Double check everything of course!)

In any case, if you choose to get married, have a good prenup, methinks?
(Some people may think they are not 'romantic', for me it's just good common sense, especially if you're 'not sure'?)
It also depends how you and he, and your/his parents see divorce? (very Catholic or Muslim etc parents might wish for 'forever' and feel very strongly about it)

In our country, some people married at 18, and had good marriages (mostly the previous generation) - I felt more 'marriage material' or 'wish to get married' at 19 or 20 to 24 too!!
So you could give the example of girls who didn't marry (cause parents resented their bf) and they later stayed single & their parents didn't like THAT either!! (They wanted grandkids!! yikes!!)

If parents disagree with something, they can snap out in 'silly' ways for 'silly' reasons too... (my experience too yikes)

Anyhoo, let us know how you decide!