Hi,
It looks like I thought wrong!
(I'm french, forgive my spelling)
I have been an HHr since age 4. Palmar, plantar and axilary. At age 26, it was «suicide or surgery» for me. At that point, I hadn't lived at all. No childhood, no teenage years filled with all the normal things teens do. I was a prisoner of my own body. Until ETS.
My body took a while to react to the surgery, so I felt «normal» for a few weeks. But I didn't know how to do things! It was like getting out of jail after 20 years inside. I didn't even make the most of it, because I had no idea what to do, how to act like normal people. I was used to ALWAYS hide, be invisible, and avoid touching and being touched. And that's what I did...with a dry body
After a while, I started getting CS and GS. So I had to adapt to the new embarasing situations. But I had the use of my hands, and that alone was worth a lot. It meant living. That is also when I have met a guy who became my boyfriend. And that's when I thought wrong!!
I was happy to get this new start and I was in a rush to catch up with others from my age group. They had a spouse, children, a decent job and a house. I wanted it all! So, yes, I got the job (Nowhere near «decent», but I was able to work!), then I got the guy, and the child and soon after, the house.
I still had to deal with HH/side effects, while trying to catch up with life. It was a lot to deal with. I had no clue how to act socially, at work and with my guy's family. I wasn't so sure how to handle a relationship with a man actually. Every little thing was new to me and I needed time to adjust. It was overwhelming at times. He didn't get that, and I didn't get that he wasn't getting it! I didn't know my own self and I had nearly no life experience to rely on to fix things.
So, we were having some problems. Then he left me during the last month of pregnancy. Long story short, after 10 years, he suggested we gave it another try. Our child wasn't aware of it, just in case it didn't work out. I had been single all this time, and I would have done anything for my child. So I agreed. We started trying to patch things up.
But I was still figuring out who I was, what I wanted for my life. I had rushed into motherhood and into getting a «decent job» and all. I also worked at getting to the point where I was financially secure (just enough) and could provide for my child. That alone took long enough. I couldn't focus 100% on getting «normal» and needed some time to get back into the relationship and its requirements. But...
He still didn't get it, and I still didn't get that he wasn't getting it! And I am not dumb, I am fairly intelligent:bigsmile: Anyway, like I said...being in prison for over 20 years has its conséquences!
So, I naively thought we had a fair chance, because I am patient with others and I thought it was only a matter of time until we got used to each other again. I invested a lot of time making a genuine effort to improve and act normally. I was getting mentally ready for the summer vacation, all three of us, and maybe have a talk with our child and take the relationship a step further. But he had lost all interest due to his impatience. He wanted me to get better «now». So...
As all this was going on in my head, he had his eye on a younger, non-HHr . He didn't end it with me while he was taking her out and trying to figure out if things would work with her! Gees! So...
He left me again, after I confronted him. I had my doubts, signs were there. See? I'm not THAT dumb
So, NOW I know what went wrong. I had HH, and it had shapped me into a person I didn't want to be, and with whom he didn't want to live. A person he would never have the ability to understand and respect. He wanted to instantly be with the person he thought I could become without having to wait for her to show up. A non-HHr cannot understand what it's like to fight with your own mind in order to become another person, somebody you really want to be. It takes a LOT of patience.
I have forgiven myself for my strange behavior from the past. I am now a lot more patient with myself. It will probably take me the rest of my days to figure things out. But that's ok. I know I will sometimes lose my temper and I know I will probably cry at times, from frustration. But, I only have one life. I won't spend it feeling guilty about not being able to make it work with somebody like him. I deserve a lot more respect and understanding. I have finally understood that I never needed him in my life. He was always a source of anxiety and he was destructive, instead of lifting me up and supporting me.
I am thankful for my child though. An angel! So that's what I chose to salvage from that wreck my «normal» life has been after ETS. I will focus on both of us. I will never be able to experience life as most people do. But then, others also have différences that prevent them from being «normal». What is «normal», anyway? Normal is what is the norm for ME. Sweating is normal for me, and although I hate it more than anything else, that's MY life, MY time on earth. I will try to make the most of it, the best I know how, with my child.
So I guess my question would be: Has anybody else tried to have a normal life being an HHr? Did it work?
It looks like I thought wrong!
(I'm french, forgive my spelling)
I have been an HHr since age 4. Palmar, plantar and axilary. At age 26, it was «suicide or surgery» for me. At that point, I hadn't lived at all. No childhood, no teenage years filled with all the normal things teens do. I was a prisoner of my own body. Until ETS.
My body took a while to react to the surgery, so I felt «normal» for a few weeks. But I didn't know how to do things! It was like getting out of jail after 20 years inside. I didn't even make the most of it, because I had no idea what to do, how to act like normal people. I was used to ALWAYS hide, be invisible, and avoid touching and being touched. And that's what I did...with a dry body
After a while, I started getting CS and GS. So I had to adapt to the new embarasing situations. But I had the use of my hands, and that alone was worth a lot. It meant living. That is also when I have met a guy who became my boyfriend. And that's when I thought wrong!!
I was happy to get this new start and I was in a rush to catch up with others from my age group. They had a spouse, children, a decent job and a house. I wanted it all! So, yes, I got the job (Nowhere near «decent», but I was able to work!), then I got the guy, and the child and soon after, the house.
I still had to deal with HH/side effects, while trying to catch up with life. It was a lot to deal with. I had no clue how to act socially, at work and with my guy's family. I wasn't so sure how to handle a relationship with a man actually. Every little thing was new to me and I needed time to adjust. It was overwhelming at times. He didn't get that, and I didn't get that he wasn't getting it! I didn't know my own self and I had nearly no life experience to rely on to fix things.
So, we were having some problems. Then he left me during the last month of pregnancy. Long story short, after 10 years, he suggested we gave it another try. Our child wasn't aware of it, just in case it didn't work out. I had been single all this time, and I would have done anything for my child. So I agreed. We started trying to patch things up.
But I was still figuring out who I was, what I wanted for my life. I had rushed into motherhood and into getting a «decent job» and all. I also worked at getting to the point where I was financially secure (just enough) and could provide for my child. That alone took long enough. I couldn't focus 100% on getting «normal» and needed some time to get back into the relationship and its requirements. But...
He still didn't get it, and I still didn't get that he wasn't getting it! And I am not dumb, I am fairly intelligent:bigsmile: Anyway, like I said...being in prison for over 20 years has its conséquences!
So, I naively thought we had a fair chance, because I am patient with others and I thought it was only a matter of time until we got used to each other again. I invested a lot of time making a genuine effort to improve and act normally. I was getting mentally ready for the summer vacation, all three of us, and maybe have a talk with our child and take the relationship a step further. But he had lost all interest due to his impatience. He wanted me to get better «now». So...
As all this was going on in my head, he had his eye on a younger, non-HHr . He didn't end it with me while he was taking her out and trying to figure out if things would work with her! Gees! So...
He left me again, after I confronted him. I had my doubts, signs were there. See? I'm not THAT dumb
So, NOW I know what went wrong. I had HH, and it had shapped me into a person I didn't want to be, and with whom he didn't want to live. A person he would never have the ability to understand and respect. He wanted to instantly be with the person he thought I could become without having to wait for her to show up. A non-HHr cannot understand what it's like to fight with your own mind in order to become another person, somebody you really want to be. It takes a LOT of patience.
I have forgiven myself for my strange behavior from the past. I am now a lot more patient with myself. It will probably take me the rest of my days to figure things out. But that's ok. I know I will sometimes lose my temper and I know I will probably cry at times, from frustration. But, I only have one life. I won't spend it feeling guilty about not being able to make it work with somebody like him. I deserve a lot more respect and understanding. I have finally understood that I never needed him in my life. He was always a source of anxiety and he was destructive, instead of lifting me up and supporting me.
I am thankful for my child though. An angel! So that's what I chose to salvage from that wreck my «normal» life has been after ETS. I will focus on both of us. I will never be able to experience life as most people do. But then, others also have différences that prevent them from being «normal». What is «normal», anyway? Normal is what is the norm for ME. Sweating is normal for me, and although I hate it more than anything else, that's MY life, MY time on earth. I will try to make the most of it, the best I know how, with my child.
So I guess my question would be: Has anybody else tried to have a normal life being an HHr? Did it work?